


the world is hard, you have to be harder

by lokihzra



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Accidental Marriage, Angst, Arguing, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Crossover, Dark Loki (Marvel), Dark Magic, Dark!Loki, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt Tony, Hurt Tony Stark, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loki has PTSD, Multi, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Thanos is mentioned, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Torture, banner feels bad, because what comes after space?, i got some inspiration from tvd, lexi and loki are bffs, loki can make force fields, loki has telekinesis, loki is stronger than everyone thinks, loki saved the world but in the end hes suffering, loki's fucked up but won't tell anyone, morgan likes thor and loki, semi cheating, the supernatual, these bitches cant catch a break, they were ON a BREAK, tony feels bad, tvd, yes my ass added tvd characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 81,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27569386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokihzra/pseuds/lokihzra
Summary: That doesnt make up for the 547 days that he was tortured, the 547 days he begged for his brother and mother, the 547 days that he thought he was safe only to be met with Thanos and Gamora again and again, the 547 days he tried to keep himself together, the 500 days that he kept his pride together, the 47 days that he wished for death, the 47 days that he prayed to any God that it would be over soon it doesnt make up for the 547 days of pure agony and suffering, filled with illusions, blood, broken promises and so much pain.was called “we don't share the same blood but you're my brother and I love you”
Relationships: Bruce Banner & Loki, Loki & Avengers Team, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 25
Kudos: 139





	1. If I was dying on my knees you would be the one to rescue me

**Author's Note:**

> this chapter isn't that eventful n e ways title and chapter name is from Brother by Kodaline

“Loki!” Thor hears Thanos growl as he picks himself off the ground, Rogers is on the ground beside Thanos, Loki holding the gauntlet, if it weren’t for the purple kool-aid man yelling his name Thor would swear he’s dreaming “drop-“ Thanos starts to growl again, starting to stand

“lovely to see you again but i must be going now” Lokis smirks before disappearing in a green light.

Thor feels his knees wanting to give out but he doesn’t let them “where is he” Thanos growls grabbing Thor by his throat and lifting him off the ground “i don’t know” Thor wheezes out trying breathe better.

“here” he hears his brothers voice to his right, so faint he barely heard it “snap _now_ ” Loki states and he looks over to see Loki standing beside banner as the latter screams in pain as he veins light up different colours and then Thanos drops him, he wheezes, catching his breath as he watches Thanos running over to them and without a thought he throws stormbreaker at him and the overgrown eggplant trips over it as Loki holds his palms out and spreads them apart.

Thor stops getting up as he sees a green barrier surround his brother and Banner. “Bruce!” Loki spins around to face the man in his hulk form and he replies with a snap.

For some reason Loki expects himself to fade away, like ash but he opens his eyes to all of Thanos’ men, ships and the man himself slowly dissolving into thin air. He lets the barrier down watching as the man that tortured and controlled him weakly walked over to a pile of rubble and takes a seat on it “good to see you again reindeer games” Tony pants from a couple feet away before he lays back down exhausted

_I did it._

* * *

“How the hell are you here?!” Natasha threatens sitting on top of Loki and holding a knife to his throat

“brother, help please” he looks at Thor who’s still shocked standing still not saying anything

“shut up” she snarls pressing the knife harder into his throat, now if it wasn’t his own dagger he wouldn’t be scared

“let me up and i’ll tell you all everything” he stares her directly in the eyes hoping that she can see that he’s being honest for once in his life, after a second of glaring she hesitantly removes the knife and stands,never stopping her glare.

He lets out a sigh before getting up “did you all really think it would be _that_ easy for me to die?” he asks

“well he did see your dead body” clint says obviously disappointed while pointing at Thor, he notices his brother still never moved

“brother?” he tries to get his attention ignoring everyones eyes on him, doesnt work _“brother”_ Thor doesnt respond and Loki lets out a mix of a groan and a sigh “can you smack him or something?” he asks Bruce and the man frowns “he was kicking your ass on Sakaar don’t worry about it” Bruce’s mouth moves up and down in surprise before finally saying

“you’re Ragnarok Loki?” and he frowns “you’re the Loki that fought and died for his people, not the 2012 Loki that was trying to take over New York” Bruce simply says

“god you guys are slow” Natasha sighs before turning and punching Thor in the face, it does the trick but doesn’t hurt him which kinda hurts Nat’s ego

“i saw you die” Thor says offended and Loki smirks

“so you’ve said before” his smile drops and he sighs going to sit on the couch, Thor, Banner and Tony following right away “so i actually did die but since Hela also died, the names in Hells book wouldnt apply, basically Hell was closed until it found a new owner, there was no other place for me to go but reincarnation, took 5 damn years for my body to regenerate though” he smiles happily

“then where will Thanos go” Nat asks and Loki can hear the fear in her voice

“oh he’s going to Hell” Loki nods smiling harder

“i thought you just said Hell’s closed” Tony frowns taking a sip of his drink

“not anymore” he takes Tonys drink and downs it in one gulp ignoring the mans offended look instead focusing on Peter _i think that’s his name_ as he asks “then whos the new owner, or ruler?” He’s sitting with his arms crossed on the armrest of the chair that Doctor Strange is in

“me” Loki smirks looking directly at Doctor Strange showing that _i am completely unfazed by your suspicion of me so stop glaring_

“wait why’d you show up after the snap?” Tony says taking a seat again with a new drink and Loki barely stops himself from flinching _when did he get up?_

“my soul was stuck in the soul stone so when you snapped my soul took that opportunity to reunite with my body and then I had to become the ruler of Hell so i took a bit longer than everyone else” 

“can we trust you?” Steve asks standing beside peter and doctor strange 

“No you cant, i saved the planet for nothing” Loki states sarcastically he then sighs becoming serious “i’ll admit it, i was under mind control when i tried to take over new york but i knew what i was doing, i couldnt say anything because thanos and his people had a psychic connection with me” he looks at Thor knowing he remembers the fight on Stark Tower but he flinched when stark places something around his wrists

“this will disable your magic and shock you if you try and leave the building, just until we trust you” Stark adds on when he sees Loki tense “in the meantime you can train people” Stark gets up and downs his drink placing the cup in the sink “i’ll have FRIDAY and Happy make up your room” and Stark walks out almost everyone follows behind him excluding Natasha, Banner,Wanda and Thor.

“you so much as act suspicious and i’ll kill you” Nat snarls

“you think you can win against me?” Loki smirks looking up from the little silver bracelets around his wrists “i got you down 10 minutes ago” she smiles and Loki loves that the smug look on her face will be gone soon

“i don’t favour hitting girls” he leans back placing an arm over the back of the couch and smirks when Natasha gets up and leaves, Clint following her out while grumbling “my ears are still ringing”

“what the hell is there to do around here?” he asks “can’t use my magic so what can i do?” he looks to Thor but his brother still looks kind of shocked

* * *

  
”it’s no fair putting me up against you if you can bend yourself at 90 degrees” Natasha pants as Loki holds out a hand for her

“your enemies don’t care what’s fair” He states and as he pulls her up with ease “to them it’s simply an advantage”

she frowns at him while raising her fists and getting back into a fighting stance and without hesitation she throwing punches faster than a storm but Loki has no problem dodging them.

As he dodges one he grabs her arm and moves so that hes standing beside her, her arm straight out and pressed against his chest he pushes down on her chest at the same time that he kicks her legs out from under her but before she can hit the ground he moves his left hand to the back of her head saving her from smacking it into the floor _he doesn’t know how weak these mortals are._

He lets go leaving her on the ground panting once again “you’re not skilled enough for me to train” he states walking over to a boxing ring and sitting on the edge

“is that a challenge?” she raises her brow easily standing up with confidence

“no, it’s a fact” Loki says seriously and Tony barges in

“he’s right Cruella DeVille” clearly a jab at her platinum blonde and auburn hair, he points towards the door “can you take off please? i have to talk to Rock of Ages alone” Tony whispers once hes close enough to Natasha and she glares at Loki not wanting to leave him alone with Tony but does as asked. 

“you look weird in normal clothes” Tony states once Natasha’s gone studying his grey sweater, black sweatpants and green t-shirt peeking out from under the sweater

“you came to talk about my clothes?” Loki asks but Tony dismisses him waving his hands “no no no no” he places his hands in his pockets “just came to warn you that if you so much as act suspicious” he points towards the ceiling “i’ve asked FRIDAY to crank the heat up in whatever room you’re in until you pass out”

in response Loki raises his wrists signaling to the silver bracelets “lucky i cant do _anything_ then”

Tony smirks “trust is a two way street Diva, i’m willing to trust you so you gotta give us something” he paces a bit

“i let you snap these on me without killing you” Loki raises a wrist again “if i recall, if it weren’t for me you would be dead right now” Loki leans back against the boxing rings barrier and smirks a bit at the shock on Tonys face

“what?” he asks after a second

“you’re almighty Doctor Strange didn’t tell you?” Loki leans forward resting his elbows on his knees and for a second Tony can see 2012 Loki

“you were supposed to snap” Loki states lowly and Tony feels numb.

* * *

“how did you know?” Doctor Strange directs at Loki whos sitting calmly on the couch but Tony interrupts

“ah, don’t try and change the subject Harry Potter” Doctor Strange frowns in confusion obviously not knowing who that is “you knew i was going to die thats why you gave Thanos the time stone?” Tony asks and states at the same time

“Loki was already dead, you were the last hope” Strange says solemnly and it pisses Tony off

“don’t try and act like you feel _guilty,_ you would do anything if it meant saving the planet including letting my daughter grow up _without_ _a_ _father”_

Strange didn’t know what to say because he couldn’t deny it, so instead he turned to Loki who still sat calmly on the couch “how did you know?” he asks no emotion and Loki leans forward slightly eyeing him

“how long have you been studying Mystic Arts?”

Strange looks up in thought and quickly answers “almost 4 years now” Loki looks disappointed like he expected longer

“i’ve been studying _every single form of magic for over a thousand years_ , you really think i haven’t mastered prophecy? my mother was the goddess of prophecy” he leans back relaxing and he looks surprised when Thor speaks to him, they haven’t really talked since he got back

“mother taught you prophecy? Loki nods with an “mhmm” 

_“Mother” Thor asked walking up to his mother who sat on the bench on a balcony_

_“Why do people hate Loki?” he asks taking a seat beside her, Thor was a curious kid_

_“i don’t think they hate him they’re just-” she paused looking out towards the scenery of Asgard while thinking “biased” and Thor looks at her in pure confusion “well my dear son, It is taught that men are_ **_meant_ ** _to fight, that they’re supposed to be strong and at the head of battle, but your brother fights differently, he doesnt go for throwing punches, he prefers things to be quick because he doesn’t like fighting that much so he uses magic as an advantage” she says looking her teen son in the eye “and because of that people think he’s weak or scared but you know what I think” she asks and Thors anger turns back to curiosity_

_“what” he smiles widely making Frigga smile too_

_“I think your brother can be the best fighter there is, i think he can be a healer, a sorcerer and that’s what makes him special, thats what makes people fear and loathe him”_

“I only use it when needed” Loki looks at him and Thor tries to hide the fact that he zoned out by trying to make it look like he was thinking

“ _the sun will shine on us again”_ Thor utters and Loki doesn’t look ashamed or mad he simply smirks with a nod

“all of you are needed for that” Loki looks at everyone in the room “so where are the Gaurdians?”

Steve shakes his head with his arms crossed obviously weary of Loki “we don’t know”

Tony walks out and says “they went to find Flash Gordons woman”

Natasha rolls her eyes “can’t you ask that Bifrost keeper of yours if he can see them?” she questions and Scott budges in “yeah lets just go to the new Asgard and ask” he says enthusiastically

“Heimdall is dead” Loki and Thor say at the same time and Loki frowns at it “Thanos killed him for sending Banner back when Thanos destroyed our ship” Thor gets up and heads into the connecting kitchen behind the couch Loki is on “so we have no way of finding them” he says grabbing a beer out of the fridge and Loki wants to fucking stab him

“Heimdall wanted me to be his successor awhile ago” Loki says turning to face Thor and he sees his brother almost spit out his beer

_i wish he did_

“taught me how to see people but im not as good as him, i don’t know if i could see them considering they could be _anywhere_ ”

Thor takes another swig of his beer “well practice for a couple days” he says nonchalantly and walks away

“he’s probably just not used to you being here after 5 years” Loki hears Tony behind him and senses how close he is, he spins around catching Tonys hand before the man can pat his back in comfort

“try and touch me again-” Loki snarls squeezing Tonys hand so tight the man cant help but groan lightly “-and i’ll break all 14 knuckles in your hand” Loki stands up and let’s go of Tony hand harshly walking out and leaving everyone stunned _he was making such good progress_

“im gonna kill him” Natasha says happily going to follow after him but of course _Steve_ has to stop her

“even without magic he’s stronger than us” Steve states and Natasha frowns at him, he looks at Tony still rubbing his left hand in pain “Thor crushed your suit with his bare hands, I imagine Loki can snap those bracelets off like nothing, we shouldn’t push him” 

* * *

The next day Loki sat quietly on the couch reading a book, Thor at the other end, Peter sitting in an armchair playing with a colourful cube and Bruce in the other writing things down in a notebook,

“hey i’ve always wondered” Peter says and Loki looks up to see him looking right at him and Thor “Asgardians dont speak english so how can we communicate?” he fiddles with the colourful cube in his hands waiting for an answer

“it’s called an AllSpeak, it allows Asgardians to speak any and every language” Loki says still flipping through his book

he resists flinching when stark bursts through the door with a clap a group of people following in behind him “ok meeting in session” he says with a smile “cap _please_ stop fucking around with mewmew we _know you’re worthy_ ” Tony groans and steve stops, dropping mjolnir before anyone can see him and gets serious

“its mjolnir” Thor retorts and Tony brushes him off

“we got a signal on Rockets ship, they got here about 20 minutes ago so they should be here soon” Tony announces and Natasha sits down beside Loki careful not to touch him “and,Peter” Tony looks at the kid as the teen straightens up in his seat “Loki is going to train you” Loki doesn’t react but he hears the kid let out a nervous laugh

“im just a kid i can’t win against a god” Loki can see Peter point at him out of the corner of his eye and he resists the urge to snap his wrist

“you’re the only other person that can compare to his agility _and_ flexibility, not to mention you got spidey sense” Steve tells him and Peter raises his eyebrows looking at Steve like he’s lost it

“he’s a _sorcerer_ , surely he can block me from sensing him”

Loki smirks and closes his eyes concentrating, drowning out the conversation and once he thinks he’s got it he whips his book at Peter and the teen catches it a split second before it hits him, letting out a breath that he held

“Loki!” Thor says like he’s scolding a child

“guess i can’t block you out” he hums and he holds out a hand towards Peter, the kid looks confused “the book?” he asks and Peters face drops in realization before throwing the book back to Loki

“what if you could block him out?” Steve says and Loki can hear the anger

“then a book would have hit him in the face” Loki states going back to reading

“someones coming” Peter states looking towards the door the second he feels the hairs on his neck stand up

“oh it’s probably the Gaurdians” Tony says sitting beside Peter and he’s right when the door busts open 2014 Gamora, Nebula, Drax, Rocket, Mantis, Quill and Groot walk in

“My friends” Thor gets up happily to ealk over to them and Loki hides his jealousy, Thors been out of it for days so he turns to see who got his bubbly brother bubbly again and then _Loki couldnt breathe._

 _He felt like mjolnir was sitting on his chest when the hammer was clearly nowhere near him,_ _he could barely hear, he felt like he was being held underwater_

“you’ve heard of my brother” he hears Thor through the drowning in his ears and no matter how much Loki wants to run he cant _panicking, trying to swim back to the surface, screaming for help but nothing comes._

“Loki?” Gamora says like she couldn’t believe her eyes, she couldnt believe he was alive is the first thing in Lokis mind

“you know him?” Thor turns to Gamora frowning _he feels his nerves turn to ice, ironic since he’s a Frost Giant_

“my father made me torture him” Gamora says quietly and Loki can hear and _feel_ her remorse but that isnt enough. That doesnt make up for the 547 days that he was tortured, the 547 days he begged for his brother and mother, the 547 days that he _thought_ he was safe only to be met with Thanos and Gamora again and _again_ , the 547 days he _tried_ to keep himself together, the 500 days that he kept his pride together, the 47 days that he wished for death, the 47 days that he prayed to any God that it would be over soon it doesnt make up for the 547 days of pure agony and suffering, filled with illusions, blood, broken promises and so much pain. 

He must’ve froze in shock because Bruce snaps him out of it “Loki? hey?” Loki looks at Bruce trying to control his breathing then back to Gamora, Nebula and Thor, he couldn’t do it.

He snapped the bracelet off his left wrist like glass, Natasha grabbed his wrist trying to stop him but he twisted her wrist causing her to fall to the floor and before anyone else could get close enough the second bracelet was gone and so was he.

“what the fuck just happened” Natasha says, sitting up on the floor

“Thor go check you’re brothers room” Tony points at him, Thor looks between him and Gamora obviously trying to process everything “go!” Tony yells and finally Thor listens ignoring his heartbeat in his ears

“Loki wouldn’t be in his room” Steve spits “we gotta check the perimeter, ask Valkyrie to check around Asg-“ 

“No, Loki wants us to trust him and if that’s true then he’ll be in his room” Tony emphasizes the last part walking out past everyone to the elevator “FRIDAY check for Loki on the cameras, get back to me as soon as you find him” He doesnt look at anyone as the elevator doors close “Yes boss” FRIDAY says automatically.

as he gets onto the ground floor the elevator doors open to pepper and morgan, he forgot to tell them about this.

“hi sweetie!” Tony says with the biggest smile picking up his daughter and giving her a hug, instinctively rocking her side to side

“who’s Loki?” she asks pulling back from the hug looking at her dad with curiosity

“yeah” Pepper says hiding her anger and tony kisses her cheek “why did FRIDAY just tell me Loki is _freaking out in his room_ ?” Tony sighs starting to walks towards his office

“FRIDAY i told you to tell me” He walks down the hall

“i was just about to boss” the robot replies

“yeah well do me a favour next time, tell me first” He opens the door to his office sitting down still holding Morgan “what were you saying honey” he smiles at Pepper and she looks mad for a second before answering

“i said should we get somebody to check on him” she says a little hostile while walking over to stand in front of him

“Thor isn’t with him?” he asks as he leans against the desk

“i mean a doctor”

Tony shakes his head, “no he wouldn’t like that” he spins looking at the cameras quickly to see Loki throw a book at Thor _damn_

“if Thor needs help he knows to ask friday” he stands up and starts to walk towards the door “now lets finally introduce you to everyone” he tickles Morgans stomach making the girl laugh so hard she was gasping.


	2. I won't smile but i'll show you my teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nobody trusts Loki and they push the limit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter name from Nightmare by Halsey

“ _don’t fucking touch me!_ ” Loki yells as he pushes Thor back so hard Thor _almost_ couldnt stop himself from falling

Loki could already _feel every needle piercing his skin, every burn, every snap of his bones_ he couldn’t imagine what he would do if Thor did touch him

“brother its okay _its me!_ ” 

“ _547 days_ thor” he pauses trying to breathe better “thats how long she tortured me thats how long I begged that you would come and help me” _that’s how long I begged_ _any God_ _that you still loved me, that you still cared_

“i thought you were dead” Thor breathes out sadly but Loki just yells again

“547 days i was electrocuted, burned, stabbed cut open they pulled out teeth, cut off toes, broke bones” Thor held back his tears as best he could, he couldn’t imagine his brother going through that and the thought that he couldn’t help and that he treated him like he was _normal_ in New York just made it worse.

“do you know what was the worst part?” Loki stops yelling trying to catch his breath again “when they made me believe i was home, when they got into my head and made me see that i was with you and mother and _safe”_ a tear falls but he ignores it, its his brother after all “they twisted my memories, they did anything they could until i broke” Thor was speechless, he never thought that his _brother_ went through that.

“Gamora won’t hurt you i promise” he cautiously walks closer “i promise you if she even touches you i will break every bone in her body” he places a hand on Loki’s shoulder and when Loki doesn’t shove him away he does the same with the other side “okay?” Thor smiles sadly despite trying his best to look happy “i promise i won’t let anyone hurt you” Loki starts to breathe normally again he looks calm but Thor knows his brother better than that

“that’s not the point Thor” he pushes his brother off and starts pacing _atleast he’s not being violent_ “you all see me as evil when i was _tortured into agreeing to do what he wanted_ ” he stops pacing and points towards nothing when he talks about Thanos “I never wanted to take over New York, that’s why i infiltrated SHEILD so they would _do something_ and they did, i was imprisoned on Asgard and safe from him and you all see me as a bad person from stopping Thanos from getting the infinity stones and causing all this shit _years ago_ ” he starts to yell with every word

“maybe they do but i don’t”

Loki slumps with a sigh looking disappointed, like he expected something, _hate_

“point break, medieval danny phantom“ the brothers look up in confusion because it’s usually a robot speaking not Stark “come meet my daughter” 

* * *

“He is not coming anywhere _near_ her” Pepper says sternly to Tony

“we have to give him a chance” and before he’s done she’s shaking her head

“we are not letting someone who tried to _take over New York meet our daughter_

” Pepper almost yells and Tony meets her volume

“ _he saved my life Pepper_ ”

She stops and her head moves around like a chickens in shock the rest of the Avengers stay out of it acting like they aren’t there she sighs and then sternly but softly says “he is not coming near her” 

“now why wouldn’t I meet the little girl I saved the world for” Loki says smugly walking out of the elevator with Thor

“you what?” Natasha asking raising a brow while Tony takes the chance when Pepper is in shock to walk over to them with Morgan

“i wasn’t going to let her grow up without a father” he says like it’s something they _know_ he would do “plus the whole world was about to die” he shrugs looking away from Natasha and Scott

“Morgan this is Thor” Tony bends down to her height and the brothers copy, he points at Thor and he holds out his gigantic hand

“nice to meet you” he smiles when she puts her _tiny_ hand into his and he shakes it as gently as he could _this is a child do not break her_

“you make thunder?” she asks and in response he opens his palm and theres a mini thunderstorm in his palms she smiles in awe becoming completely mesmerized by the small storm

“this is Loki” Tony points at Loki, bringing his daughter out of her focus and Loki nods _probably a good idea not to touch her considering Pepper looks ready to pluck my eyeballs out_

“nice to meet you” Morgan says before she looks back and forth between them “they’re brothers” Tony tells her when he notices her looking between them, she stops and looks at Loki “what can you do?” she asks, tilting her head a bit.

Loki looks at Tony silently asking if he can use his magic and Tony nods, he touches Thor and after a blinding glow of green light Thor is gone and theres a frog in his place. Everyones impressed but doesn’t show it, Loki isnt looking anyways he looks at Morgan and says “I can do what no one else here can do” he holds out his palm and there’s that same glow of green light he wraps his fingers around a green popsicle and hold it out to her “magic” he continues his sentence and she takes the popsicle with a giggle

“can you turn him back?” Pepper asks concern obvious in her voice as she points at the frog that immediately started hopping around.

Loki simply touches the frog and it turns back into Thor, first thing he does is groan and punch Loki in the arm “you _know i hate that_ ” Loki laughs but Morgan interrupts him “are you bad?” he looks at her brow furrowed

_why would she ask that_

“mommy says you shouldn’t be around me” she states and takes a bite of her popsicle waiting for an answer, he looks at Pepper and Tony before looking to their daughter softening his expression

“i’m not bad” he smiles but it’s sad and he doesn’t bother hiding it “just, misunderstood” his smile drops and he leaves the room without another word. 

After Morgan got comfortable enough with everyone to the point she tried to use Clint’s _bow and arrow_ Happy took Morgan to go play in her playroom downstairs, she liked Peter and Loki a lot; kept saying “daddy can we go ask the magic man for more popsicles” but frowned when Tony told her he wanted to be alone right now.

Thor groans rubbing his head in thought “can’t you guys at least _pretend_ to trust him?” he leans back in the armchair sipping a beer, he only had about 3 or 4 a day now, which is a _huge difference_.

“do you always forget that he tried to take over New York or do you forget only when you’re talking to us” Natasha says smugly Thor glares

“remember how he said that thanos and his people could hear him so he couldn’t say anything” a couple people nod “he infiltrated SHIELD so they would stop him, he didn’t use magic when fighting, on top this Tower when it was still Stark Tower, we fought i yelled at him a bit and he broke through the mind control, he couldn’t say anything but he looked scared maybe even guilty” he sighs taking a sip of his beer “the mind control was too strong though”

Wanda frowns in confusion and disbelief “so you want us to trust him just because he never fought to his full potential?” Wanda questions and she tenses up when Thor almost growls

“you all hate him for New York so you hate him for stopping Thanos from causing this _years ago_ ”

Tony sits up quickly “w-w-wait wait, come again?” and this time Thor frowns

“my brother never wanted to rule, Thanos _tortured him_ until he gave in and did what Thanos wanted him to do but he infiltrated SHIELD, got us together and let himself fail so he would be imprisoned on Asgard and safe from Thanos” Thor explains to them.

Tony leans back again and grumbles “okay he’s smarter than I thought” but suddenly points at Gamora “you” she looks up and glares slightly already knowing what Tony was going to say “this true?”

Gamora frowns placing a hand on her hip “he was tortured into submission yes, but i don’t know if he did all that SHEILD stuff on purpose” she gulps crossing her arms to hide the guilt thats eating away at her insides

“Loki said it himself but then” Natasha buts in “he is the God of Mischief” she says unsure whether or not what he told Thor earlier was true

“wait were you all watching earlier?” he points towards everyone.

“of course we were” Tony sits up going to the fridge and opening a can of Pepsi “so much for trust” Thor grumbles so only Tony hears and leaves.

* * *

“ok so” Tony claps pulling up one of his AI screens out of nowhere “i’ve compiled all the evidence that proves Loki was mind controlled” he turns presenting pictures and notes” he presses a picture and Loki looks like shit “when you first came to earth you looked like shit” it plays a video of Loki coming through the portal, taking out SHIELD agents and then leaving after he used the scepter to mind control Selvig, Barton and another Agent but when they’re walking out Tony pauses the video and then zooms in.

”you’re hunched over Loki, serious dark circles, sweating and pale, why?” Tony looks at the man and so do the rest of the Avengers

Loki resists the urge to frown, keeping his cool he simply answers “heat stroke, you throw a frost giant in a boiling hot room long enough and they start to become delirious” Tony nods and he looks like he’s not done

“you’re speech in Germany” he points resting a finger on bis chin “kinda reminds me of thanos”

Loki smirks with a chuckle _“The bright lure of freedom diminishes your life’s joy in a mad scramble for power, for identity. You were made to be ruled. In the end, you will always lose”_ Loki recites deep in thought

“yeah that” Tony frowns not expecting him to remember, he even had a news video to show

“Thanos always ranted, that was one of his right after i gave in” Loki tenses a bit admitting his weakness

“Thor told me about the fight on this tower and you were holding your back when he tried to steal you from us” Tony didn’t mention that _Loki cried_ knowing that he would probably kill him for saying that in front of people

“I wanted to stop it, i didn’t want to do it but the mind control was stronger” Loki shrugs “and thanos broke my damn back”

Tony nods looking awkward and then moving on “Barton also said you were shaking a lot”

Loki nods “Asgardians get PTSD too”

then Tony leans against the table eyeing him for a second

“why don’t you have any scars?” Bruce pipes up sounding sad and it confuses him

”you didn’t even show up on earth with wounds?” Barton adds and Loki wants to stab him

“i was just about to ask that” smartass Tony adds pointing at them before looking back at Loki _he hates_ _being put on the spot_

“I have magic remember?”

Natasha leans forward against the table “can we s-“

 _“no”_ He interrupts her harshly and Tony adds “what if it was just me?” he asks hopefully

“ _no”_ Loki glares daring Stark to test him and Thor _knows that look_

“Loki control yourself” Thor demands and Loki looks at him and it makes Thor want to shit himself “ _i am”_

“you gotta meet us halfway here Misch-“ Tony tries to sound remorseful like he _doesnt want to see it_ but he does

“why don't you go ask Gamora or Nebula for proof hm?” Tony looks shocked and he notices that Gamora’s boyfriend does too.

 _The look is stronger_ Thor thinks before pleading with his brother “Loki _please don’t”_ but it’s ignored

“go ask them for stories about torturing me and then cleaning me up like they were _sorry”_ he points to 2 empty seats “thats why they aren’t here right?” he looks at Tony expectantly but speaks again “because i can’t see either of them without remembering them cutting off my fucking toes, ripping out my teeth, cutting me open, burning me with anything they can find _and you want me to show you proof?”_

Thor stands going to walk to his brothers side “calm down brother _please”_

Loki looks at him like he was just hit in the face “ _you shut the fuck up_ ” Loki points at him and Thor stops dead in his tracks “you guys don’t want to trust me go ahead but to pretend you’re going to try” Loki walks out leaving everyone stunned.

* * *

 _Breathe breathe breathe breathe breathe_ Loki paces his room trying with all his strength to get his fucking lungs to work properly.

 _you’re safe, Thanos is dead_ he feels his legs start to tingle with numbness and he walks faster to try and ignore it.

 _Gamora and Nebula won’t touch you, you’re okay the only threat here is you_ his stomach hurts, he doesn’t know if he’s going to puke or not but he’s hoping it’s anything else _death sounds good_ he presses his hands into his temples hard enough that it hurts but he doesn’t care anything to make this feeling stop 

_everybody hates you but they won’t hurt you_ Loki admits to himself as he finally gives into the numbness in his legs, the tiny needle pricks too similar to the micro-needles Thanos had, he sinks to the floor, leaning his elbows onto his knees and as fast as he thought it, is slower than the net thing that hit him.

 _Not again please_ he begs as he feels a hand wrap around his neck but then he reminds himself _Thanos is dead, you watched him die_ he places his own hands on his neck _just to confirm i just needed to make sure_ he sighs when there is no other hands but his and then the sickness and ringing ears hit him at full force.

 _Please stop please make it stop please_ he covers his ears, all he could think of was Gamora hitting him and the pain, the ringing and the black spots in his vision _she won’t hurt you, Thor promised that_ and he completely lost it, he didn’t notice but he started shaking, hyperventilating he would rather pass out than go through this again

 _Thor promised me no one would hurt me but no one has hurt me like he has_ he takes a shaky breath instantly regretting that thought _please brother just help me this once_ he brings his knees to his chest and buries his face in them _somebody please help._

* * *

“You know what” Thor growls and Natasha is actually scared of him “you keep doing this to him and he’s not going to _want to_ redeem himself”

and of course Tony is completely inconsiderate “saving the world is a big move but it’s Loki” he shrugs popping a raspberry in his mouth and Peter frowns beside him because where the hell does Tony always pull snacks out from?

“You all keep expecting him to be bad-” Thor says and Tony can hear the desperation in his voice as he continues “-and he’ll have no other choice than to prove you all right” Thor says looking at everyone not bothering to hide his anger

“he’s the god of mischief how can we trust him?” Sam states with his arm crossed

“i’m not saying trust him” Thor says a little too aggressive “i’m asking you all to quit expecting the worst of him” no one says anything and Thor wants to yell, he wants to shake everyone until it gets into their heads that _Loki is not a threat_

“boss” FRIDAY takes the opportunity when it’s silent to speak

“yes?” Tont asks looking at the ceiling wondering what the hell is so important “Loki is requesting Thors presence” she states and the two men frown at each other “why?” FRIDAY was quiet for a second

“he said he needs help with something” Tony looks back at Thor expecting the man to go see his brother out of curiosity but he’s met with Thor looking _terrified._

“point break?”

 _the only time he asks for help is when he’s having an episode_ “if FRIDAY says i need your help” Thor says walking out “come right away” he looks straight at Tony and then at Peter “you too” and he walks out.

* * *

“Brother!” Thor shakes Loki’s trembling body lightly to get him to focus on him, Loki’s breathing is so fast that if he was mortal he would surely be having a heart attack, he looks at Thor and he wants to bust out crying seeing how fucking _scared_ Loki is “tell me what is wrong so i can help you” Loki gulps before he chokes out “let go please”

_they’re too close, to close to his neck and he could already feel his throat tightening._

Thor listens immediately, letting go so fast, like Loki’s skin burned “Loki please tell me what’s wrong” and his breathing picks up

“it’s too much” Loki looks around the room frantically like he expects an audience

“what?” Thor breathes out

“gamora, nebula, stark, rogers” Loki breathes out but it hitches causing him to almost choke “they’re too much, i can’t do this” he buries his head back into his knees but Thor forcefully makes him look at his brother, gently resting his hands on Loki’s cheeks, keeping him there

“Loki, you are okay no one is going to hurt you” _maybe not physically, but every single one of you hurt me everyday_

he closes his eyes but quickly snaps them open when he sees the darkness, the familiar dark grey floor and walls the dark bare room he sat in for so long “god i can’t stop seeing it” he blinks harshly trying to stop himself from tearing up

“what?” Thor asks trying to get Loki to look at him when his brother fixes his gaze on the floor

“that fucking room, that stupid ugly ship, the chains all that darkness” he lets out a gasp that Thor guesses is supposed to be a breath “you don’t know what it’s like” Loki finally looks at him again “so you can’t help me” 

* * *

“He saved the world, he died for Asgard and for Thor, he’s not the Loki that we remember in New-”

“Boss” FRIDAY speaks up interrupting Banners attempt at defending Loki “Thor needs your help” Tony remembers the fear in Thors eyes earlier

“come on kid” immediately he makes his way out to Loki’s room. He had no idea what to expect, he couldve looked on the cameras easily but he likes surprises but it took everything not to go into shock seeing Loki scream in pure agony as he pushes Thor away _“please stop it!”_ he yells over Thor attempt at comfort

“Loki hey its me it’s Thor” Loki pushes even harder like Thor touching him actually hurts despite him being gentle

“ _no you’re not tricking me again”_ and then it hits him. It’s a panic attack 

_Asgardians get PTSD too_. 

  
“Mr.Stark what do we do?” Peter asks sounding like he’s on the brink of tears

“Thor stop touching him” Tony demands instead of answering Peter. Thor listens, feeling useless as Tony walks over and carefully takes a seat in front of Loki, who has pressed himself into a ball against his bed frame

“why are you here?” Loki whispers not looking away from Tony he’s _paranoid_

“to help” he sees Loki’s chest rise faster

“how could _you_ , of all people, help make me listen to Thanos?” he’s _really paranoid_

“now why would Tony Stark help Thanos?” he raises a brow and sees Loki’s breathing slow a bit “Thanos is dead, you are at the Avengers Tower” Loki looks at Peter who stands by _if_ needed, Loki shakes his head

“this is an illusion” looking between all 3 of them.

 _“Look at me”_ Tony demands and Loki does, mostly out of surprise at Tony’s stern voice “ _you are safe, okay?_ ”

Loki’s hands start shaking as he chuckles lowly “i’m never safe”

Tony frowns harder he doesn’t realize but he grabs Loki, ignoring the sweat and still making sure to be gentle yet stern as he makes Loki look at him “ _you are safe here”_ on instinct Loki tries to pull away but Tony pulls him forward “Thanos is dead, Gamora _or_ Nebula will _not touch you”_ this time Loki frowns but his breathing starts to even _again_ “ _I am not an illusion and you’re safe with me”_ Loki’s breathing is okay but it’s shaky _okay he’s doing good_

“kid” he looks at Peter behind them and Peter straightens up when called “go get some water and a towel” and he’s gone in seconds

“you’re in New York and it’s 2023” he let’s go of Loki as the man relaxes a bit “you died but came back” Loki looks tired “you saved me and the whole world” he doesn’t say anything still confused as to why Tony is helping him “thank you for saving me” Loki’s still silent, he doesn’t look at Thor as he gets up to fix Loki’s messed up bed “and i’m sorry you’re going through this” Loki’s mouth falls open slightly but Tony continues as he gets up, noticing that Thor is done making the bed “i’ve had my fair share of panic attacks, they’re not fun” he goes to Loki’s left as Thor helps him up by his right arm “especially alone” he holds an arm out offering help to Loki knowing that if he forces it, he’ll push him away.

Loki shakes his head ignoring Peter as he comes back with water and a towel Thor carefully helps him sit on the bed

 _god i hated the aftermath of panic attacks_ Tony thinks as he takes the water bottle from Peter with a “thanks kid go back upstairs we got this”. Tony gives the water to the exhausted man hunched over on the bed, supporting himself by gripping the bed frame. Loki chugs the water back like nothing letting out a huge sigh and Thor takes the empty bottle from his brother placing it on the floor beside him for later “if you need anything, ask” Tony says giving him the towel to wipe his sweat and leaving.


	3. hudę dedek'án

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all imma tell you is that the chapter title means "long ago man"

“New rule” Tony barges into the living room where he knows everyone would be “don’t bring up anything to do with the torture Loki went through, don’t even _talk_ about you two” he points at Gamora and Nebula sitting on the couch “don’t pressure him to open up and” he walks over to the bar standing beside Bucky to make himself a drink “don’t be surprised if you see him without the bracelets from now on” now _that_ got a reaction

“are you crazy?” Natasha spits from her spot on the barstool across from him looking _pissed_

“no way in hell” Steve stands from his spot on the grey armchair

“language” Tony raises his brows at Steve feeling pride swell in his stomach when Nat’s anger falters for a second

“you’re not funny” Steve retorts obviously not in a joking mood

“he is not going to wear something that would remind him of what Thanos did to him”

Strange raises a brow “we don’t even know if he’s telling the truth” he spits calmly but angry at the same time

“he _is”_ Tony takes a swig of his drink

“we’ve got no proof of that” Wanda buts in she looks at him like he lost it and Tony points to the sisters sitting on the couch “we got the torturers _right here”_ he ignores Nebulas rage and Gamoras guilt continuing to speak “but if you want to test him go ahead” he starts to walk out “don’t come crying to me when he snaps and breaks down or kills someone because he thinks he’s being tortured all over again” he decides to take the stairs, needing time to think.

* * *

“What happened with Loki?” Nat barges into Tonys office to see the man quickly closing an AI screen “hello to you too and thank you for knocking” he turns around in his chair smirking “what we’re you helping Thor with” he gets up and walks over to a mini fridge _of course he has a mini fridge “_ ya know needed fashion advice on the drapes” he shrugs grabbing some blueberries

“Tony” Nat is _serious_ and he doesn’t wanna do this right now

“look, i can’t tell you” he turns back to her, she’s glaring with her arms folded “it’s me Tony” he nods pointing at her

“exactly why i can’t tell you” he starts to walk back t his desk with the blueberries “you wouldn’t understand” he stops with the light hearted tone then and Nat feels like she stepped over the line but her need to know is bigger than her guilt

“so you understand Loki and i don’t understand you?” she asks baffled and he frowns uncomfortably

“now you’re just making it sound weird” he retorts and she drops her arms frustrated “well that’s what you’re saying!” and before Tony can stop hismelf he blurts it out “he had a panic attack okay?!” wanting to be done with the conversationg but he knew that wasn’t going to happen, Nat wouldn't leave it at that. Natasha deflates, remembering that time Rhodey told her about it.

_“I’ve_ **_never_ ** _seen him like that before” she was speechless, everyone thought Tony was self-centered and strong. No wonder he never told anyone about it because how can a rich man with everything he could want in a suit of armor have panic attacks “he’s okay now though” she looks at him hopefully “right?” he shakes his head looking worried “I don’t know”_

That was years ago when she broke down crying for her friend, her and Tony bickered a lot but she loved him like she loved everyone else and just the thought of Tony, funny, sarcastic, smart and selfless Tony makes her want to cry again. “Thor said he knew what _needed help_ meant and he somehow knew about my panic attacks I don’t know” he gulped and then sighed obviously not wanting to be vulnerable with her but with this kind of conversation you can’t help it “he knew that I would know what to do since I went through it too” he nods popping a blueberry in his mouth and he sees Nat gulp “is he okay?” he nods “sleeping it off I'm guessing” Nat nods sadly “are you okay?” she stares him down and he hates it, Nat _knows '_ him and he hates it. “Feeling more guilty than triggered so yeah I am” he pops more blueberries in his mouth she nods looking out of it before straightening “I'm sorry” she walks out quickly ignoring tony as he says “did I hear that or am I hallucinating?” she flips him off with a smile and leaves.

“Don’t ask because I can’t tell” Natasha states as she walks into the lounge, immediately heading to the bar and pouring herself a drink

“what the hell is so bad that nobody can tell?” Steve spits annoyed and Natasha takes a swig of her drink noticing that the sisters are gone

“it’s not bad, it’s personal to Tony and Loki, something none of us would understand” she takes another shot after she sighs

“Tony has a kid” Scott says confused

“and?” Nat looks at him also confused

“isn’t he with Pepper?” and then her face drops in realization but quickly turns into disgust

“oh my god” she says in disbelief Scott looks confused _again_ “you think Tony and Loki-” Steve couldn’t even finish the sentence quickly turning away not even wanting to think about it “it has nothing to do with that” Natasha says loudly and

“I could get into your head and find out” Wanda states raising a brow

“try it and Loki will kill both of us”.

* * *

Thor never left Loki’s room, he stayed there and read books for most of the time and he got halfway through a book before he got bored then decided to clean. _Put away books, check on Loki, take out garbage, check on Loki, pick up clothes, check on Loki._ He was scared, terrified something would happen to his brother again, he hated himself for being a horrible big brother, he hated himself for letting people treat Loki horribly, he hates himself for not _knowing_ his brother, he hated himself for not recognizing how much pain he was in before he fell off the Bifrost, he hated himself for doubting him, thinking he was bad.

_“You and your father cast large shadows, I had hoped by sharing my gift with Loki, that he could find some sun for himself”_

Their mother never doubted him, their mother never thought any less of him, he never understood why his mother had so much hope for Loki but now he does and Thor wished he could’ve seen it then. It’s probably been about 3 or 4 hours so he decides that he should go eat, go do something because if he sits there and thinks any longer he would probably go insane. He looks over at Lokis sleeping form, pushing down the fear of leaving his brother “whenever you go too far I will be there to pull you back, every second and everyday” He scans his brother for any sign of him waking up and when he concludes that Loki is passed right out he continues “until you don’t need me” 

“Thor” Steve whispers obviously not wanting to wake up Loki. 

_how long has he been there?_

Steve waves a hand gesturing for Thor to walk with him so Thor does, looking back at his brother once more and leaving. Once they’re down the hall Steve breaks the silence “why?” Thor looks at him lost until he realizes, why would he have so much hope

“he’s all i got” and he doesn’t miss that look of sadness, guilt, remorse in Steve’s eyes.

“Tony has requested your presence in the lounge” FRIDAY states and with a frown, cap turns around to the elevator behind him

“we can talk later” Thor nods and follows, still worrying about his brother.

* * *

“Who are you?” Natasha tilts her head eyeing the man. He has light brown hair, big green eyes strong jawline and perfectly rounded cheekbones, she immediately presses a button by her wrist that sets off a sound in stark's office notifying him that she’s in trouble “Wanda's uncle” he smiles “20 generations removed” 

“You better start talking” Tony points at him as he steps out of the elevator the man chuckles walking over to the island and leaning against it, he sees Nat step back slightly from her spot on the other side of the island and Tony glares

“I’m Suna” he smiles and Tony raises a brow

“Suna?” Tony questions and the brown-haired man nods

“it’s native, means star” he deadpans as Nat studies him seeing if there was anything off about him other than his confidence “I know I know” Suna says tilts his head “who am I? What do I want?” he smirks, Tony and Natasha frown, he must’ve done this a lot “I’ll get to it when the rest are here”.

Tony frowns when Natasha yells “Bucky sam!” knowing they’re in their rooms that are connected to the lounge and she was right; they came out right away but stopped seeing the unknown man and not 2 seconds later the elevator dings revealing Thor and Steve.

“Now talk” Tony glares at him and Suna looks like he’s expecting something

“peter, Scott, Wanda, guardians and Loki?”

Tony shakes his head right away “uh uh” he points downstairs “the kid stays out of this”. Suna shrugs and then looks at everyone. Bucky and Sam are standing by the couch now arms crossed in defense. He can feel all the tension in the room

“well I need Loki to be here this kind of involves him” he sees Thor tense before spitting “you have no business with my brother” stepping forward but Suna lighthearted tone stops him “sure I do” he smiles again and god if he wasn’t so annoying he would be attractive “I need him to do the spell after all, because I know Strange would die before he would help me” 

“What spell, what do you want?” Steve spits beside Thor confused and angry “how’d you even get in here?” he continues like he’s tired of this bullshit and he is.

Suna lets out a little chuckle obviously amused “I’m immortal, I can get in every one of your heads but it’s pretty exhausting so I prefer if you guys help me willingly”

Tony walks over to Natasha and starts to make himself a drink ”immortal?” he scoffs while he raises his brows looking at Suna over his cup as he takes a sip

“i need Loki to do a spell, to drop the veil between Valhalla and Hel so I can bring back my woman and I need Wanda’s blood for the spell” Suna states.

Bucky and Steve shake their heads and Bucky spits “no way in hell” but Suna continues “since im not human i can’t use my blood and she's my descendant” he looks at everyone “I’ll give you all a couple of days to think about it” he gets up walking towards the elevator everyone's gaze following him “3 days to be exact” he pats Steve’s shoulder as he walks by with a smile and once he’s in the elevator he turns around and smirks “after that, i’m going to start killing people” and the doors close.

“There is no way we are dropping the veil right?” Sam looks at everyone

“Hel holds the worst people out there, if the veil collapses and we bring people back what stops our _dead_ enemies from being resurrected too” Thor says but stops and his face drops “i have to go see Jane” is all he says before he disappears down the stairs.

“We gotta know more,” Tony says downing his drink “I’m going to tell Strange to do a locator spell on that lunatic” he points at Steve “get Wanda, we’ll need some of her blood for the spell” he walks down the stairs leaving it at that.

* * *

“Loki” Wanda greets walking into Loki’s room as he sits up in bed, he nods in return “did anyone tell you about what happened” he sighs feeling is muscles ache from the panic attack he had hours ago

“i was there” she frowns but he simply says “astral projection” as he grips the bed frame and she nods

“should we?” she walks closer scanning him in simple black sweatpants and a dark green t-shirt.

Loki shakes his head “can you help me?” he looks at her scared and she nods. His stomach burns at the pity in her eyes but she doesn’t question what happened as she takes his hand and pulls him up but before he lets go of her hand she pulls him forward and he feels the familiar pain of a knife in his stomach.

He groans loudly unwillingly supporting his already weak body against Wanda who suddenly turns into Suna “well you better” he whispers in Loki’s ear “or else everyone you know will end up dead, and you will be left to deal with the thought that you could have stopped it” he pushes Loki off the knife and he drops to the floor all his muscles aching and now he’s fucking bleeding everywhere.

Suna examines his knife and sees a piece chipped off “well that’s gonna be fun for you” he smiles staring down at Loki as the man tries to sit up “see you around” Suna says happily walking out. Loki pulls himself up with a loud groan that could almost be a yell, supporting his back against his bed he pants.

“FRIDAY” he says after a minute of catching his breath and trying to remember that robots name “yes?” she answers right away, he pants some more groaning and pulling himself up so that he’s sitting properly and not hurting his neck “can you ask Banner to come here?” she doesn’t say anything but he assumes she listened and as he expected 5 minutes latter banner walked in and freezes before rushing over

“what the hell happened” Banner sputters and Loki conjures up a dagger, forcefully putting it in Banners hand “Suna stabbed me there's a piece stuck” 

Loki groaned as Banner used the small dagger to dig around in his wound for that piece of metal

“why didn't you call thor for help?” he asks not reacting to Loki’s hiss as she pushes the knife deeper

“he’s with jane remember?” he stops for a second looking at Loki expecting him to be joking but Loki doesn’t falter

“how’d you know?”

Loki shrugs but stops with a hiss “astral projection, my conscious was there but my body was here” he twists the knife deeper and Loki growls

“i didn’t know you could do that”

Loki smirks “i can do almost anything”

Banner focuses on the wound, seeing a tiny piece of silver “so you know what he wants you to do?”

Loki nods scrunching his nose and hissing again through clenched teeth “we can’t do it” he frowns not expecting that “like thor said Hel holds the worst people” 

“never thought i’d say this” Banner shakes his head and he flicks the knife and a piece of metal pops out rolling onto the floor with a clink “but you’re a good brother” he says over Loki’s growl of pain but he quickly lets out a large sigh, relieved of the uncomfortable sting

“im better at being the bad guy”.

* * *

The locator spell didn’t work, Suna was probably strong enough to block it out so they decided that everyone would split up ad search for him. It’s impossible considering they’re in _New York_ but they’ve dealt with worse, a search party is nothing for them. “They may fight like wolves but in the end, they would die for each other” Gamora tells Suna who leans forward

“really?”

they were at a restaurant 13 blocks from the tower sitting outside on a small round table with a little vase of red flowers in the middle. Gamora had no choice but not to tell anyone, she thinks to herself to tell everyone that Suna can even control you through the phone “what if all their friends we’re at risk?”

she shrugs “i don’t know Loki is unpredictable” Suna leans back, crossing his arms with a smile. “Now my turn” Gamora states and Suna looks shocked but he nods “if we drop the veil”

Suna stops her raising finger “ _when_ you drop the veil” Gamora continues not agreeing or denying because it wasn’t her choice “what stops our dead enemies from coming back?” Suna tilts his head back “ah” he smirks “people can only come back by passing through the anchor” and Gamora is about to ask who or what it is but her head stings for a couple of seconds as her tongue turns to stone “go back to the avengers tell them about the anchor and nothing else” Suna commands and against her will Gamora gets up and walks away.


	4. anger and agony is better than misery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki spits out his coffee, suna fucks around and the avengers feel bad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from 'pain' by three days grace

“He never said what it was?” Bucky raises a brow not breaking eye contact with Gamora as she sighs, she drops her arms frustrated

“no, he mind-controlled me before I could ask”

Quill lets out a huff “we can’t risk it”

tony looks at him determined “we don’t know what it is so, what stops people from passing through?”

and quill lets out a loud and satisfied “exactly!”. 

The elevator dings behind them and they turn to find the brothers walking in “don’t mind us” Loki smiles and Tony's surprised at how well he’s doing with Gamora and Nebula.

“we could figure out a way to kill him” Wanda suggests but it’s quickly shot down by Tony “he’s immortal remember?” Wanda frowns and Loki makes a sound of disagreement “nature always has a balance, there’s some way to kill him he’s just not telling us” Loki places his hands in his sweater pockets feeling his stomach churn as everyone looks at him. 

“the witch, she must be on the other side right?” Peter adds and Loki shoulders drop with a sigh as everyone looks to the teen “we can ask her how to kill him” he says merrily but Strange chimes in “that requires the veil to drop”

The elevator dings again but they aren't expecting anybody, so nobody turns.

“so” Suna announces walking into the lounge, he smiles as everyone turns to him and Loki prays Suna never heard them talking

“is security just letting you in now?” Tony frowns at him but goes unnoticed

“I’ve heard that you two-” Suna points at the brothers. Thor went and sat with Rocket and Loki followed except he plopped himself into an armchair with a book before they were interrupted “-would die for each other” Suna locks eyes with Loki over the top of his book “a lot different from when I knew you” he shifts his weight to one hip and crosses his arms still looking at the sorcerer. 

“shut up” Loki hides behind his book as Thor starts to looks between them hastily

“what?” Thor’s jaw drops and Loki places his book in his lap to pick up his coffee off the end table. He takes a sip as he pays no mind to his brother

“well, we used to fuck” Suna says unconcerned as coffee goes spewing everywhere and Loki almost chokes. 

“We did _not_ need to know that” Natasha declares, her lips twisted up while not looking at Loki

“I knew I should’ve killed you a couple hundred years ago” Loki snarls at him and the coffee dribbling down his chin as he gets up “you made me waste my coffee fucking asshole” he walks into the kitchen and notices Nat still isn’t looking at him

“i missed you too babe” fake sincerity dripping from Sunas voice as he smirks and the avengers look confused or disgusted as they silently watch the two ex-lovers.

“you better shut the hell up” Loki sing songs as he pours his coffee and Suna licks his lips making sure that it’s obvious he’s checking Loki out

“please make me” and it actually sounds so sincere that Loki stops his hand midair from grabbing the sugar. 

“you are obnoxious, vulgar and quite troublesome” he states staring Suna in the eye and smirks when he sees Suna deflate slightly, Loki spent years with him, he knows Suna, or he used to “I’d say I dodged years of misfortune and I don’t think I want that now” he grabs the sugar and pours a teaspoon in his coffee. 

“wait” Bucky speaks, probably the only one brave enough to interrupt the two assholes “how the hell is the earth still together if _you two_ were together” Loki grabs the cream while shrugging

“I wasn’t immortal then” Suna says before he could while looking Bucky in the eye, Suna smirks at feels the satisfaction he feels when he sees Bucky’s eyes widen

“why do you think he became immortal?” Loki says his voice dry, he adds cream to his coffee and fixates on it so he doesn’t have to look at everyone “to be with me” he finishes and grabs a spoon to stir his coffee

“yet you left me alone for eternity” Suna retorts with a bubbly tone

“turned out great for you look at you tryna get your girl back” Loki says and he sees Sunas lip twitch, he resists the urge to smile at the pain he caused the man when he walks back to his spot on the armchair.

“you never told me about this” Thor states offended and Loki shrugs

“doesn’t matter because i never loved him” he sips his coffee looking at Suna over his cup, he quickly straightens and changes the subject

“anyways you never answered my question” Suna locks his gaze with his

“i’d stab Thor for fun” he states, trying to annoy Suna and going back to his book.

“that’s true he stabbed Thor a week ago” Rocket agrees and Loki hides his smirk behind his book

“so” his book goes flying out of his hands and lands across the room by the island, Loki shakes his head slightly “you wouldn’t care if he died?” Suna asks and Loki can hear how much fun he’s having.

Loki sighs, his shoulders drop as he rolls his eyes looking from his book to Suna holding his gaze for a second “no” he states emotionless, not giving Suna what he wants.

The man smirks “let’s test that shall we?” he raises a hand and Loki hears a hum in his ears, he feels faint and scrunches his eyes shut to stop the room from spinning but it only lasts a couple of seconds before Suna drops his hand. “get up” Suna barks his voice low and against his will Loki listens,

“if you wanted to get back together there was no need for mind control” Loki says as he tries to move, he groans trying his hardest but it doesn’t work “cute” Suna mutters “now it’s either you or your brother”.

Suna smiles harder seeing Loki look at Thor in panic “no stopping until one of you guys are dead” he points at them and spins on his heel “good luck”

* * *

Loki hit Thor in the face so many times he was bleeding, his eye starting to turn purple “fight back!” he pushes Thor harshly but his older brother doesn't do anything. He easily took out all the avengers under five minutes, despite his brother getting in the way and he hates himself for hitting Peter and Steve but he couldn’t even look at Wanda and Nat lying on the floor without wanting to throw himself out the window so he didn't look at anyone but his brother. He hits Thor again this time hard enough that he stumbles back onto his knees “ _fight back”_ Loki snarls grabbing the collar of Thor's armor to pull him up and swiftly presses a black dagger to his neck “ _fight back_ ” he shouts desperately in Thor’s face almost missing the sound of metal hitting the floor and he doesn't have to look down to know his brother dropped Stormbreaker.

“I’m not going to fight you, not anymore” Loki growls trying to pull the dagger away he knows it’s no use and he presses the dagger down harder as he bites his tongue so hard that he tastes metal in his mouth.

“ _please_ brother” Loki blinks harshly feeling himself press harder, he keeps his gaze off of the trickle of blood beneath the dagger “ _fight back”_ he pleads and Thor shakes his head

“it’s you or me”. 

Loki’s lip quivers slightly as he tries to hold back his tears “I’m so sorry” he whispers and Thor smiles “it’s okay” he exhales “I love you brother” Thor closes his eyes with a small smile and Loki doesn’t say it back, not believing that this is how they end, by _his hands._

* * *

He woke up feeling like shit, his whole body sore from fighting. He groans sitting up but he’s stopped by chains around his wrists “ah good” Thor says happily from his seat by the door “you’re awake” Loki pulls against the chains but it’s no use, Asgardian metal.

“what happened” he croaks out wincing at the sound of his voice

“Wanda put a sleeping spell on you” Thor states scanning his brother

“I knocked her out?” he breathes quietly, hating that he did that

“she’s stronger than she looks”

“what are you guys planning to do with me?” he relaxes and moves back to sit against the wall

“keeping you here until we figure out how to stop the mind control”

Loki groans before he bangs his fist against the hard white wall. “Why is _everybody trying to save me_ !” Loki growls kind of liking the pain it causes in his throat. He’s suspicious of them, not believing that a tiny bit of the Avengers actually _like_ or even _care_ for him.

“because I have to Loki!” Thor screams and his little brothers head jerks back with wide eyes “because you saved my life because I owe you” his brothers face drops

“I caused you nothing but burden after burden every century”

Thor shrugs before getting up “you’re my brother and I love you” Loki frowns, his mouth slightly agape “there’s nothing you can do to change that”

Loki laughs dryly “we’re not brothers” he hated being controlled, mind control is simply not control, it’s manipulative. It takes all your strongest emotions and amplifies them. anger becomes rage, sadness becomes despair, like becomes love, anxiety becomes crippling and worst of all, if you’re hopeless, you become suicidal. 

“I’ll always be your big brother, and I'm sorry I wasn't better at it, but i will make it up to you” and Loki hears the sound of Thor's boots fade as he walks away. He loved Thor more than anyone, no matter how he tried to hide it, everyone knew, even Suna knew and they had never seen each other in over a four hundred and three years. He loved Thor despite being pushed aside, despite being treated like he was weak, that he needed Thor to save him all the time, despite being treated like the monster he is,

despite having to live up to Thor, Loki loved him more than anything but he also hated him, Thor didn’t know what he was doing, by being mean to Loki he let others believe it was okay to do so, thus it became normal for the God to hear insults or see judgy looks as he walked through Asgard, that followed him all the way here to Earth. 

* * *

“cap” he lifts his head to see Tony leaning against the door frame “can I ask you a huge favour?” Steve shoots up in his bed forgetting about his book “if things go south-“

Steve narrows his eyes “ _Tony”_ the man raises a hand taking a couple steps forward

“just listen to me please” and Steves gaze softens “if something happens to me lookout for the kid, help him” Steve's nose twitches as tears well up in his eyes but Tony smiles softly “I said _if”_ and Steve nods with a sad smile

“I’m offended you even have to ask” Tony returns the smile, just as sad

“just making sure”.

“Nothings going to happen to us Tony, we’ll figure this out and even if we don’t I have no doubt that Loki has twenty backup plans” Tony hesitantly takes a seat at the foot of his bed with a sigh he fiddles with his pants before speaking

“we don’t know what those plans involve and who walks out of those plans of his” Steve knows, they can't trust Loki that is going to take a long time for any of them especially Tony.

“if one of us had to die I'm sure he would s-”

Tony snaps his head towards him so quick that Steve got scared for a second “he never said anything about the fact that I was supposed to snap, he knew all this shit was coming and he never said anything” he points towards the door “he didn’t say shit about Suna, what else is he not telling us?”

Steve runs a hand through his hair before sighing “he’ll do anything for Thor, I’m hoping that means he would care for our lives” Tony’s gaze hardens

“I hope you’re right Grandpa” he says walking out before Steve can throw something at him 

* * *

“Your efforts to be the good guy have been so cute, but it’s time to face the truth” Suna squats down in front of Loki, grabbing him by his jaw and forcing Loki to look at him “you were born to be bad, you’ll never be the hero” Loki doesn’t react, simply stares.

“what do you want” he questions and Suna let’s go pushing him back slightly

“nothing” Suna scans Loki sitting against the wall, chained up like he wanted “do you remember the fun we had?” he sits on thor’s chair and Loki mouth twitches before he straightens his back. 

“you were a different person” Loki states and Suna raises a brow crossing his arms

“so you don’t miss it?” he stares Loki down and Loki does, he misses not having a care in the world, living life and doing what he wanted without worrying about anybody locking him up Suna smirks when Loki stays quiet. 

“I did this for you and you left” Suna stares him down and Loki lets out a weak laugh

“I never asked you to do this, I never said I loved you and wanted to be with you forever” Loki rests his head against the wall “you decided this on your own” Loki finishes.

Suna leans forward resting his elbows on his knees and knitting his fingers together “you want me to stop the mind control?” Suna asks lowly.

Loki nods weakly still no emotion at all “then tell me the truth” Suna demands and the weak man sighs, tilting his head forward

“I loved the way you treated me, you treated me like I outshined the entire universe and that's what I was in love with” he leans his head back against the wall again.

There's a hum in his head for a split second “it’s done”

Loki snaps his eyes open and he sees Suna starts to walk out “Star” the man stops in his tracks at the name, no one called him that, only Loki, when they were together when they were happy and Suna misses it more than anything and having Loki _right there_ just makes it hurt more.

His heart beats against his ribcage as he looks back at Loki “thank you” he utters still leaning against the wall, Suna nods slightly before he leaves and Loki smirks at the surprise and longing in Suna’s eyes. 

_"you’ll always be the God of Mischief but you could be more”_

* * *

Apparently Tony never put mics in these specific cells or he just never got around to it. “Thor!” Loki yells letting out a frustrated sigh “Stark!” he pulls against the chains harshly “ _fuck_ ” he hates this. It was too similar to what _he_ did. The room was too similar to that dark grey room he was kept in except this time he had a light so he could somewhat ground himself. He counts backward from a thousand, to distract himself and it works because he doesn’t know how long it’s been but he got to 106 when Thor walks in. 

“you couldn’t take any longer?” Loki pulls against the chains “unchain me, St- Suna undid the mind control” Thor frowns and jerks his head back.

“No urge to kill me?” Loki shakes his head

"No resentment or anger?” Loki shakes his head

“If I gave you a dagger right now would you use it?” Loki shakes his head without missing a beat.

Thor nods walking over and undoes the chains around his wrists “don’t be mean if my friends freak out” Thor says softly and Loki nods rubbing his shoulders, sore from being in uncommon positions “you’re joining us for supper” Thor states before walking out and not paying attention to Loki’s groan. 

* * *

Loki sat at the table with the original Avengers, Clint switched out for Wanda plus Bucky, Sam and Peter. He stays quiet as everyone conversed and he could see Thor check on him once in a while out of the corner of his eye. He wasn’t hungry but he forces himself to eat some fries every time Thor looks at him, honestly, the food made him want to puke, he liked the food, it was just too heavy, too strong in his mouth it made his throat constrict and his stomach churn but he forces himself to eat to please his brother.

“Hell of a way to come out Loki” Natasha smirks at him resting her head in her hand,

“you say that like I should know what it means?” he takes a sip of water to have something to do

“being with a man isn’t considered normal here,” Thor tells him when he puts his glass down

“that’s not true, it’s just not the default” Steve states and points at him before crossing his arms

“so what does come out mean?” Loki looks back at Thor but quickly switches his gaze to Bucky.

“it’s when you let people know that you’re gay” Bucky says before he takes a huge bite of his burger making Loki’s stomach clench.

“Gay?” he pops a single fry into his mouth

“men liking men instead of women” Natasha states still in the same position

“I like women” Loki frowns

“so you’re bisexual?” Tony tilts his head and Loki shrugs

“if that’s what you want to call it”. 

“Well, what did you call it on Asgard?” Peter asks as he leans forward, he and Thor frown at each other.

“Love” and that seems to shock everyone because no one says anything, there was no word for it on Asgard, you simply loved who you loved

“Asgard cared about war not love, as long as who you loved didn’t get in the way or put people at risk for you, it was okay” Thor chimes in “remember that girl that was in love with you and tried to get her brothers after you when you rejected her” Thor smiles at Loki remembering back when they were around Peters age

“the time one of them fell in love with me or when those other shits tried to beat me up?” he laughs softly and Thor’s laugh almost makes him flinch from the volume

“both were entertaining” Loki rolls his eyes

“how old are you guys?” Tony interrupts before Loki can spit out a reply. “One year for you is sixty-five years for us” everyone looks shocked but Thor ignores them and continues “I'm twenty-three in your years” he looks to everyone and there are a couple of shrugs because he does look his age. “Loki?” He looks up at Peter his eyes wide and Loki decides that it’s only his age it’s not that personal “I'm a thousand two hundred, sixty-four so I'm nineteen”

Tony turns pale, Natasha straightens in horror, Banner looks sick, Bucky and Sam froze “wait is it past the seventeenth?” Loki looks at Thor confused and his brother nods, not paying attention to the avengers “well then I'm a thousand two hundred and sixty-five now”

Thor frowns “I said happy birthday to you” his voice raises as he speaks but Loki ignores him as he watches Caps eyes widen, Wanda covers her mouth while closing her eyes and Peter has tears in his eyes.

“What?” Loki asks and pops some fries into his mouth just to have something to do with his hands

“how old were you in New York?” Tony breathes out and Loki thinks for a second “still nineteen, I'm sure, I can’t remember New York that well” He wants to stop talking, to shut up and leave but he doesn't, his mouth keeps going “ya know since my mind was fucked with” he stops and watches everyone

“you died three times, were imprisoned by your own father, controlled, held captive, lost both your parents, tortured and you’re only 19?”

Loki nods before adding “if you add the years we aged like you then im 24” Loki pops another fry in his mouth, not caring if he talks with his mouth full since Banner does it “and there’s a lot more you don’t know”

Steve’s brows knit together as his jaw shakes “what?” and despite Loki’s wishes, he spits it out

“I watched my father die, was treated like dirt my whole life, killed my biological father who left me to die as a baby, Odin killed one of my past loves because he wasn’t pure Asgardian, I broke the laws of nature by speaking to my mother after Ragnarok happened, so being kept in the soul stone was apart of my punishment-”

Sam drags his hands down his face “stop” and Loki does instantly and he finally realizes. 

“Biological father?” Banner asks in shock, not looking at anyone but Loki “I’m a frost giant” _that confirms it, that stupid fuck put a truth spell on me._

Loki leaves before anyone can say anything. Nobody tries to stop them, Tony, Banner, Nat and Thor watch him walk out while Bucky, Wanda, Sam, Steve and Peter's gaze is frozen on the spot Loki once sat “sorry to say” Natasha breaks the silence focusing on Thor as he meets her gaze “I hate your father” Thor nods staring at the table now

“sometimes I do too” 

* * *

Loki never left his room. He slept and read; that's it, for a whole 5 days all he did was sleep. He completely forgot about Suna because he never showed up, they never got reports of anyone they cared about being murdered. So Loki forgot and sulked. His magic was weak so weak that sometimes he notices his lips or fingers turn blue and it didn't take any more than three minutes for him to figure out that it was probably Suna. So he locked himself up, he already hated himself for telling them he’s a fucking monster but he would surely end it all if they saw his Jötun form, but that never stopped them from trying.

First, it was Thor, he was knocking at the door for a good five minutes before Loki got annoyed, “what do you want?” he spits turning onto his stomach and burying his face into his pillow

“can you open the door please?”

Loki sighs but doesn’t respond hoping his brother will get the hint

“they don’t hate you brother” Loki hears the sorrow in Thor’s voice as he listens to Thor lean against the door. 

_he isn’t leaving soon_. 

“I hate myself” he whispers into his pillow so Thor doesn't hear

“can you at least eat something?” Loki stays silent again, he hears a thump and guess it was Thor “I'm worried about you brother” Thor pauses “they too are worried” and Loki can’t stop the laugh from erupting in his throat

“I’m not worth it” he hears thor shift

“you think that and it’s wrong, I’ll show you eventually” Loki doesn’t reply, he’s not worth caring for, it’s a waste of time, he’s hellbound, shit he’s the god of Hel now, there's nothing he can do for redemption.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about Suna?” he knows Thor is frowning, he hates when his little brother keeps secrets but what the hell do you expect, he’s the god of mischief

“Suna doesn’t matter to me, he was just a means to feel better about myself” he winces, he didn’t want to tell the truth but he can’t break that spell without his magic. He hears Thor chuckle

“since you know him we need you to help us”

Loki chuckles this time “you think I sat in here doing nothing?” he turns over lying on his stomach with a hand on his chest “I’ve got about 10 different plans brother, half of them, I can not tell you so please don’t ask”

He hears thor get up with a grunt “well you’re going to have to tell us the other plans” and Loki listens as the sound of Thors boots against the floor fade away.

* * *

“Loki” Natasha says as she leans against his door

“before you say it” he grunts sitting up in bed trying to suppress the shiver running over him “you guys don’t care about me, it’s pity” Natasha is quiet for a second

“it’s not pity to care for someone who went through something they didn’t deserve”

Loki has no response, he’s speechless because he convinced himself he deserved it for years he told himself it’s what he deserved for being such a burden, a monster. Especially coming from Natasha. Clint told him about the red room and everything she went through, what she all did. She was able to redeem herself, they were able to sincerely care for her “you’re not a monster Loki” she sighs waiting for a response

“you have no idea how wrong you are” he says quietly jaw clenched and staring at the door

“I’ll leave a plate of food for you out here” he hears her voice shake for a second but he doesn’t have to the audacity to think she’s crying exclusively over him. Not possible. He stares down at his blue hands blinking harshly at the tears in his eyes.

* * *

“You know” his head snaps up from his book at the sound of Wanda’s voice “I killed some people in Lagos years back, the difference between us is that I was in my right mind” he shuts his book placing it on the floor “they never thought less of me, I locked myself up too and they didn’t try any harder with me than they are with you” he gets up and sits on his bed so he can see the door clearly letting his mouth fall open before speaking

“you’re human, I could kill everyone here easily” he states looking at his pale blue hand, using his fingers and tracing the raised silver lines, _monster._

“Yet you don’t, why is that?”

he can’t stop himself “it would hurt my brother” _fucking truth spell_

“you want us to hate you and I can not figure out why” he thinks for a second as she stays silent.

“It’s easier that way, no disappointment for any of us” he says after he hears her walk away

* * *

He hears another knock and now who the hell could have so much hope in him?

“Loki?” Steve says softly and Loki chuckles, of course it was him

“what’re you doing here”

he hears Steve sigh “came to see a friend” and it sounds so genuine Loki almost opens the door

“more like an ally” he spits back and hears steve chuckle sadly

“you can take all the time you need to open up to us, just don’t lock yourself away” Loki frowns despite Steve not being able to see him “whatever is going through your head, it’s not true” Steve says softly.

Loki doesn’t say anything and it’s quiet for what feels like hours

“Nat told me what you said” and he almost passes out from how fast the room started spinning, she wasn’t meant to hear him.

“Why do you think I won’t leave my room?” he can’t see but Steve shrugs before replying “I honestly don’t know”. 

“My magic is fading, which means my Aesir form is starting to fade along with it” Steve stays quiet and Loki can feel his confusion “my frost giant form is starting to show” he stares at the silver lines littering his blue hands all the way up to his forearm.

“It can’t be that bad”

Loki huffs out a laugh “you don’t know what a frost giant looks like”. He gets up and looks in the mirror, he hoped his eyes weren’t red but they were and it made him want to throw up, he snarled as he saw the blue creeping up his collarbones

“no but you could show me” Loki spins around and stands in front of the door

“I’m a monster Rogers” he states and he can hear Steves breath hitch

“why don’t you let me judge that”.

His hand hovers over the doorknob before he stops and drops his hand back to his side “Thor’s never even seen me like this” it’s silent and it makes his stomach churn again.

“I won’t tell anyone” Steve says softly and Loki doesn’t move, he doesn’t even breathe “please?" Steve asks again

_fuck no no no no no no._

His hand moves to the handle despite him trying with his whole being to stop but that stupid fucking truth spell never broke and he doesn’t have magic to break it. His hand twists the handle and when he opens the door he looks past Steve, making sure no one is coming.

It’s better than watching Steve’s face twist in disgust as he calls the Avengers so they can fucking kill him or lock him up again. 

“I told you it wasn’t that bad” Steve smiles slightly and Loki frowns

“are you mad?”

Steve shrugs “I guess I am” his lip twitches trying to hold back a smile. He scans Steve’s face for _any_ hint of disgust or fear but finds nothing but _respect? Maybe even admiration._

“I’m still staying in this room, they’re not seeing me like this”.

Steve nods in understandingly “as long as you eat”

Loki nods back “only if you don’t tell them about this”

“deal?” Steve holds out a hand but Loki shakes his head stepping back, his eyes grow wide for a split second as he puts his hands behind his back.

“I can’t, it’ll burn you”

Steve doesn’t question it as he draws his hand back “I’ll be back later to bring you supper”

Loki nods and closes the door. _Did I really just get along with Steve Rogers? Worse he actually tried to touch me, he doesn’t care I'm a monster._ He slides down the door until his ass hits the floor.

* * *

“Sir” FRIDAY interrupts Tony from adjusting his suit, he stops and closes the AI screen that he was making plans on “Loki has a poor heart rate and is very weak” Tony gets up instantly feeling his hands tingle, _he hasn’t left his room in a week, is he eating?_

“get Thor and the wizard” he _almost_ runs down the long ass hall to Loki’s room willing his heart to slow down “FRIDAY” he says as he nears Loki’s door “what’s the diagnosis?” she hesitates for a second and so does he “it seems his body is shutting down boss” his heart starts beating so hard it hurts, his hands shake as he twists the doorknob but it’s locked, his body goes numb as a sharp ringing starts in his ears. 

“What’s going on” Thor runs up beside him making him step aside, everything sounds muffled in his ears

“the door is locked” and before Tony can ask FRIDAY to unlock it Thor kicks it in.

Tony's knees went weak when he saw Loki lying on the floor, he was _blue._ The room was freezing to the point Tony could see his breath. He didn't move as he watched Thor rush over and try to wake his brother up desperately before picking him up easily and bringing him downstairs to the medical floor. 

“Do you know what’s happening?” Tony asks either of the men as Thor places Loki’s limp body on the gurney his gaze shifts to Strange as he throws on his scrubs quickly

“call banner” Strange tells Tony but FRIDAY replies with a “yes sir”.

Strange quickly connects a shit ton of wires to Loki after he cuts open his shirt revealing thousands of sliver lines covering his chest.

“Why is he suddenly in his Jotun form?” Steve looks at Thor briefly while Strange shoves an IV in the crook of Loki’s elbow.

Thor scans his brother his eyes lit up with fear and tears “his magic is the only thing that keeps him in Aesir form” the slow beeping of the machine beside him made his bones grow weak as he watched his brothers chest rise and fall slowly.

“Just as I planned” Suna bursts into the room and before Tony can even turn and look at him Thor has his hand around Suna's throat and shoves him into the wall.

“ _What did you do?_ ” he spits and Suna only smirks

“you better be nice to me if you want me to save him” Thor instantly let's go glaring so hard that Suna _almost_ curls in on himself.

“do it _now_ ” Thor growls and Suna walks over with a smirk pushing Strange aside.

 _“magia”_ he hovers his hands over Loki’s chest and closes his eyes _“reddent ei dolorem suum_ ” and just like that the machine beside Thor starts beeping faster, steadier.

They all watch in awe as the blue and silver on Loki’s skin starts to fade back into his Aesir form and Thor feels bile rise in his throat as pink and red scars are revealed all across Loki’s chest. He watches as more form with every inch of blue that fades from his skin.

No one says anything as more and more show up, his arms chest, collar bones, shoulder, even his fucking face has scars and no doubt his back and legs would be covered too. Thor stumbles out trying to breathe properly, the guilt outweighed his rage, he couldn’t save his brother, he didn’t help him.

  
“you knew this would happen” Tony breathes his eyes still locked on Loki’s still form

“maybe you guys would listen next time” Suna looks at Strange and of course he retorts back smugly “without Loki you would have no way to do it”

Suna raises a brow and scoffs with a smile “you think I can’t find other witches, you think I can’t _make you_ do it?”. Strange glares but it doesn’t affect him.

“I took the truth spell off too” Suna starts to walk towards the door noticing that all three men look shocked “I’ll give him a week to get his strength back” Suna stops at the door looking between the three men “maybe more depends on how I'm feeling” he waves his fingers at them and Tony would _love_ to cut them off.

“truth spell?” Steve furrows his brows while he tilts his head to the side, he looks between the other two men and the sorcerer on the gurney as he fidgets with his shirt sleeve.


	5. even satan used to be an angel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> shit gets wild

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry omg

“How are you feeling?” Thor, _Gamora,_ Steve and Mantis walk in. He tenses for a second when he sees _her_ but relaxes when Thor rests a hand on his arm “fine”. _The spell is gone._

“How’s your magic” Loki watches as Thor scans him with wide eyes, he sees that they’re red and he frowns at the thought of his brother crying. He presses a hand to Thors temple and softens his gaze when Thor flinches slightly but quickly relaxes “ _papilio lux”._

He feels Thor let out a huge sigh and draws his hand back Thor opens his eyes slowly and smiles “thank you”

“what happened?” Mantis asks and Loki notices she sounds abnormal, her voice curious but emotionless at the same time. 

“a comfort spell” Loki studies her wide black eyes and antennas

“you can manipulate emotions too?” she asks her eyes growing even wider as she clasps her hands together, he nods and frowns at Thor before turning back to her. 

“how can you influence emotions?” he tilts his head slightly and she walks closer but stops abruptly when she sees him tense. 

“when i touch people i can make them sleep, or feel happy” she holds out a hand offering to show him and when he hesitates Thor tells him “brother it’s honestly astonishing”

Loki frowns at him before offering his hand. Mantis walks closer and stops beside Thor, she sighs before taking his hand. He watches as her eyes dart around under her eyelids.

She lets go like he burned her, dropping Loki’s hand harshly and Loki fears for a second that he actually did hurt her, tears _pour_ out of her eyes, she trembles as she takes in sharp breaths and backs away from Loki. 

“Mantis” Gamora stops her from backing into her

“ _don’t touch me!_ ” she screeches pushing Gamora away before she backs into a chair against the wall and falls into it. 

“brother” Loki breathes, feeling guilt claw at his throat as he looks at Thor and back to the girl having a fucking breakdown, he didn’t do anything so what the fuck happened.

Mantis screams at the top of her lungs as she runs her hands through her hair, her chest felt so heavy with guilt that it hurt her heart, her whole body ached with hatred, her head throbbed with the trauma of memories that she didn’t know of and her throat was tight with desperation, desperate for love, for care, for help. 

Bending herself in half and pressing her forehead to her knees. Everyone looks at Loki and the guilt grows to the point he feels his throat tightening and his stomach roll, he sees Gamora watching him before she quickly bends down in front of Mantis “hey hey look at me” she says softly trying to pull the girls head from her knees. 

“What the hell is going on now?” Tony rushes in and instantly looks at Loki but when he sees that the God is fine he follows the sounds of crying to see that alien chick bent over and screaming while Gamora tries to comfort her

“oh shit” Peter breathes when he runs in behind Tony and sees Mantis. 

“Mantis” Gamora says louder and the girl looks up at her slightly “focus on me okay?'' Mantis frowns as her lips twist, she closes her eyes harshly trying to breathe better and focuses on Gamora's touch, trying to ignore the pure agony she’s in. After Gamora gets Mantis to copy her breathing the woman calms her down, she pants slightly overwhelmed by force of all of those horrible emotions at once. 

“What happened” Peter asks looking between Mantis and Gamora 

“she was going to show Loki how she could influence emotions” Peter shrugs with a frown as Tony's face drops resisting the urge to look at the god

“so?” Peter raises an eyebrow as Gamora sighs

“she touched Loki” Gamora spits harshly and Peter goes still “oh” he breathes. 

Peter looks at Loki and the God looks tired as he says “can someone explain this to me please?” Loki looks at Thor but the man just watches him with tears in his eyes and his jaw dropped slightly. 

“How do you live?” Mantis says and he raises a brow because what the fuck kind of question was that “i’ve never felt someone in so much agony” her brows furrow now 

“i beg your pardon?” he presses his tongue against his cheek and narrows his gaze 

“i’m an empath”

_Oh fuck_

“I’m sorry” he says after he gets himself together

“what?” Gamora asks and her eyes narrow as she looks at him and his shoulders slump

“if i knew she would feel what i feel, i wouldn’t have let her touch me” he looks away from her quickly still not able to be completely functional around her. 

“and what are you apologizing for?” Tony rests his chin in his hands and raises a brow

“i just said it” Loki rolls his eyes and Tony massages his temple before looking back up “oh so you’re sorry for feeling pain, for being in pain?”

Loki’s teeth clench without his realization but Stark keeps going “you’re sorry for letting someone know what you feel, or are you sorry because you let us find out?” Loki feels his heart beat faster with every word and Stark just stands there tapping his finger against his jaw, waiting for an answer. 

“i’m sorry for letting her _feel what i feel_ ” Loki waves a hand towards Mantis “you just seen her, you just seen how much pain she was in, that's what i’m sorry for, i don’t care if you guys _know_ how i feel because you _don’t know what it’s like, but now she does”_ his chest rises and falls faster with every word “she doesn’t get the luxury of _imagining_ what it’s like but you guys do” his tone calms a bit and they all stare in shock because he just met Mantis, literally the first time they’ve ever spoken and he _cares?_ He starts to rip his IV out from the crook of his arm, it doesn’t hurt, after all he was fond of pain.

“Hey Loki!” Thor scolds going to stop him but he already rips the needle out before he starts ripping the sticky wire things off his chest Steve grabs his wrist when he only got two of the wires off

“you better let go of me Rogers” Loki stops and glares at the super soldier “before I snap your arm in half” he sees Thor nod out of the corner of his eye before Steve lets go reluctantly “ _invisique”_ and he’s gone with a glare of green. 

“are you kidding me?” Thor spits out looking around the room and everyone relaxes when his voice isn’t panic but pride “ _Loki?_ ” he calls out leaving everyone behind. 

He walks out of the room and down the long white hallway “we aren’t 10 anymore brother it’s no time for hide and seek” he hears a chuckle when he heads into the foyer of the medical floor

“i’m just tryna have some fun” Loki smirks standing beside the stairs

“are you sure you’re fine brother” Thor walks over and scans Loki, looking for sweating, panting, swaying or shaking and as he walks up to his brother he realizes there’s nothing wrong except for the scar peeking over his black long sleeve shirt. He changed into a black shirt, grey jeans and green _crocs?._

“Nice shoes” Thor looks down at them with a light laugh

“they’re actually quite comfy” Loki looks down at the shoes and tits his foot to the side slightly

“and yes i feel perfectly fine brother” he looks back up at Thor, he meets his little brothers gaze and holds it to say _yes brother i am fine and i will stab you right now to prove it_. 

Thor smiles at that and Loki shrugs ignoring the rest of the Avengers walking in, he scans the room and finds a vase of roses sitting on a coffee table in front of lounge chairs, he walks over to it and carefully takes the roses out, placing them on the table he focuses on the flowers as he whispers “ _tomar lento. na paz, amor”._

After he feels a surge of energy in his palms the flowers are bare and petals are wafting through the room, Thor smiles harder than Loki has seen him in years as he watches the red and yellow petals slowly flutter down around them when Loki notices the rest of the avengers, wide eyes and mouth agape as they too watch the petals fall.

He whispers so quiet that only he can hear it “ _ventus”_ and the petals that fell to the floor go flying up in the air as Loki causes a gush of wind to wander through the room. 

“This was always my favourite trick of yours” Loki watches as a couple of petals fall in front of him remembering when he used to do the same spell back on Asgard

“Asgard's garden stays superior” Loki says as he watches as the last petals fall in front of the avengers standing in the hall

“indeed it does” Thor agrees with a smile and Loki can’t help but feel proud of himself knowing that he caused the happiness that radiates off of his brother. 

“What _can’t_ you do?” Peter spits his arms swinging around and Loki is glad he’s not anywhere near him

“I ask myself that everyday” Thor says and Loki sees Thor looking at Peter.

“well I can’t beat you” he retorts looking at his brother and realizes Thor lost some weight, not much that it’s obvious though.

“With your magic you could”

Loki fiddles with his left palm knowing that's somewhat true “you know magic is cheat-” his breath hitches when Thor's voice comes out sharp “we’re not on Asgard anymore brother, here magic is an advantage, not cheating” Thor and Loki hold eye contact not saying a word

“you can do _anything_ with your magic, I can't imagine the spells that you haven’t shown me” 

Loki closes his eyes and focuses, remembering Asgards golden hallways “ _phantamogriphia decorum_ ”.

He opens his eyes to a gold light travelling down the walls and leaving behind the golden walls he imagined. He watches as the room morphs into Asgard's castle and Thor looks so surprised that it causes a pang in Loki’s heart

“this is Asgard?” Gamora asks but Loki ignores her, he’s had enough of her today. He looks around and where there was a giant window behind him now shows a giant balcony, he missed Asgard, he watches as healers walk by them 

“you were always one to pay attention to detail” Thor says as he watches the same healers. 

“too bad it’s just an illusion” he crosses his hands over each other and when he moves them apart the illusion fades

“I knew you could make illusions but i didn’t know you could do that” Thor’s eyebrows are raised as he smiles at his brother 

“i wouldn’t be the god of mischief if you knew all my tricks would i?” Loki stops for a second before he looks back at Thor “did hugin and munin live?” 

The next couple days Thor forced him to rest, he even made Stark come up with a protocol that requires Stark or Thors permission to leave his room. He went out to eat and that was pretty much it, not like he wanted to be around them anyways but the fact that they felt the need to lock him up pissed him off.

* * *

“Okay so what’s your plan?” Tony asks Loki as soon as he and Thor walk in

“shouldn’t we wait for everyone else?” Wanda frowns at Tony and he simply waves it off with “we can tell them later” Loki stands behind the couch that Wanda is on while Thor walks over and sits in an armchair beside the T.V and Stark. 

“the veil existed for this long so that means the anchor is indestructible” He leans against the couch, his hands resting on the back of it “when we find out who the anchor is i’ll switch them out for an illusion” he looks at stark briefly “and when he realizes it’s an illusion you all need to be out of there” Tony stood up pointing a finger at him. 

“this is our fight too” Tony spits and Loki glares, because he knows, he knows they want to fight but if they do they’ll end up dead. 

“even if you guys are super soldiers you have no chance against him” Tony deflates and crosses his arms, holding onto his elbow a little too hard “I’m a God and I make it just past the point where he can’t kill me” Tony’s head tilts as he grips his arm so hard his knuckles go white. 

“Brother it’s madness” Thor stands up and goes to stand beside Tony, he shoves his hands in his sweater pockets watching his big brother 

“not if you fight alongside me” Thor smiles and it doesn't reach his eyes.

Tony froze, his eyes going wide as he took a sharp inhale “To-'' Wanda starts to question but is interrupted when blood coats Tony’s abdomen.

Thor turns into Suna and he pushes Tony to the floor before he examines the blood on his knife.

Tony lays on the floor and stares straight at the ceiling gasping for air as he holds a hand on his stomach. 

“oh my god” Wanda utters as she gets up to walk over to him and Loki follows, he makes it to the end of the couch before Suna holds up his knife ready to stab either of them. 

“ah” they stop dead in their tracks and Loki would love to shove that dagger in his neck but he can’t.

Suna points at Tony “this” he starts to walk up to them “is because you two won’t listen” the man points between the two sorcerers “and if you still chose to disobey me, it’ll be Thor and then Steve and then little Morgan” he sucks his teeth “well you get it right?” he smiles hands behind his back and rocking on his heels. Loki wants to throw him out that window, he wants to snap his neck, he wants to cut everyone of his fingers off and shove them up his ass.

Loki looks between the girl in front of him and the psycho by the TV _I can’t get to Tony, I can’t protect Wanda not against him._

“i’ll do it if she does” Loki says nodding his head toward Wanda and she’s still watching Tony, as his eyes start to shut. 

“only if we can bring him back” She says her gaze hard as she stares the lunatic straight in the eye and Suna smiles wider

“you can bring back _whoever_ you want” Suna beams and Loki sees Tony’s pupils dilate as his chest falls a final time. 

She lets out a shaky breath looking at Tony’s body again “who’s the anchor?” Loki steps forward and Suna raises a brow looking delighted 

“it’s my brother, but he’s desiccated in a box across the lake from Tony’s cabin” he turns to look at the man he just killed and then back at the two 

“can we make Tony the anchor?” Loki suggests and Suna looks surprised as well as Wanda, she turns around to protest but Suna speaks first.

“so we need to wake my brother up, you do the spell to switch the anchor from him to Tony, then bring the veil down let whoever we want pass over and close it” he says happily he looks back at Tony once more, grinning at his work “Should we get started?” he smiles as he rubs his hands together while looking at the two sorcerers.

”what do we need for the spell?” Suna turns and leans against the armchair beside him

“something of Tony’s, my brothers blood and the talisman i have”. 

Loki nods and follows Suna as he walks to the elevator morphing into Strange as he walks. As they step in the elevator Loki closes his eyes for a couple seconds and focuses on blocking out Suna, he should do the same to Wanda but it would give them away if Suna never heard either of their thoughts. None of them says anything until the bell dings a couple minutes later as they reach the ground floor, they walk out following Strange, or Suna. 

He looks around for somebody that can help, someone of high authority that can get to Thor and Stark right away, hell even _Peter_. He sees Happy reading a magazine in a chair beside Pepper and resists the urge to just blurt it out. He focuses on Pepper ignoring Happy’s look of disgust as he sees Loki watching Pepper

_In sertia._

He sees Pepper flinch slightly and he knows that it worked 

_don’t panic_ she looks at him, her eyes almost bulge out of her head as he walks by. 

He moved his gaze from her to Strange’s back acting as normal as he could so he wouldn’t set Suna off _that’s Suna not Mister Strange, he just killed Stark but we’re going to bring him back right now._

she wants to run over and yell, beg for an explanation, but she doesn’t Tony told her about Suna and his powers, if she even acted suspicious Suna would surely kill her.

 _Tony is dead,_ he looks at her out of the corner of his eye and softens his gaze _we’re bringing him back,_ he trains his eyes ahead again as they reach the door.

_I have a plan to stop Suna so tell the others we’re going to your lake house._

She watches as the three walk out, her heart beating against her rib cage as she thinks about Tony and _their_ daughter.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“I never thought i would hate being a god” Loki says between grunts as he shovels dirt out of a hole “are you even sure this is the spot?” 

Suna’s smirk drops and his eyes look dull as he questions back “are you an asshole?” Suna smirks as Loki starts shoveling again. 

“In fact yes I am” he grunts, shoving the shovel into the dirt again but it stops abruptly. Loki looks up at Wanda and Suna, Suna gets up immediately, his eyes glistening with excitement.

Suna jumps into the hole and helps brush the rest of the dirt aside so they can get the coffin out “Here” he nods Loki over to him at the other end of the coffin and Loki walks over to see Suna point at a handle

“I am _not_ pulling this thing out myself”

Suna crosses his arms and Loki sees his teeth grind. 

“get out of the hole, I'll do it” Wanda spits before Suna can snap at him.

They climb out just as easily as Wanda lifts the coffin out of the hole and carefully puts it down, Suna walks over and doesn’t hesitate to open the coffin he studies his brother, grey, veins popped out and lifeless.

Loki tenses when he sees Suna pull a knife from his pocket, “Give me your wrist” Suna holds out his palm for Wanda to comply, her eyebrows knit together and he can see her eyes go wide.

 _“what?”_ Wanda spits, making Suna groan and rolls his eyes

“he’s desiccated we need blood to wake him up”

she slowly gives her wrist and flinches slightly when he drags a knife across her wrist. He let’s go, letting her press her wrist to his brothers dry lips and watches in satisfaction as the veins fade

“I should’ve told you this before” Suna smiles as he sees the colour spread into his brothers face and Wanda pulls her wrist away and holds it close to her chest. 

“but if you think _im crazy_ '' Loki sees a glint in his eyes as he smirks at them “my brother will show you a whole ‘nother level” Suna looks back as his brother groans before he grabs Suna by the throat and hits him so hard Loki swears that he hears a crack.

Loki watches as Suna’s brother jumps out of the coffin. He has dark hair, baby blue eyes and a sharp jawline, the only thing that looks similar to his brother. 

“who the hell are you?” he walks forward eyes narrowed and veins popping out of his forehead, when the man grabs Loki he places his hands on the man's head, he doesn’t question why he doesn’t remember Loki, Loki doesn’t care anyways.

“ _papilio lux_ ” he lets go and so does the man

“what did you do?” the man steps back, jaw dropped

“comfort spell”. 

They all turn as Suna groans “nice to see you too bro now can we get to the spell” Suna’s brother looks beside him briefly before looking away and Loki doesn’t bother to question it.

Loki grabs Wanda's injured wrist gently and hovers his hand over the wound, a green light stitches together the cut before she can ask or do anything, she utters a “thank you” before he places a hand on her back motioning for her to stand with Suna while he does the spell.

He walks over to Suna’s brother and pulls out a pair of Tony’s sunglasses that he snagged from the Tower, he looks over at Suna and raises a hand, Suna throws a small wooden necklace into it, Loki studies the small carved lines into it. O _f the moon and sun._

“I need some of your blood” he looks up at the man with dark hair in front of him and he takes the man's palm when he holds it out, he holds the glasses and necklace in one hand while he uses the other to conjure a dagger and scrape it across the man's palm. 

“Hold it over the fire” he nods at the firepit and the man listens _“Im A Pran Khos Suptia Jhem Ai Pada Khe Rassatam”_ Loki walks over to the fire as the man's blood drips into it _“Im A Pran Khos Suptia Jhem Ai Pada Khe Rassatam”_ as usual the clouds grow so thick it almost seems like it’s night time and the wind picks up, the man pulls his hand back when the fire pops and a burst of embers rise _“Im A Pran Khos Suptia Jhem Ai Pada Khe Rassatam''_ he throws Tony’s glasses into the fire and scowls when the fire rises and he can feel his skin burn, the wind causing the fire to flicker everywhere.

 _“Ai Pada Se Rassatam. Ai Pada Se Rassatam”_ he throws the talisman in next and has to step back when the fire grows so high it’s taller than him, _“Ai Pada Se Rassatam. Ai Pada Se Rassatam”_ the fire dies down, the clouds clear and the wind stops as soon as he stops talking.

“Holy shit” Wanda breathes and Loki turns around to see Stark, his eyes darting around to everyone and gasping, he steps towards Loki not wanting to be near Suna. 

“Now that thats done” Suna sing songs and looks at Loki, “drop the veil” Loki smirks widely and Suna eyes widen

“im terribly sorry for this” Loki says sarcastically before grabbing Wanda and Tony’s arm, he ignores the guilt as he forcefully pulls Wanda away from Suna.

“ _Invisique_ ”

Suna spins around, eyes wide and darting around “fuck!” he yells running his hands through his hair. 

“what the hell is happening?” Tony utters and Loki almost forgot he was there “he can’t see any of us, so let’s go” they nod and walk away heading back to tony’s cabin 

“what’re we going to do about him and his crazy ass brother” Tony asks as he looks back at the brothers behind them, Suna is freaking out and his brother is bent over laughing at him 

“I’ll handle it, we just need to get you two back” Tony stops 

“no, don’t do that, not today” Tony’s voice is stern.

Loki turns with a frown and Wanda just looks between the two 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about” Loki crosses his arms 

“yeah same” Wanda looks at Tony but he pretends she isn't there 

“you always hide shit, never tell us what the plan is and expect us to just pick up on everything” Tony takes a step forward and Loki can see him clench his fists “you know why we always win?” Loki raises a brow “because we’re a team, we fight together, we ask for backup, you always lose because you think you can do it alone” Tony huffs and stomps away from them.


	6. i'm sorry that i let you down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki is a smarty pants

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title is from let you down by nf also wow 2 chapters in one day :)) ur welcome

“Where are they?” Strange says stopping before he can get to close to Suna, he’s sat on a stump and Strange thought he was sulking until Suna looks up with a smirk. Suna raises a hand and Strange presses a hand to his temple, the hum that Loki felt was like a throbbing migraine for him. “You stay here and don’t move” and Strange his no choice but to comply 

Strange sighs seeing Natasha run up but he quickly tenses because she can’t go against him, she’ll lose. 

“probably wasn’t a good idea to split up” she looks straight at him as he sees her fists clench and she crouches slightly. “You think you can win against me?” Suna smirks taking a couple steps forward and Strange snarls at his confidence “wouldn’t hurt to try” she brings out a gun and starts shooting non-stop as she walks up to him.

Suna stumbles with each bullet and nearly falls over when Natasha jumps on him, wrapping her legs around his neck and then she wraps her hands around his head but before she can even try and snap his neck she feels blood coating her leg as a sharp pain shoots down to her knee. 

She lets go of him and stumbles when she lands, she looks down to see a giant gash in her leg, blood coating her suit, yellow fat peeking out of the cut in some places and she almost gags but the adrenaline quickly distracts her from it when Suna throws a jab. She winces when she feels her nose sting and her eyes water for a second, she stops his next hit and goes to kick him in the head but he stops that, pushing her leg up and she falls to the ground.

Before she can even get up he’s sitting on her chest and uses his legs to hold her arms to her side. 

He smirks as she struggles and he pulls out a knife. She tries to push herself into the ground to get away from the knife and Suna smiles even harder as he presses the knife to her cheekbone and slowly drags it down, he loves that she tries to hide the pain.

“You can’t win” he pulls the knife away and his eyes light up watching the blood dribble down her face and coating her hair, “maybe not but you’re not going to kill me” she bends her legs slightly but he doesn’t acknowledge it

“How s-” she suddenly pushes off the ground and wraps her calves around his face and pulls down. He hits the ground with a grunt as she straddles him exactly how he did to her.

She pulls out her second gun and without hesitation she hits him until he stops moving, ignoring the blood splatter. “He’ll get up soon” strange says when she stops “did that break the mind control?” she asks as she gets up and tilts her head to the side. 

“We’ll i’m moving of my own free will” she nods and walks up to him “i’ll go find Stark you go find Wanda” she nods and he walks away without another word.

She sighs looking at Suna coated in his blood before she starts to walk away. 

“Fuck” 

she doesn’t bother to turn, she knows Suna’s voice and she books it, adrenaline so strong she can feel herself shaking. 

* * *

  
  


“Hey Nat, are you okay what happened?” Banner spits quickly seeing that Nat is panting with a huge cut on her face. She almost literally runs into his arms “Suna, he-” she pants and takes a couple big breaths “-he was trying to kill me” Banner frowns looking her up and downs for any other injuries 

“why?” he asks after he sees that she’s okay apart from another cut on her leg “because he promised to kill people until they do the spell i don’t know” she pants and starts to walk away “we have to go” she says but Banner grabs her wrist, stopping her

“where’s Suna”

she shakes her head “probably looking for someone else to kill” and then suddenly Banner pulls her forward and she feels a searing pain in her stomach.

She half groans and screams before she tries to pull away from him “and he’s got it” Banner whispers in her ear and pushes her to the ground. He smiles as she cries in pain holding her hand over the wound “maybe they will listen, now that they’re precious _Natasha_ is dying” and he walks away. She presses a finger to her in-ear hissing when the movement causes her wound to throb “banner-” she chokes.

“Nat?” she hears Scott reply, she snaps her eyes shut for a second when the trees swaying above her starts to spin “-banner is-” she gasps trying to breathe better so she can tell them and then she hears the real Banner join “what, Nat what is _happening?_ ” but then it stops. Her body feels like static as the pain fades and her vision turns to black

* * *

As Tony, Cap and Drax search for Strange. Nat runs out of the forest onto the trail in front of him and Tony stops “what happened?” Tony scans her confused, she sounded hurt on the transponder but she looks perfectly fine 

“who the hell are you talking to?” Steve stops walking, couple feet ahead of him. 

“Nat” Tony answers, he watches as Cap looks around 

“are you joking because right now isn’t the time, we need to find her and make sure she's okay” Steve gets more aggressive as he speaks and Tony looks at Nat as she whispers “oh my god” her eyes focused on the two men ahead of him

“Na-”

“I’m dead” her voice breaks and Tony sees a tear fall “this is what Suna wasn’t telling us” she licks her lips and looks at Tony, her eyes red “you’re the anchor, you _died_ ” she starts to walk up to him and he doesn’t move or say a word, simply watches her, she looks alive, he can hear and see her but they can’t. 

He sees Steve and Drax watching him “so that means” he breathes out weakly “you can see ghosts” Nat finishes for him. 

“Nat’s dead” he blurts and he doesn't watch as Steve gulps causing a single tear to fall from his eye, Drax looks at the ground and rubs Steve’s back “Loki hasn’t done the spell yet” Tony states watching Nat “you can’t pass through not yet” Nat watches with furrowed brows as more tears drip down Steve’s face. 

“I'm staying with you guys then” she tells Tony and he only nods.

* * *

“it’s just me” Cap says walking up to Loki holding up a hand when he sees Loki’s fists clench “I called Thor he’s heading for Wanda and Tony” Loki nods eyeing cap “did you find Suna?”

Loki smiles happily with a “yep” popping the ‘p’ he grabs a flashlight off the piece of wood beside him and hits Steve in the face causing him to fall to the ground with a loud groan. 

He sighs as he walks around the firepit and grabs a chain, walking back to Suna disguised as Steve and uses the chain to choke him out. Suna groans loudly pulling against the chains and yells in pain “Loki it’s me!” he chuckles and pulls harder 

“no you’re not” he says with a little tune and continues when he leans down to Suna’s ear and whispers “i know Rogers is already with Stark” he loosens his grip letting Suna breathe for a second “your tricks don’t work on me” he spits and then pulls as hard as he can and smirks when Suna screams in pain again. 

“what are you doing?” Scott yells as he runs up to them from the woods he probably heard Suna screaming. 

Loki looks at Scott briefly but ignores him quickly focusing back on Suna “i can’t kill you” he straightens up “but I will stop you” 

Scott frowns looking back and forth between Loki and Suna “Loki seriously what are you doing?” he ignores him again closing his eyes and focusing.

 _“aleora subsitos ocoros mecante”_ Suna screams in agony, so loud it drowns out the beating in Loki’s ears but he continues “ _aleora subsitos”_

he hears his heartbeat in his ears start slow down and Scott walks closer yelling “Loki stop!”.

The wind picks up around them, blowing stray leaves and twigs across the ground, the trees sway back and forth as the wind gets stronger and the clouds grow thicker over them.

Scott sees Loki’s veins start to become visible and Loki can feel it, feel his veins start to run dry “ _olo santire dis et brav”_ his grip loosens on the chain and Suna falls forward on all fours screaming in pain even louder than before and Loki wants to stop, but he can’t let the veil drop, no matter how bad he wants to see his mother. 

“Thor somethings happening, we’re right across the lake from Tonys” Scott yells his finger pressed to the piece in his ear and if Loki didn't turn his off he would’ve heard Thor's reply Scott holds a hand over his face to stop leaves from hitting him and Suna’s weakly crawling away, not making any progress at all.

“ _ocoros mecante aleora subsitos”_ he feels something wet on his lip and he just knows his nose started to bleed but ignores it not losing focus 

“Loki stop this is killing you!” Scott yells at him but he frowns and groans in pain when he feels his cells and tissues start to crumple and wither away 

“ _ocoros mecante aleora subsitos”_ he stops for a second trying to catch his breath, his heart is so slow. 

He doesn’t know how much strength he has left but he keeps going “please” Suna chokes weakly, clenching his heart and Loki sees him start to turn grey, he guesses the look of horror on Scott’s face is because he looks the same.

“ _olo santire dis et brav”_ Suna goes limp, hand falling from his chest and Loki hears his heart stop.

* * *

“Stop!” Tony demands as Thor kicks the glass coffee table, glass flying everywhere and making Wanda flinch from her spot by the island he doesn't know what he threw on the floor but more glass flew everywhere “thats coming out of your cheque” Tony points at the glass at his feet. 

“you said you had a plan” he spits jaw clenched so tight it hurts him; he points at Wanda and she defends herself “that was before I knew we had to drop the veil” she sounds desperate, almost sad. 

He starts to walk over to her but Tony gets up from the barstool and stops him halfway “then do it!” he spits ignoring Tony telling him to calm down as Wanda flinches slightly

“that’s exactly why he did this, so he didn't have to drop the veil” she spits back and he growls 

“my brother is over there” she places her glass on the counter harshly the sound snapping him out of it

“i know that!” 

Thor relaxes a bit, the sound of the desperation in her voice bringing him back and Tony steps back carefully, ready to stop Thor again if needed “So is your brother” he breathes and she gulps but doesn’t show sadness “so is my mother and your parents”

she licks her lips letting out a shaky breath “I know that”. 

“Tell him to stop please” Tony’s head jerks as Loki pops up, leaning against the counter beside Wanda. He looked so real that Tony almost thought he imagined the fact that Loki died.

“Loki said stop” Tony says emotionless as he stares at the deceased god

“i don’t like seeing him like this” Loki’s gaze softens as he scans Thor’s trembling frame. 

“he’s here” Thor breathes out, his voice cracks slightly and Tony nods he didn’t think that Loki would show himself

“he’s beside you” he states looking at Wanda, who instantly takes a step back and examines the spot beside her. 

“well tell him he can rot for doing this to me _again_ ” Thor snarls while walking out. 

Loki watches eyebrows raised and lips pressed together tightly “you guys can’t bring me back” Loki watches as the elevator doors close on his brother ”it will upset nature” he looks back to Stark “you can bring back Natasha, that won’t piss them off as much” Stark frowns he rubs his temple before looking back up at him 

“why would nature be upset with you and not Nat?” Tony watches as Loki rests his elbows against the counter and sighs.

“The spell i used on Suna, i didn’t exactly do it properly” 

Tony lets out a breath as his posture slumps “you needed a _human_ heart” Loki’s lips press together “didn’t you?” 

Loki nods once “any spell that has to do with immortals is dark magic and needs a human to keep the balance” Tony’s breath hitches and Loki frowns as he watches.

“What is going on?” Wanda looks at the place where Loki is standing, not really seeing him and then to Tony.

“Loki needed a human heart for the spell he used on Suna, since he used his own, nature is mad at him so we can’t bring him back” 

Wanda frowns her mouth falls open “why can’t we just do it anyways?” her shoulders tense along with her jaw.

“If you do nature would be mad at you guys too” Tony repeats what he said and Wanda drops her head against the counter.

* * *

“We can’t do the spell without Wanda dying” Steve states glaring at Strange

“when she passes i can use a spell to restart her heart” Strange states and motions for Wanda to stand with him by the fire. 

_“phasmatos obscuram ex luces estnes qua umbres”_ Strange holds his palms out with his eyes closed and quietly chants as the clouds grow grey and thick above them _“natus ignavum evitem”_ the words roll off of Strange’s tongue with ease as he starts to frown “ _phasmatos obscuram ex luces estnes qua umbres”._

The wind starts blowing so strong that even Thor starts to feel unsteady

 _“Phasmatos Obscuram, Ex Luces Estnes Qua Umbres”_ he chants faster and Tony flinches when Loki pops up beside him, no one else reacts so the spell isn’t done yet. 

“I told you guys not to do this” Loki snarls and Tonys stomach clenches 

_“Natus Ignavum Evitem”_

Wanda drags a knife across her wrist and lets it drip onto the fire.

“sorry Mischief, wasn’t my choice” Loki lets out a breath, tilting his head back and he looks emotionless before he disappears. No one says anything to him, they knew it was Loki when he said Mischief. 

_“Phasmatos Obscuram, Ex Luces Estnes Qua Umbres”_ Wanda stayed put until she dropped and Strange quickly did the spell to restart her heart.

* * *

“Mother?” Loki’s heart beats faster than it ever has before, she smiles and then quickly starts to walk over to him. They were somewhere in the woods, he noticed the trees from the lake.

He meets her half ways and they hug for so long Loki never wants to let go, scared she’ll leave “Mister Strange dropped the veil” he tells her as they pull back, but he doesn’t let go leaving a hand on her arm and she does the same

“we gotta go” he tells her determined “you have to pass through Tony” she smiles hiding her sadness from her son, Loki is too caught up in the joy of seeing his mother that he doesn’t notice it as they both focus on the lake closing their eyes. 

They open their eyes to the same campfire as before, across the lake from Tony’s cabin. He looks around for anybody and spots Tony talking to his parents. “I’m proud of you son” his father smiles, he looks like his dad Loki realizes. 

Tony nods “you gotta pass through” Maria shakes her head with a smile “no” she breathes and Tony looks mad, but Loki can feel his pain. 

“what do you mean no” Tony sputters out and Howard moves to touch him but stops, knowing that if he did he would pass through

“each person that passes through you kills you” Howard shakes his head this time “you need to be there for Morgan and the rest of the world”. 

Tony shakes his head and tries to talk but Maria stops him “we’ll be fine, we’ll be watching over you and Morgan” she smiles again a tear falling from her eye “you’ve become so much more than we expected” she bites her lip to stop from sobbing “i love you” and she walks away. 

“mom” Tony’s voice breaks but Howard starts talking to distract him from his mother. “my best creation is you” Tony looks back at him dazed “make sure Morgan is yours” Howard smiles and leaves.

Tony watches as he walks up to Maria, waiting for him by the trees and Tony wants to stop them but he can’t, respecting their wishes he watches them go he prays for the ache in his chest to stop, He prays they find peace, that they don’t have to spend the rest of their afterlife worrying about what he’ll do or how he’ll fuck up, he wants them to find peace so maybe one day he can too.

Loki and Frigga stay hidden as they watch Wanda, her brother, her parents, Steve’s woman, Peters uncle and Vision pass through.

Tony yells and groans in agony each time, Tony never showed pain. in his prophecy of Tony snapping, the billionaire didn't show how much it hurt to wear the gauntlet so he can’t imagine what it feels like.

“we gotta go now” Loki grabs his mother’s hand but she pulls it back harshly. he turns to question her but is interrupted 

“Mother?” they turn to find Thor and Odin walking up behind them

“father?” Loki says his jaw dropping and heart racing when he sees his brother and father but it fades because how dumb would he be to think that Odin isn’t on the other side of the veil.

Thor runs up to his mother and hugs her for probably as long as Loki did.

“We must go so you all can pass through” Thor says pulling away and looking at his family. Loki nods and Thor starts to walk towards Stark, his brother follows. 

“No” their parents say at the same time; Loki freezes and Thor spins around lips curling and brows knitting together

“you _have_ _to_ pass through” he spits through clenched teeth, Odin shakes his head as Frigga speaks “you both know that this is killing Mister Stark” Loki turns around and she smiles at him “what kind of mother would I be if he died and my son lost his chance and my other son lost his world” she looks at them knowing that she’s not wrong. 

“My sons” Odin _smiles_ at them and takes a couple steps forward “we have lived our lives” he looks at Frigga taking her hand “you have to live yours, and without each other, you can not do that” he smiles at Frigga and then at his sons “make us proud” he looks at them both for a couple of seconds, eyes alight with pride “I love you my sons” and Loki almost starts crying from the sincerity in Odin’s entire being before he walks away. Odin knows that as long as they have each other they’ll be okay. 

“Mischief” Tony jogs up behind them making them turn around. They’re in shock but of course Odin has to be dead to be a good father, even so, it meant everything to Loki. “time to pass through” Loki steps closer to Tony “fine” he huffs.

“why is your nose bleeding” Thor questions but Stark ignores him, acting like he’s not there and pays extra attention to Loki when he asks “did Natasha make it?”

Tony nods “yeah she’s going back to the tower with everyone else right now”. 

Thor reaches a hand out and instantly Stormbreaker is flying into it “okay I’ll go catch up with them” Thor tells them and smiles with a pat to Loki’s back before leaving. 

“Okay” Tony turns his gaze to the sorcerer in front of him “time-” he’s interrupted by his throat burning and he bends over in a fit of coughs

“Stark?” the wind picks up around them but Loki is too concerned to acknowledge it. 

Tony pulls himself together quickly wiping his nose to pretend the blood he just spit up was from the nose bleed “time for you to pass through” he places his hands on Loki’s shoulder but nothing happens he feels Loki deflate but Tony refuses to believe it.

he steps back taking his hands off of the god and then touching him again and again and again. Tony looks at him already knowing what happened and Loki looks disappointed.

Explains the wind and everything getting brighter “well shi-”.

* * *

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Banner yells at Strange. 

“calm down” Natasha tells him afraid he might go green and banner spits at her

“I am perfectly fine” he turns back to Strange as he spits “as long as he tells me why he stopped the stupid spell”. 

Strange doesn’t look scared but moves back slightly “it’s already killing Stark” he turns to Nat “the other side wasn’t the same right?” and she nods hesitantly. 

“Stark is dying and when he goes so will Valhalla and Hel” no one says anything but Steve 

“Do you know what this is going to do to Thor?” Steve questions annoyed “I’m sorry” Strange says remorsefully and just then they heard footsteps 

“Sorry for what” Thor questions walking up to them and his heart drops into his stomach as he sees the scared looks on _everyones_ face. 

* * *

Seeing everyone in black suits and dresses made him sick, he wanted to leave, he wanted to scream; he wanted to do anything but be at his brother and his friends funeral. Their bodies were destroyed with Valhalla and Hel. 

Pepper sat with Morgan at the end of the dock as they sent a wreath with one of Tony’s arc reactors out on the lake, they did the same with Loki but instead of an arc reactor it was a piano key. Nobody but Thor knew about Loki’s love of singing and the piano, he remembers when they were kids. Loki would play for their mother when their father was away, to calm her nerves, whenever Thor was sad or anxious and he asked Loki to play, his brother never said no.

Who was going to be his best man, who was going to play at his wedding, who was going to protect him now?


	7. all through the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki and tony argue alot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title is all through the night by sleeping at last

“Don’t think this means I like you” Tony announces as he walks into the kitchen, sitting at the dark wooden island.

“believe it or not I can be nice when I want to” Loki says emotionless from his spot at the stove and Tony barks out a laugh, spinning around in his barstool

“you’re an asshole” he turns around to Loki walking over to the island.

Loki places a plate of french toast on the counter “eat” Loki demands before he turns around to continue on his own food. 

“mostly an asshole” Tony picks his plate up and puts it on the table before he walks over to Loki “s‘cuse me” he says softly and Loki slides over giving him room to grab two cups from the cupboard beside his head, he walks over to the coffee machine by the fridge and fills the two cups before putting them on the table and going back to the fridge to bring cream and sugar to the table. “How do you like your coffee?” 

“Black” he hears Loki grab a plate and Tony frowns 

“Sick, i’m making it like mine” 

_“No”_

* * *

Peter moved out of the tower, he couldn’t handle all the memories of Tony, plus his uncle Ben was back so he wanted to spend time with him. Thor stays, the avengers are the only things he has left. Pepper and Morgan never came around thus Happy wasn’t around either. Vision and Wanda contemplated getting their own place but Wanda wanted to stay to be close to Pietro so Vision agreed. The rest of The Avengers stayed at the tower too. Steve and Nat wanted to be there for Thor. 

“The one person i’ve known longest in this universe and he’s gone” Thor is leaning against the bar when Nat and Steve walk in, he takes a sip of beer and continues 

“he was getting better, he wanted to get better” he sniffles before he wipes his nose “I saw the old him, the one that I aspired to be despite me being the older brother, the one that would do anything for his loved ones, the Loki I knew a thousand years ago” he puts his beer down and buries his palms into his eyes “he should be here” he sighs and blinks harshly hoping that his eyes don’t look glossy “you guys would’ve liked him” he forces a smile and takes another sip of his beer.

* * *

Loki walked into the kitchen with a yawn, scratching his head and Tony didn’t realize he was staring st Loki’s V-line where his sweatshirt rides up his stomach “I wonder what the world would be like without us." Tony asks turning back around so he doesn’t have to look at Loki, acting like he wasn’t just kind of turned on by two inches of exposed skin.

"better, probably" Loki states and watches as Stark peeks in the oven just to close it again.

Loki turns around and pours himself a cup of coffee “what are you making” he hears the oven open again as he stirs cream and sugar into his cup. Tony insisted that coffee tasted better with it and Loki only gave in to shut him up, but he actually liked it. 

“brownies” Tony places a pan of brownies on the island, Loki turns around leaning against the island “I can smell the weed” he states after his nose twitches and Tony bends over, holding his stomach as he laughs. “Would this even work?” Tony sighs trying to catch his breath “since we’re technically dead” he turns around and grabs a knife from a drawer beside the sink 

“try it and find out” Loki watches as he comes back and starts cutting into the brownies “i’ll probably have to eat this whole thing for any effect though”.

* * *

“I had one and i’m fucked up” Tony lifts his head from the couch to watch Loki as he writes something down “you ate twenty fucking three of them how are you functioning?” his body feels light, slightly numb, like he’s buzzed but instead of being dizzy and wanting more drinks he’s craving so many different foods he doesn’t know what the hell he wants. 

“I feel it, just not as fucked up as you” Tony starts laughing so hard he starts wheezing

“It’s been three days and you’re already acting like me” he sighs 

“Shut the fuck up” Loki throws a pen at him and it misses Tony’s eye by an inch but he just keeps laughing.

“you’ve visited earth more than you let on” he says a couple of minutes later after he’s calmed down and his stomach stopped burning from laughing “you knew the smell of weed and you were a thing with Suna” Tony turns so that his legs are on the back of the couch and his head hangs off the cushions making Loki become upside down in his vision

“I’ve visited earth more than Thor has” Loki states like it’s nothing 

“that's why people knew about Asgardians right?” Tony watches as Loki nods 

“that’s why you’re adapting so easily”

“possibly” Loki turns to his right and grabs a pen from an end table beside him 

“do you know AC/DC?” Tony sees Loki start to nod and before he’s even finished he yells “FRIDAY play Back in Black” and he groans when it isnt as loud as he expects it “FRIDAY I tell you this every time, blast it” and she responds by listening, he catches Loki shake his head with a small smile.

  
  


**2 weeks after**

So they figured out that the days were on repeat, they would reset back to May 21st _everyday_ and they’re completely _alone_ , only animals which is weird but he doesn’t mind because he likes animals, he likes seeing deers by the lake, he likes hearing birds chirping in the morning, he likes seeing bunnies hop by as he takes a walk around the lake, what he didn’t like was Stark asking dumb questions.

“bet you fifty I could fit half of this can in my mouth” Tony shakes the can of whipped cream when Loki looks up from a crossword puzzle.

“how were we ever enemies?” Loki seriously wonders because they’re getting along quite well and he frowns as Tony's face drops, expressionless and unamused.

“deal or not?” Stark asks and raises a brow, Loki shakes his head going back to his crossword puzzle.

“We don't have money here Stark” he states and Tony shrugs.

“I’m taking that as a yes” Tony says tilting his head back and squirting the whipped cream onto his tongue and Tony never even got a quarter out of the whipped cream before he choked and ended up spitting it everywhere.

Loki smiles watching Tony kneel on the floor, holding a hand to his chest while he coughs non-stop. “i believe you owe me fifty dollars”

“Shut up” Stark snarls and gets off the ground “you figure out this shit hole yet?” Loki looks back at his newspaper 

“probably nature punishing me, explains why i'm stuck here with you and everything is on repeat”

Tony fakes a laugh and scowls at him “so funny” that would explain why the fuck they can’t find a way out. 

**A month after**

“Still nothing?” Tony asks even though he knows the answer, he does as usual, make coffee for the two of them as Loki makes french toast.

“if my magic was back, I would’ve told you instantly” Loki tells him not looking away from the stove and Tony wants to throw the pot of coffee on him because _god_ _if he would stop being so miserable he wouldn’t be annoyed_. 

“Just try a little harder” he tries to sound hopeful as he fills their cups with the coffee “you know what” Loki spits and Tony flinches when he hears metal clanking loudly, he stops pouring the coffee and sees that Loki threw the spatula. 

“i’m done trying for you” he glares at Tony and walks out but Tony follows quickly, brows furrowed.

“are you forgetting about your _brother?_ ” he asks and hears Loki scoff but the man doesn’t stop to talk so this time Tony scoffs as he crosses his arms, he doesn’t believe Loki would give up so easily, Loki is too stubborn, too ambitious to give up.

“you’re so _pathetic_ ” and as expected Loki is centimeters away from him in seconds. 

“if I knew I would be stuck here with _you”_ he scans tony from head to toe, eyes dark and Tony feels nervous “I would’ve gladly let you _stay_ _dead_ ” he walks away towards the stairs 

“is it working?” Loki looks at him for a second eyebrows scrunched together “Is pretending working?” Tony raises a brow and crosses his arms. 

Loki shakes his head with an amused sigh “I'm not pretending Stark, we’re stuck here” he blurts and continues up the stairs leaving Tony alone.

* * *

“Do you know ABBA?”

Loki nods

“what about Eminem?”

Loki nods 

Tony frowns “jesus, okay what about The Pussycat Dolls”

Loki puts his book down and looks at him with a frown “the what dolls?” 

Tony lets out an ‘aha’ before he commands FRIDAY to play ‘Stickwitu’ 

_“i don’t wanna go another day”_ Tony sings along and Loki mouth falls open as he raises his eyebrows _“so i’m tellin you exactly what is on my mind”_

“oh my god” Loki gets up and walks to the hall “goodbye” 

_“seems like everybodys breaking up and throwing their love away”_ Tony starts yelling now so that Loki can hear him from the hallway _“but I know I got a good thing right here th-“_

“oh my god _shut up!”_ Loki yells and Tony nearly falls off the couch from laughing so hard and the only reason he didn't is because of Loki’s stupid need to have the coffee table four inches from the couch.

**3 months after**

“I know living with me isn’t so easy for you but I’m trying” Loki says and sees Tony smirk

“ya know” Tony goes back to his book “you’re acting more like a human every day you spend with me” Tony relaxes and Loki watches him.

“maybe it’s what I need” Loki sees Stark’s breath hitch before he quickly composes himself, going back to his book to act calm.

“when we get back your brother won’t know who you are” Tony turns a page in his book and Loki scoffs out a laugh.

“he doesn’t even know who i am now”

“that’s not true” Tony frowns at him and Loki nods

“he’s only just figuring me out, after thousands of years” Loki licks his fingers and turns a page in his book 

“why do you hate him so much?” Tony puts his book down and his eyebrows knit together, neither of the brothers really talked about it, Tony is pretty sure Thor doesn’t even know why Loki hates him.

“it’s more envy than hate, i’ve only ever wanted to be treated equally” Loki keeps reading and Tony eyebrows shoot up at that because it’s obvious Loki doesn’t admit to emotions, especially something like jealousy.

“you’re both princes, people on Asgard should treat you the same” Tony starts chewing his nail, he already knew what Loki would say

“I was the outcast, the bad kid, the weak one, people looked down on me for using magic since it was aimed towards women, they thought that i was weak for using magic during battle they said that it was cheating” he turns a page again, he never reacted or snarled while he spoke

“that’s no reason to treat you differently” Tony frowns when he feels his nail crack and then a sting, it was slightly bleeding where he bit off too much but it wasnt bad. 

“my father favourited Thor, both Odin and Thor treated me like I was weak and unimportant so the rest of Asgard joined in” 

“what about your mom?” he sees Loki tense and Tony almost stops him before he could speak but Loki relaxes. 

“she taught me magic and how to fight, I was more accustomed to her style than others, apart of the reason why people thought I was weak” he sighs and turns a page again “she loved me, she tried to make up for the mistreatment from Odin and my brother and it worked until I found out I’m Jötun” 

“that’s why Odin favoured Thor?” Tony stops biting his nails and Loki simply nods 

“I hate your dad” Tony gets up and heads to the kitchen to make himself a drink.

“you and me both” 

* * *

“what are you doing?” Loki walked into the basement to find Tony surrounded by scrap parts, welding tools and a pile full of discarded metal.

“you gave me an idea” Tony spins around in his chair and drops the wrench on the floor without a thought “I’m experimenting so I can make the suits turn invisible” Tony looks wired out, his eyes wide and bloodshot, his hands are shaky and his hair is messed up 

“how long have you been up?” Loki spots a couple coffee mugs throughout his working space and he cant even imagine how many times Tony has refilled them

“not half as long as you” Tony smirks and grabs a cup from beside him to chug back the rest of the coffee. 

“I am a god, i could go _a year_ without sleep and that’s equivalent to you being up for over a day so you can not compare the two” Loki crosses his arms and leans against the doorway

“i’ll go to sleep after” he turns back and picks up the wrench he dropped but Loki picks it up before he does and hold it behind his back 

“if you don’t i will knock you out and throw you in that bed myself”

“sounds kinky” Tony smirks when he sees Loki falter

Loki frowns before dropping the wrench back onto the ground “speak to me like that again and i’ll break your jaw” he turns to walk out 

“awe don’t be like that sourpatch” Tony sees Loki flip him off in the corner of his eye as he picks the wrench off of the ground before he’s his with a weight in his chest. 

_Rhodey_ , _how is he? does he know i’m dead? is he mad at me for it? i hope him and Happy are there for each other._

* * *

After supper Loki took a nap and woke up 4 hours later, the moon was shining through the window illuminating the bed, wooden floors and nightstand beside him, he scanned the tan walls before sitting up. It was quiet, he only heard the sound of a slight wind coming through his window and an owl somewhere outside. His head was foggy, his muscles were kind of numb as he sat on his bed, he blinked a couple times feeling the weight come off his eyelids with each blink and when he sighed his throat itched from how dry his mouth is, he swallowed harshly before pushing himself up and going downstairs.

It was quiet down there too, the clock beside the fridge read two am. He quickly grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and chugged it all within seconds, he threw the empty bottle away with a sigh before heading back upstairs. On the way down the hall the door to the basement caught his eye, he didn’t notice if Tony’s bedroom door was closed so he decided he might as well check.

He groans when he opens the door, hearing machines working and Tony saying something to FRIDAY. “Stark” he hears the man drop something as he walks down the steps, he finds Tony bent over his suit, doing something to the repulsors but Loki couldn’t care. He walks over and rips the tool out of Tony’s hand and literally throws it across the room before he could even see what it was “if you don’t listen _i will_ knock you out, don’t test me Stark” 

“Loki” the man whines like a child, making the god look unamused 

_“Anthony”_ Loki almost growls and Tony gulps, feeling heat head south.

“Fine” he whines and heads to the stairs so he doesn’t have to look at Loki as he imagines how it would feel to be pressed into his bed. “If i have a drink first will you knock me out?” he asks facing Loki as he gets to the top of the steps.

Loki doesn’t reply, instead Tony yelps as he’s suddenly thrown over Loki’s shoulder, his head inches away from Loki’s ass.

“Put me down dipshit” Tony growls trying to pull out of Loki’s grip as he walks up the stairs, Loki ignores him, turning left towards Tony’s room “Loki seriously” Tony tries again to pull out of his hold, pushing against lokis back _“put me down_ ”

“Okay” Loki says happily and throws Tony onto his bed and before Tony can get up he hears the door slam and something moving, _furniture moving_. 

He growls getting up and trying to open the door but doesn’t move an inch, something’s in front of it. “Are you fucking kidding me Loki?” he yells and pushes against the door but it’s no use 

_“Go the fuck to sleep”_ Loki’s yell is muffled as he walks away from the door.

“but I’m going to starve to death”

 _“we ate five hours ago”_

“Loki” Tony whines and tries to push on the door again 

_“shut up”_ Loki yells back, emphasizing it with a door slamming.

  
  


**5 months after**

“There’s nothing in this fucking book” Loki chucks the book across the room, he was looking for a spell to get them the hell out of there but he looked through about 3 books _everyday_ and still fucking nothing. “i’m stuck here, in hell all alone with one of the people i can’t stand the most”

Tony drops his own book on his chest and sits up slightly “i’m not so fucking happy to be here either but look at me” Tony motions towards himself “calm” Loki’s jaw clenches and his eyes narrow 

“I’m leaving” Loki spits and gets up, walking to the door 

“Of course you are, that’s all you ever do” Loki swings the door open harshly and it hits the wall, the doorknob easily breaks through the drywall.

“fuck you” he snarls and walks out as he hears Tony yell “fuck you too fuckin Diva” and when he says ‘Diva’ it isnt in the teasing tone he usually used, it was filled with pure hate.

Loki walked around the lake, he inspected a couple neighboring houses and got so far that he made it to the highway before he decided to turn around.

When he got back it was dark out, the cabin was bright with all the lights on and music blaring, Loki’s stomach dropped. He made his way up the steps and had to take a breath before he walked in. He immediately shut off the stereo by the wall on his left “you told me you’d stop drinking.”

Tony looks back at him from his spot on the couch “and you told me _you wouldn’t leave me alone_ ″ he snarls back 

“you expect me to follow you around all day like some lost child” Loki scoffs “I don’t need you” he walks through the kitchen and to the hall “but you need me so i suggest you shut up before I leave for good” he goes to walk up the stairs 

“you’re lying to me again” Tony slurs slightly and Loki stops, he keeps his back to Tony. “don’t get on my bad side” he walks up the stairs and pretends he doesn’t hear Tony say “then show me your good side”

* * *

Tony was woken up by screaming, his mind was blank as he rushed to Loki’s room, Loki was crying, yelling, begging for whatever was happening to him in his head to stop. 

All of Tony’s nerves were in overdrive as he rushed over and shook Loki awake, his nerves calming when Loki’s eyes snap open but they jumped into overdrive again when Loki flipped him over.

Tony pressed himself into the bed as Loki was suddenly hovering over him, a dagger pressed to Tony’s throat.

“oh” Loki breathes out seeing it’s him, “sorry” he says as he pants and flops back down onto the bed beside Tony. Tony stares up at the cieling because _Loki almost just fucking killed him_ , a little more pressure and a flick of his wrist and Tony could’ve bled out right there. 

“you were having a nightmare” Tony has no idea what else to say, what do you say in that situation.

“yeah I was there” Loki chuckles resting his forearm over his eyes, his other arm hanging over the side of the bed and Tony hears metal clanging against the floor

“where did that dagger come from?”

“the nightstand”

“Why do you sleep with a dagger on the nightstand” 

“It’s been a habit since Thanos, usually have it under my pillow” Loki says it like it’s nothing as he gets out of bed and Tony realizes he’s shirtless. He has to train his eyes on the ceiling to stop himself from watching Loki as he walks out of the room.

  
  


**7 months after**

Tony did not expect to wake up to the sound of a piano, it made his heart hurt with how sad it sounded but it also made him shiver with the strength behind it. He rubbed his eyes trying to focus on the piano, he looks around the room for a second before getting up 

“ _Im hearing what you say”_ Tony froze in his spot _“but i just can’t make a sound_ ”

He never thought that he would hear the god of mischief, lord of lies, prince of perception, king of manipulation, _sing_.

 _“You tell me that you need me”_ the tempo of the piano picked up with his voice and Tony felt goosebumps _“then you go and cut me down”_ Tony felt tears prick at his eyes. 

_“I take another chance take a fall take a shot for you”_ Loki continues his voice softer and his tempo slows a bit

 _“And i need you like a heart needs a beat, but it’s nothing new”_ and his tears fell, he couldn’t help it, every single note and lyric made his heart jolt and his hands tremble

 _“I loved you when the fire’s red”_ He didn’t get it, how the fuck did Loki of all people make him cry specifically with _music_. 

_“Now it’s turning blue”_ Tony took in a shaky breath ashe remembered Loki laying on that gurney, _“you say”_ his voice gets louder as more tears fall from Tony’s eyes _“sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you”_ and he’s done, the piano stops and silence makes Tony want to scream. 

He sits back down pressing his palms to his eyes so hard he sees little dots behind his eyelids “what the fuck” he mutters while he wipes his eyes and sighs loudly. 

He sits there for a couple minutes trying to seem normal.

_So he knows OneRepublic_

**8 months after**

"maybe Thor is better off without you" Tony utters as he turns to walk out of the kitchen

 _“take it back”_ Loki shouts and every single cup, plate, bowl and anything else, flew off the counters. Tony covers his head and ducks slightly, ignoring a cup break by his feet Loki breathes out “that wasn’t supposed to happen”. 

Tony almost busts out crying “your magic is back” he looks around at all the broken pieces of glass, food,drinks, books and utensils all over the floor “we can go home”

* * *

Peter started coming around the tower now, probably was able to grieve properly plus Banner was asking for his help.

“What is it?” He asks looking at a blob of black stuff that _moves_. Banner had it under a glass beaker. 

“a symbiote” he looks at the thing as it crawls up and down the glass “it needs a host to survive and when it has one it’ll do anything to protect them, makes them stronger, faster and better healing” he looks back at Peter “it manipulates your memories and then manipulates your emotions”.

He moves the glass and picks it up, squishing it between microscope slides “it can’t bond to me because i guess i already have a” Banner frowns as he puts the slide under a microscope “passenger?” he says unsure “i don’t know but he won’t bind with me because of the hulk” Bruce shrugs and looks into the microscope “I might need your help once in a while”

Peter straightens up and clears his throat “ it would be an honor Mr.Banner”

Banner eyes him for a second before he takes the symbiote off the slide and the thing starts crawling to Peter so fast that it was near the edge when Peter trapped it with a beaker “don’t ever let that touch you, don’t even be in this room alone with it” 

* * *

“holy shit” Tony whispers as he looks around at what used to be the living room but was now the fucking galaxy, thousands of stars lit up the darkness in the room, Tony could see the moon in the distance but it was mostly just stars and he completely forgets what he was just going to yell at Loki for. 

He plops down on the couch beside Loki and doesn’t take his eyes off of the view surrounding them “since when could you do this?” He looks at Loki and he’s watching the view with a smile and for the first time Tony sees his smile reach his eyes as they sparkle in the reflection of the galaxy in front of them and that makes Tony feel like crying, Loki is _happy._

“always could, first spell I learned” he looks around at the stars and back to Tony “I thought you’d like it, it always calms me down” Tony can’t help but love the fact that this is for him and him alone, that Loki thought of him, enough to think he’d like this.

“what was I going to yell at you for?”

“something about drinking all the whiskey i think”

“oh right” Tony looks back to the stars and purple highlights against darkness in front of him “you’re getting more” he states, not really caring about the alcohol anymore

  
  


**A year later**

  
  


“Why is your nose bleeding?” Tony scans his face in concern taking in his panting and how pale he’s turning. Loki gulps wiping his nose “hey” Tony shakes him lightly “you can do this”.

Loki chuckles “it can’t be both of us Stark”. 

He pushes Stark back under the light of the moon, shining in through a skylight in the living room. Loki raises his hand towards Tony as he tries to move from under the moonlight “ _phasmatos somnus_ ” he drops his hand at the same time Tony’s eyes close and his body drops. 

Loki focuses on breathing for a couple of minutes “Okay I can do this” he whispers to himself and ignores the sound of Tony’s head hitting the floor echoing in his head. 

He closes his eyes and uses every ounce of strength in him “ _sangina mearma”_ he looks at tony making sure that he’s in the light of the moon “ _ascendarum cavea”_ he closes his eyes hard, a bright flash of light caused his head to throb but then it’s gone and so is Tony. 

Running his hands down his face Loki sighs not believing that he is completely alone and weak, he looks around like he expects Stark to pop out somewhere and bust out laughing but he doesn’t and he never will. “Just a waste of air” he whispers and heads upstairs to sleep, secretly hoping that Tony will be there tomorrow.

* * *

When Tony opens his eyes he’s standing in the lounge at the Avengers Tower. 

“What the fuck” Bucky says slowly and he sees Rogers, Nat and Banner all sitting in the lounge. Natasha immediately runs over to him meanwhile Rogers and Banner speedwalk

Tony takes a couple of seconds to hug her back. “How the hell are you here?” she pulls back looking him up and down with a gigantic smile.

_He’s all alone_

Steve pulls him into the tightest hug he’s ever had and buries his face in Tony’s shoulder “missed you buddy” Tony nods. 

“Where's morgan and pepper?” he looks around, his stomach feels heavy, something isn’t right “where’s the kid?”


	8. I’d take another chance, take a shot for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morgan asks about Loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> theres descriptions and talks of self harm, talks about suicide. if you dont wanna read about it stop reading at the // until the linebreaks

“What the fuck do you mean _she found someone else?”_ Tony’s eyes were wide as his focus darted from Steve to Nat and back to Steve. 

“She couldn’t mourn you forever” Nat tries to sound sad but even she hates Pepper for moving on so fast.

 _“It’s been a fucking year”_ he roars and runs a hand through his hair “wheres the kid?” he starts to pace but stops when he hears Banner explain “that symbiote you asked me to study, it binded with him”

Tony stops and looks at all of them with wide eyes, his jaw dropped. _“I told you to fucking take care of him”_ he walks up to Steve and pushes him slightly 

“ _And I did,_ that thing camouflaged itself to get to Peter, FRIDAY couldn’t even detect it” Steve gulps as Tony turns around with a growl 

“I atleast still have my daughter right?” he looks at them and sighs when they nod.

Of course Steve says “we should call a meeting”

* * *

Thor stops dead in his tracks when he enters the meeting room “how are you here, where’s Loki?” Thor asks as soon as he lays eyes on Tony sitting beside Bruce and Steve.

“purgatory” Tony states and Thor frowns, his stomach falling into his ass when Tony says “he wasn’t strong enough to bring us both back”

“purgatory is real?” Bruce asks ignoring the guilt radiating off of Tony, his head bowed slightly and not looking at anybody.

“nature or spirits or whatever, is mad at him for not doing the spell properly” Tony sighs and stars fidgeting with EDITH “he didn’t have his magic until a couple months ago”

“what’s purgatory like?” Pietro asks and Tony sees Wanda send him a look, telling him that it’s not the right time.

“the same, it resets everyday, no other people just me, loki and thumper”

“so how do we get him back?” Bruce frowns

Thor shakes his head “if nature is mad at him then he won’t be allowed to leave until nature forgives him” he breathes out, no emotion to his voice or face at all

“how the hell do you get nature to forgive you?” Quill asks 

“only Loki knows” Thor states and Tony closes his eyes harshly, taking a deep breath.

“if _nature_ is mad at him isn’t it a bad idea to bring him back?” Steve asks and Nat punches him in the arm ignoring him look at her offended

“now isn’t the time to be a dick cap” she spits

“I’m not trying to I’m just saying if nature doesn’t want him to come back yet then we shouldn’t mess around with it, nature would be mad at us too”

“this isn’t like a veil you could drop” Strange butts in “it’s purgatory, made for purifying and punishing people, if we go there we don’t know if we can come back” 

“scared?” Tony raises a brow and Strange rolls his eyes “or do you just not want to help him?”

“tony this is purgatory, the laws of nature, all the spirits of sorcerers who died. we can’t mess with it unless we want it to blow up in our face”

Tony sighs harshly “whatever I’m going to see my kid” he spits and walks out.

** 1 month after Tony’s return **

After a shit ton of meetings with lawyers Tony and Pepper agreed that she’ll stay running the company, she doesn’t want any of his money or belongings, she just wanted Tony’s support. 

Tony made her keep all the things he bought for her and they agreed that they’ll have split custody of Morgan so she was with Pepper for a month before he got to have his time with her, they also decided to use Loki’s soul stone story instead of telling the world about purgatory, everyone was already freaking out over Tony, Vision and Pietro coming back to life so they didn’t want to make it worse. Peter is MIA and everyone else is walking on eggshells around him like he’ll flip the fuck out any second, which he won’t.

But that’s how he got into Loki’s room, boredom. He scanned the bookshelf filled with books, his green and black bedding, a desk filled with open books and a closet with nothing but grey black and green clothing.

Then his eyes fell on Thor, sitting on Loki’s bed holding a green and gold blanket “you never said Loki played piano”

Thor turns to him, still holding the blanket “he played?” Tony doesn’t comment on his watery eyes.

“Yeah made me fucking cry” Tony lets out a laugh thats more of a sigh and a tear falls down Thors face.

“He’s never played in centuries” Thor looks back down at the blanket in his hands “he only played to calm me and my mother down, the only other time is when he feels like he’s trapped, music helps him”

“oh”

“was he okay?” Thor changes the subject

“well he’s much more than insults and snarky remarks like I thought” Tony says with a sigh as he leans against the doorway “got along much better than I thought we would”

“that’s good” Thor says with a small smile and it disappears as fast as it appears “he has a habit of breaking expectations”

Tony lets out a breathy chuckle “I’ve noticed” Tony scans Thor as he puts the blanket in his hand back on the bed.

* * *

“No Peter?” Vision asks as Tony walks over to the bar, pouring himself a drink despite the fact that it’s ten am and he in only slept four hours.

“nope” Tony deadpans as he takes a huge shot. Everyday FRIDAY scanned in and out of the city for Peter, scanned tweets, news reports and police reports but nothing, May, MJ, Ben and Ned texted everyday informing him that Peter never contacted them _at all_.

“I can’t stop wondering why Loki sent you back instead of himself” Nat speaks up and Tony sees Steve nod in agreement.

“maybe he was tired of you all” Tony deadpans, filling his cup to the brim “I know I am” he adds with a smile as he sits on the couch beside Bruce and Nat.

“you missed us don’t lie” Sam says with a tune and Tony rolls his eyes.

“If you stayed then you wouldn’t be able to get out without magic” Thor states and Tony feels all his cells go numb because Loki saved him _again_.

“so we can’t get him from this side?” Bruce asks “only from his side?” 

“I don’t know, if we could get to purgatory from here then we risk getting stuck there” Thor states and fuck that, Tony invented _time travel_ , he’ll figure this purgatory shit out, he always figures everything out.

**2 ½ months after tony came back**

“daddy?” Morgan asks looking up from the cartoon on the TV to Tony sitting beside her “where’s the magic man?”

Tony feels his heartbeat pick up as he takes a sharp inhale “he’s away right now honey and his name’s Loki”

“when he coming back?” Morgan asks and stares him down, waiting for an answer and Tony does the best to hide his sorrow.

“I don’t know sweetie, we are working on bringing him home” Tony’s feels a little lump in his throat but it fades when Morgan nods, looking back to the cartoon with a happy “okay”

He decides fuck it. Morgan can go home to Pepper a week early, none of them would mind except Tony, he wants to spend more time with her but he can’t, not if they’re going to do what he’s thinking, Morgan can’t be around for this. Hopefully Strange will agree.

* * *

“You’re not actually considering this?” Strange mutters in shock 

“how else can we get him?” Tony’s dead serious while he fidgets with a glass “no one else has any clue what to do” his jaw clenches as he slams the cup on the counter, making Strange and Steve flinch 

“in fact _i'm the only one trying to save him despite the fact that he’s the reason that hell wasn’t unleashed on earth_ ” Tony roars and the silence is deafening, the sounds of one of his machines working is the only thing heard as both men raise their brows and Steve's expression molds into guilt.

“Why are you trying so hard?” Steve asks leaving against a desk filled with parts and Tony’s jaw tightens 

“when have you known me to give up” he rests his chin in his hands. 

“Loki has magic so if he wanted to come back he would have” Strange tried to reason with him. 

They all thought he was crazy, they tried anything to stop him, except Banner and Thor, they gladly assisted in _anything_ he needed, even at the ass crack of dawn Thor would get up just to answer his questions about Asgardian magic, Nat would help sometimes, she would translate spells for him since she knows Latin and he has no idea why she helps, Loki and Nat hate each other.

“His magic almost killed him trying to bring us back” he explains because that’s the only reason why he wouldn’t come back right? Unless something else happened to him after Tony left, fuck Tony hated thinking like that.

“Tony this is crazy, you can’t go back there, we’re not sure you can make it back” steve reveals taking a couple steps forward his fists clenched at his sides “we don’t know if he’s able to leave anyways”

“he is the _only reason_ i made it back here” Tony lets out a shaky breath _“none of you were trying to get us back”_ he ignores the satisfaction when even Strange looks guilty “he’s the reason I made it back to Morgan and I left him alone in return and I hate myself for it” he swallows, trying to make the lump in his throat go away 

“the least I can do is try” Tony shoots up from his seat and marches out leaving Steve and Strange watching him with wide eyes. 

Strange moves quickly and follows after him “I know a spell to send our spirits over there” Tony spins around he eyebrows knit together “we have to see what we’re dealing with before we send the real us over there” 

Tony narrows his eyes “Loki is alone” he promises. 

“this is the only way i’ll do it” Strange narrows his eyes too and Tony knows he lost 

“fine”. 

Strange nods heading to the stairs “i’ll get Thor” 

* * *

When Strange did the spell and Thor opened his eyes he didn’t expect to see Loki sitting at the island, staring at a projection of a recording Tony made when he was still in purgatory with him. Loki watches it drinking a bottle of whiskey, Thor and Tony froze seeing how red Loki’s eyes are.

_“Month Seven of purgatory, shit’s still the same”_ Tony shrugs as he turns the camera from him to Loki sitting in the exact same spot he is now _“here’s our re-occurring guest Loki Odinson-“_ Tony says with fake enthusiasm as he takes a seat beside Loki and propping the camera up so they’re both in the frame “- _also known as Bambi, Dickhead, Diva, Rudolph and my personal favourite-“_

 _“please shut the fuck_ up _stark”_

_“make me”_

_“I would gladly drown you in the lake but then your friends would kill me if I showed up without you”_

“best excuse” The current Loki grumbles as he closes the projection he shakes his head with a dissapointed smile before he takes a shot of whiskey and Tony feels numb

“Stark what’s wrong?” Thor frowns seeing Tony freeze and Tony feels like his stomach is going to fall out of his ass.

“thats the most expensive bottle in the house, we made a pact that if we couldn’t find a way out, if we couldn’t take another day that we would drink that bottle-“ Tony stops and watches as Loki takes another shot.

//

 _“stark”_ Thor demands an answer once he stops

“we’d finish the bottle and then kill ourselves”

“I know this will hurt you and i’m sorry” Loki suddenly mutters looking at the spot beside him “but i’ve spent my whole life desperately trying not to hurt you” Loki sighs as his tears fall faster and Tony sees him fiddling with something small and black “so for once im going to do something for me _because_ ” his voice breaks and he takes a shaky breath as he bring out the black object.

“no no no no no” Thor says walking over as Loki finally reveals the objects as a knife and he places it on the counter. No it wouldn’t work right? Loki said that whatever that place was, is nature punishing him so surely death wouldn’t work right?

“i’m so tired, i can’t sleep or eat” he looks beside him and then back down at the knife in front of him “Stark was the only thing keeping me sane even though he was a pain in the ass” Loki lets out a breath that could be a laugh.

“i miss you brother, i miss that stupid Avengers Tower, i miss people staring at me in disgust, i miss _seeing people,_ i even miss _stark and banner”_ Loki twirls the knife “i wish you were real brother” he lets out a shaky breath and looks at the spot beside him again, Thor tries to knock the knife out of Loki’s hand but it goes right through, like a ghost.

“We gotta go ba-“

* * *

There's that same bright light as before and they open their eyes, back at the Avengers Tower with Strange “we gotta go back, he’s losing it” Thor ignores the bloody nose Strange has and the rest of the avengers. His heart beat feels like a machine gun in his chest and it drowns everything else out.

“i don’t know if I have enough strength” Thor marches over to him and Strange expects a hit seeing his glare but he holds out his palms 

“channel my strength” Thor demands and Strange knows just by the look in Thor’s eyes that he won’t take no for an answer.

Strange looks between him and his hands and hesitates “do you have a knife?” Bucky immediately brings a knife out and gives it to him.

Strange holds out his palm and drags the knife across it, Tony sees him hiss before he stops and grabs Thors from his side and does the same but Thor doesn’t react,Strange grabs Thor’s other hand while he closes his eyes and focuses “ _sanguinem illum acento_ ”

Tony watched as a bright light engulfed them both and he starts biting his nails “what was happening?” Tony bites harder when Scott asked the question he feared 

“he was gonna-”

He’s interrupted by the same flash of light and no one says anything as Loki, Thor and Strange pop up where they were standing before. 

It’s quiet as everybody stares at the three “I’m so fucking _sick-”_ Loki suddenly stabs Thor and uses the end of the knife to knock him out after, doing the same to Strange _“-of hallucinating”_

On instinct Tony taps his arc reactor, making his suit appear out of thin air. 

Loki threw the knife into Steve’s leg, Scott went small to dodge a knife thrown at him and Loki threw another two, one landing in Bucky’s stomach and the other stabbing through Sam's hand trapping him to the wall. 

“Loki _fucking stop_ ” Natasha screams and Loki suddenly spins around and uses his momentum to knock her out, not watching as she hits the back of th couch. 

Before Tony can help Cap or Bucky, Loki is already heading for him. Tony raises his hands and hears a hum as he’s ready to shoot, “we’re not hallucinations” Loki stops “and i don’t wanna hurt you”

Loki steps forward and dodges all of Tony’s shots until he grabs both his wrists and crushes the armor “Loki” and the man frowns at Tony using his name for once. 

“that there proves you’re a hallucination” Loki looks tired, he looks fucking exhausted like he’s ready to fall asleep right there. But instead Loki wraps his hands around Tony's throat and lifts him off the ground _“i just want it stop”_ Loki whispers as Tony struggles for air 

“reind-” he chokes trying to beg Loki to stop, but he had no way of proving he was real if Loki didn't realize it already.

_If this doesn’t work im fucked_

“your mother taught you magic” Loki’s eyes widen “she taught you how to fight” he wheezes and Loki loosens his grip slightly “you loved her more than anyone and she would defend you from Odin” he tries to remember anything he knew about him but it was hard when your head is full of a white noise.

He sees Cap pull the knife out of his leg in the corner of his eye but Loki is focused on him “you can play piano and your singing is _fucking_ _great_ ” and Loki puts him down, eyes wide but still hold him by his throat “you hate waking up early and pancakes and you like two creams and sugars in your coffee” Loki’s grip loosens more and he breathes better.

“you like long sleeves because t-shirts feel too bare and you have a habit of picking at your left palm” Loki lets go and Tony immediately starts panting to catch his breath “believe me now Bambi?”.

Tony sees fear cross Loki’s face _“you’re not real”_ Loki’s voice cracks and Tony can only nod, he’s never heard Loki sound so broken. Tony watches Loki turn around and immediately run over to Natasha _“no no no no”_ he chants like it would take back what he did as he kneels beside her and green light wraps around her head. 

Loki sighs once it stops “okay” he breathes and scans her before he moves and does the same to Strange and Thor but when he moves to heal Sam the man backs into the wall. 

“i’m sorry, i didn’t know i was out” Tony hears his voice shake as he explains to Sam and reluctantly the man relaxes before Loki rips the knife out of his hand “sorry” he says when Sam hisses and then Loki heals him. 

“i don’t want your damn help” Steve spits when he sees Loki look at him and Bucky 

“don’t be fucking dramatic just let him help” Tony tells him and Steve scoffs 

“you hated him, you would’ve gladly thrown him out that window” Steve points behind them and continues “but now you’re _defending_ _him_ , now you know more than any of us do, hell you probably know as much as _Thor_ ” Tony raises a brow his fists clenched. 

Loki and Sam simply sit together and watch. 

“did you expect me to spend a year alone with him in silence?” Steve’s face drops “that would’ve been just as bad being there alone so yes Steve, we get along, we talked and got to know each other” 

Tony’s voice got louder and it made Natasha wake up. 

“ _and I know he got shit that he_ **_never_ ** _deserved so yes I will defend him and yes I might even consider him a friend_ ” Stark was yelling by the time he was done but continued calmly “and if you have a problem with that then you’re the biggest hypocrite i know” Steve sees him glance at Bucky before he walks out.

Loki didn't like Bucky, Sam, Nat and Steve looking at him so he followed after Tony but the man was gone so he teleported into his office, or lab.

* * *

Tony walked in grumbling and Loki could see that his wrist armor was damaged, he was struggling to get it off so the nano tech could repair itself. “Let me do it” and Tony jumps with a yelp, he relaxes when he sees Loki and walks over to him. 

“don’t do that” he tells Loki before giving the man his wrist and Loki easily pries off the damaged armor before he drops it to the ground beside them and Tony doesn’t miss blood trailing down Loki’s hand from under his sleeve

“why’d you defend me?” Loki looks up at Stark but the man watches his armor repair itself 

“Was I not supposed to?” Stark raises his brow while he taps his arc reactor and his armor disappears.

Loki starts to glare at him “don’t start to make a habit of it” and he walks around stark and heads for the door. 

“Why can’t you let somebody care about you?” Tony grabs his arm and spins him around, Tony knows that Loki could easily break his arm for that but he doesn't.

“Is caring about me worth losing everything?” and Tony doesn’t say anything as Loki gently pulls his hand off “you may be able to call me a friend but to them i’m nothing but a ticking time bomb” he starts to step away “you show that you care for me and they’ll think you’re crazy which will lead to locking you up and i don’t want to be the cause of that, i caused your death already”

“You saved my life you dumbass” Tony is shaking with anger, why? He doesn’t really know. 

“I made you the anchor, which caused you all that pain and your death”

“Suna wouldn’t bring me back out of the goodness of his heart, he needed a purpose for me and you knew that” Tony spits

“Which led to our death” Loki adds calmly making Tony’s fingers dig into his palms so hard he swears there’ll be blood

“If I wasn’t touching you when what happened, happened. I would simply be gone, I wouldn’t have gone to fucking purgatory with you and be here now” 

“See you keep _fucking defending me_ ” Loki yells and Tony’s eyes snap shut for a second when he yells.

“And _you keep finding excuses to be hated_ ” Tony yells back and he expects Loki to leave to even push him or something but he stays put and scans Tony instead. Tony sighs and rubs his face quickly “can I see it?” he nods to Loki’s hand and the god instinctively puts it in his pocket.

“why?”

“because I care” Tony states and Loki doesn’t say anything, doesn’t move “jesus, Strange did the spell but not because he wanted to, he did it because he wanted me to give up, to finally shut up about getting you out of there” Loki still doesn’t say anything “christ Loki we made a _suicide pact_ a fucking cut isn’t going to scare me away”

“trust is a two way street” Loki blurts

//

Tony froze, he knew that Loki seen his scars, obviously he did after a year of them alone but he never thought he’d ask to see them. He takes a shallow breath before rolling his sleeve up past his elbow, pointing at the patch of white just under the crook of his elbow.

He cut in that one spot so much that it was just scar tissue, from far away it looked like a burn of some sort but from far away you could see the faint straight lines criss crossing in the white patch.

“I stopped because it got in the way of this” Tony states as he waves to a table full of shit behind Loki who doesn’t look anywhere else other than Tony’s arm. “got oil in it before had a bad ass infection to the point that my arm started going numb so I stopped” he rolls it back down and sees Loki blink quickly “not to mention that it would open up while I was working and Butterfingers here straight up slapped it one time” he points at the robot beside him who deflates with a hum.

Loki lets out a long sigh before lifting his sleeve and Tony takes in a sharp breath seeing how deep the cut is, before he can say anything though, the gash disappears in a green glow.

“I was going to say you need to bandage that” Tony breathes 

“does Pepper know you did this?”

“doesn’t matter” Tony huffs turning around and opening an AI screen to finish some designs “because she doesn’t love me”

“she’s with someone else?” Loki asks despite knowing the answer and he feels his veins burn when Tony nods “I can kill him for you” Loki states happily 

Tony lets out a short laugh “it’s okay Diva” he sighs heavily as he adjusts the arm of his suit “everything happens for a reason” 

* * *

Loki scans his room, the light grey walls and darker grey floors, the black dresser and desk, the black and green bedding and the bookshelf next to the door to the bathroom, his room was cleaned, the bed is made up and books he knows he left on the desk is gone, pens and paper all in a neat stack. Thor probably, he always needed something to do with his hands.

He hears his door slide open behind him and spins to find Thor “brother good to see-“ Loki starts to say but his breath gets taken away when Thor ignores him and wraps his arms around him instead.

Loki freezes as Thor’s arms wrap around his neck and he hears Thor sigh loudly, ignoring the panic, the voice in his brain screaming _too close too close too close_ , the part of him that wants to yell at Thor for touching anywhere near his neck and he hesitantly hugs back, placing his hands on Thor’s back.

“you don’t smell like booze”

“Bruce has been a lot of help while you were gone” Thor smiles and pulls back, keeping Loki at arms length “how many times are you going to die on me”

“however many times it takes until you all stop putting your lives at risk”

 _“you all?”_ Thor smirks and Loki rolls his eyes, pulling away from Thor “you can tell me that you care about them” Thor states watching Loki head to his bookshelf, looking through the hundreds of books for something that seems interesting. Loki doesn’t say anything 

“it’s not bad to care about people Loki” Thor utters and leaves Loki alone in his room. 

* * *

For some reason, Thor thought it would be a good idea to bring Brunnhilde in to help search and grab Peter, yeah she’s strong and everything but she was the one person that could annoy Loki. 

“Lackey” she smiles at him as she takes a seat on the couch beside Thor

“Brownhill” she glares and he smirks back but Thor interrupts them

“You guys stop with the sexual tension” Thor jokes and Loki sees Brunnhilde’s jaw drop so he decides to play on it. 

“Tell that to her, she’s the one trying to hide the flirting with insults” Thor barks out a laugh as Brunnhilde throws a cup at him and Loki ignores the fact that Tony tenses at his statement. Loki quickly dodges the cup and it smashes against the wall behind him

“hard to get” he looks at the glass behind him then back at Brunnhilde “my favourite game” he smirks.

She goes to throw another cup at him but Thor grabs her wrist and Tony interjects “I may be rich but I have a limit for what I buy for this shithole” he watches as Thor takes the cup out of he hand and sets it on the end of the coffee table in front of Rocket. 

“I'll sell Loki’s armor to make up for it” Loki sees her about to look at him but he isn’t wearing armor and she must’ve realized . 

“wow you got my name right” Loki raises his eyebrows at her with a grin but stops when he sees Thor glaring, 

Loki frowns back and Thor's eyes dart towards his left, Loki follows it and sees that Stark is tense.

“anyways, why the hell are we all here?” Pietro asks before Loki could 

“FRIDAY can’t find the kid, he’s been MIA for weeks” he takes a sip from his glass and goes to the bar to fill it up.

“so what, do the same thing we did with Suna?” Scott questions looking between Thor and Tony. They nod in response before Thor adds

“Suna found one of us last time, Peter will do the same, he knows that we’re ready so he can’t take us all at once” Thor tells Scott and he nods.

“are we making teams or what?” Scott looks at Thor and Thor looks at Tony as he sips his drink.

“go with whoever you want” he waves them off and downs the rest of his drink as people start to walk out or suit up.

“how are we going to do this if you’re getting drunk?” Loki turns his head to look at him and Stark simply pours himself another drink 

“we now?” he looks at Loki over his cup.

“do you think anyone else would want to be around me other than Thor?” Loki presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows

“what makes you think _I_ would want to be around you?” Tony takes another sip of his drink and frowns a bit when Loki’s lip twitches up.

“come on Stark we’re basically best friends” 

“You can’t deny that one” Bucky speaks as he walks out of his room looking straight at Tony as he tucks a knife into his holster 

“Coming from the one that was mind controlled to kill his best friend” Tony says into his cup and smirks when Bucky’s eyebrows knit together.

“I tried to kill you” Loki gets up and yellow engulfed him only to reveal his green and gold armor. Tony ignores the urge to rip off said armor.

“You weren’t my friend then and _where’s the horns_?” Tony lowers his head but keeps his gaze on Loki 

“I’m talking about two days ago, dipshit” Loki ignores the horns question and pinches the bridge of his nose.

“ _Loki Laufeyson is defending me?_ ” Bucky looks shocked but there’s sarcasm in his voice 

“ _Odinson”_ Loki spits before walking towards the elevator “hurry up Stark” and the man rolls his eyes before he downs the rest of his drink and follows.


	9. There’s more than I imagined deep inside my heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony and Loki bein bffs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> from that song “feels like home” from brother bear lmao why am i gon cry rn

**2 weeks later**

Searching for Peter didn’t work, Ben and May didn’t know where he was, Peter wasn’t with Ned or MJ and they had no fucking clue where he’d go. They searched the city for  _ hours _ , they searched outside the city and  _ every single  _ abandoned building, but nothing, not a sign of the kid.

“Loki” Tony snarls when the man barges in his room “towel, knock”

Loki scans his damp body as Tony pulls the towel tighter around his waist for a second before saying back in the same tone “Tony, nobody cares, no” he nods his head towards the door “Parker’s on the roof”

* * *

“kid pl-“ Tony starts to plead with the teen but he interrupts him. 

“i’m not a kid, i stopped being a kid when you pulled me into this shit and ruined my life” Tony knows it's the suit. It's whatever is controlling Peter but he can't help the feeling of guilt enveloping his entire being. 

“Peter this isn't you” Nat says, getting Peter's attention. 

“sure it is” he blurts with a smile “it’s the me i keep hidden, the one that screams to be set free” Loki sees Peter look at him for a second and he has to stop the shiver going through him focusing on the avengers to try and stay grounded, he can’t have an attack now. 

“what do you want?” Loki glares at the teen who's relaxing on the edge of the building, his black suit would look good if the circumstances were different. 

“the avengers dead” he watches as some people's eyes grow wide, others jaw clenching and some glare. 

“i have no problem with killing you, but they do” Loki says back with glee and Peter smirks “so be it”.

Peter raises his hand and in seconds theres a string of black web wrapped around Loki and Peter is pulling him towards him, just as Loki sees the Avengers move to attack he whispers “ _ incendia _ ” and watches as the web catches fire, he makes sure that as soon as it reaches him he breaks out of it and smirks as he watches Peter screeching while he pats out a small fire on his hand, he notices the suit stretches, like melted cheese. 

Peter then ignores him and focuses on the other avengers. He spits a grenade web right in the middle of Tony, Steve, Thor and Wanda and when it goes off it sends them flying, he then wraps Bucky and Sam together in webs. 

” _ again? _ ” Sam screeches as they fall,Natasha moves to attack but Peter uses his webs to pull her legs out from under her and Loki hears her head hit the ground with a loud crack.

She groans as Peter walks over to her and kicks her end the head. It lulls from side to side until it stops and Loki has no clue if she’s alive 

_ “Parker stop” _ Thor yells as he gets up. Loki and Thor are the last ones left, the rest of the Avengers are out living their lives or lying on the ground knocked out five feet in front of him. This  _ kid _ just took out  _ earth’s mightiest heroes  _ in under ten seconds. Thor cares too much about them and if he can’t do this then Loki’s going to have to back to his old self, the one that doesn’t care. 

“you really think i care?” Peter scoffs shooting a web at Thor, it hits him in the neck and Thor frowns for a second because what was the point but then Loki sees light blue shocks running over his brother as he collapses, Peter starts to walk over once it stops and Thor instantly gets on his knees, he tries to get up but Peter smashes his knee into his face. The suit made him stronger. 

Thor falls back and Peter uses his webs to trap Thor's hands and legs to the cement. “you’re nothing to me” he spits as he starts to step on Thor's throat. 

_ I can’t do big spells, I can't do big spells, nature is mad at me I can’t help.  _

His eyes dart around, Bucky and Sam eventually gave up on trying to get out of the web but now they’re begging Peter to stop as Thor wheezes desperately trying to breathe better. “Peter” Thor uses his real name, pleading for him to stop “you’re the hardest one to kill so i might as well start with you” Parker leans down to spit in his face causing his foot to dig in harder. 

Thor’s head is filled with ringing, black spots start to dance in his vision as he looks at Peter smirking above him. “so much for the god of thu-“ Peter tries to say but he’s sent flying and Thor gasps loudly and tries to hold his throat but his hands are trapped under webs, the black webs were much stronger than Peter’s normal ones. 

He coughs and gasps for a couple seconds and looks up to see Loki walking over to Peter. 

The teen tries to get up but Loki holds his hand out “ _ Ossox _ ” Loki mumbles emotionless and jerks his wrist making Peter fall to the ground. 

Thor hears his bone snap as Peter screams in agony clutching his hand to his chest “i have no problem breaking every bone in your body Parker” Loki says and twists his wrist again, Peter screams again this time going to hold his leg, Loki not giving Peter time to recover and snap his bones back in place.

Thor sees tears fall from Peter's eyes as he sobs  _ “please stop” _ he gasps loudly trying to breathe. 

“will you stop?” Loki says before breaking Peters foot. It hurts Thor to see him like that, his voice cracking with every scream and sob  _ “yes please just stop” _ Peter takes a sharp inhale.

Loki doesn’t drop his wrist “ _ motus”  _ he then drops his arm as an invisible force pulls Peter over to him. Peter claws at the ground trying to catch himself but Loki kicks him in the head, making Peter turn over onto his back and punches Peter in the face as hard as he can. He watches as Peter's head falls to the side, his breathing even’s out and his face relaxes. He watches for a few more seconds before determining that Peter is in fact knocked out and not faking it. 

He immediately runs to Thor's side and tries to use his dagger to cut the webs but it’s too strong. 

“ _ incendia _ ” he watches as the webbing around Thor's hands burst into flames and Thor lets out a little yelp “sorry” Loki says before he rushes over to Natasha

“check on him” Loki demands, nodding his head towards Tony. He sees Thor do as told when Loki bends down to listen if Natasha is breathing, it’s so faint that even with his good hearing it was hard to catch. He hovers his hands over her head praying that it would work, that he would have enough strength and he sighs when he sees the green string of light wrapping themselves around her head. 

He watches until it stops and then he goes to pick her up but Thor calls him over. 

“you have to heal him” Loki nods, hesitating for a second and prays again that his magic would work. 

“why aren’t you doing it?” Thor looks between him and Stark, Loki frowns before trying again but there's no light, no glow of green, no surge of energy or warmth consuming him.

“i’m not strong enough” he breathes out and slumps back, Thor’s eyes widen before he picks Stark up, even with the armor it was easy. 

“hello?” Bucky spits and Loki almost tries to use his magic to let them go but he has to physically cut the web off with one of buckys knives, thank god for Vibranium.

After they’re free he goes to pick up Natasha “grab him” he nods towards Peter talking to either man, he doesn't watch to see who grabs who as he follows his brother holding Stark down the stairwell.  After Loki put Nastasha in the medical floor of the building he went back up to grab Steve. 

* * *

“So you’re just not going to tell me you saved us all again?” Tony watches as Loki steps beside his hospital bed 

“Shouldn’t you be trying to save your kid” he asks pressing buttons on a monitor beside Tony 

“He’s not my kid and you should stop fucking around before you accidentally kill me” and in response Loki kicks the IV drip “fuck you” Tony snarls while quickly moving his arm so the IV won’t rip out.

“Fuck you too” He simply says while moving to the otherside of Tony’s bed and looking over a heart monitor “and who told you?”

“Your very proud older brother” Tony points a finger at him when he presses a button and the heart monitor shuts off and on with a loud beep “stop fucking around” 

Loki looks at him before ripping the clip off his finger that tracks his pulse and the heart monitor flatlines as he drops the clip to the ground 

Banner busts through the door a second later and sighs loudly when he sees Tony isn’t dead “Diva over here is sulking because he saved us” Tony explains and Loki rips the tube from Tony’s nose  _ “fuck” _ Tony slaps him away with a scrunched up face.

“I’m not sulking” he sits on a chair by the heart monitor and bends over to pick the clip off of the floor as Banner walks over to do it. He chucks it at Tony and the man scowls at him while putting the clip back on “i’m bored” Loki states

“You could help figure out how to get that thing off of Peter” Banner fixes the tube for Tony’s nose despite the mans protest.

“Fire seemed to work but I doubt you’d wanna set him on fire” he leans back and crosses his legs.

“You know us so well” Banner says sarcastically 

“can’t we just test a bunch of shit on him?” Loki waves his hand towards peter’s cell downstairs 

“you’re not torturing him” Tony glares and Loki sighs 

“well we have to find out that things weakness somehow”

“Wanda has that thing to show your biggest fears” Bruce chips in as he pulls up a chair on the other side of Tony’s bed 

“then we risk the Symbiote binding with her” Tony says but then stops “wait no, she doesn’t have to touch people to do it”

“You don’t know if she can do it from outside the room though” Loki states and Tony points at him 

“Exactly” he looks back to Banner, “get her to try it and tell me if it works”

* * *

Of all thing it was fucking bells, that the symbiote was weakened by. Well not bells but high frequencies of sound, they found out when Thor bumped into Steve and stormbreaker hit Steve’s shield. After that Loki used a clone to get Peter out of there when the symbiote was weak enough. 

It took a day or two for Peter to recover, the thing fucked with his personality but he readjusted quickly and now they had nothing to worry about, which was boring. Loki was bored to the point he let Tony buy and teach him how to use a phone.

“Hey i’m bored” Tony says plopping on the couch beside Loki as he reads a book 

“Me too” Loki flips a page and Tony has to force himself not to watch as Loki licks his finger 

“Want to cause some drama with me?” Tony asks happily making Loki put his book down and Tony smirks 

“What have you got in mind?” he looks behind Tony at the rest of the Avengers in the kitchen and back to Tony

“Nothing in particular” Tony shrugs “was hoping you had an idea”

His heart drops for a second when Loki smirks but it stops when he gets up with a “oh i do” he waves his hand and they’re gone. The Avengers are to caught up in themselves to notice the bright green light and the absence of their friend and their other friend's psycho brother.

* * *

“Has  _ anybody _ seen Tony and Loki?” Steve looks at anyone and nobody responds, just shrugs and frowns. He drags his hands down his face “what the hell is up with them?”

Suddenly the elevator dings and out steps Loki and Tony, covered in glitter and  _ giggling. _

“Are you still drunk?” Loki laughs looking down at Stark who’s hanging off his shoulder.

“I think so” Tony slurs then he straightens and stumbles when he sees the living room full “oh hey” he smiles at the Avengers and lets go of Loki so he can walk over to the bar “remind me to  _ never _ go to Vegas with Loki again”.

“What did you two do?” Natasha’s eyes narrow at Tony as he starts to pour himself some whiskey

“You’re already drunk” Loki states, popping up beside him with a shimmer of green before he takes the drink from Stark and downs it himself.

“Seriously what did you g-” Bucky stops talking and his eyes go wide “-holy shit” and no one knows what he’s talking about meanwhile the two men at the bar ignore him. 

“Don’t think because of last night you can tell me what to do” Tony raises his eyebrows at Loki and the man does the same as Tony takes the glass from him.

“What a great husband you are” Loki says sarcastically before he pecks him on the lips. Tony freezes, they didn’t plan the kiss. 

_ “You guys got married” _ Steve yells as he stands, the rest watch the two in shock and Bucky never took his eyes off their rings “you even got him a  _ rock” _ Steve says looking at the black diamond ring on Loki’s finger.

Loki smirks when Stark replies “I’m rich Rogers and we were drunk” 

“That’s not an excuse to marry  _ your enemy _ ” Pietro chimes in and Loki smirks harder 

“ _ Your enemy”  _ Tony wiggles a finger at everyone “I was the one stuck with him for a year”

“You enjoyed all the pleasure I gave you, don’t lie” Loki lies and Tony almost spits out his drink, yeah he’s ever doing this shit again, especially with Loki.

“What the fuck” Sam breaths and looks between them his jaw dropped “you’re supposed to be with Pepper” he focuses on Tony and the man almost busts out laughing 

“explains the split custody of Morgan” Tony raises his drink towards Sam with a lighthearted tone.

“Wait” Scott looks dumbfounded as he looks at Loki “is Morgan going to start calling you dad?” that broke them. 

Tony knees gave out with how hard he was laughing and Loki tripped over him as he was trying to leave, so they all watched as Loki rolled on the floor holding his stomach and Tony was practically screaming

“We were fucking around” Tony gasps between breaths as he tries to get up but only stumbles and lands on his ass beside Loki, the god then slaps Tony’s arm as he laughs and Tony has to move away. “Ow you fuck” he says still laughing and holding his arm, he leans his head against the wall and tries to catch his breath.

“So you’re not married?” the relief in Visions voice makes Loki’s stomach clench.

“Nah we’re married” Tony huffs out, still out of breath “Loki’s very committed I guess”

“that was probably the best kiss you’ve had in your whole life” Loki lifts his head from the ground slightly to look at Tony

“it didn’t even last a second” Tony frowns at him despite the fact he actually liked the kiss.

“are you asking me to prove you wrong?” now Loki lifts himself so he’s leaning on his elbows 

“okay that’s all I can take” Natasha blurts and walks away, using the stairs to leave so she wouldn't have to wait for the elevator.

Loki falls back down as his body shakes with laughter.

_ I’m fucked _

* * *

“Morning beautiful” Loki smirks at Brunnhilde as he walks to the kitchen and throws a finger at Tony who does the same in return and he notices that he already has a drink in his hand at Ten AM.

“You really need to shut up before I kick your ass” Brunnhilde growls and Loki smirks again while pouring his coffee

“kinky” he looks up at her and he barely dodges a flower vase thrown at him, he let’s out a chuckle because he just  _ loves _ fucking with her “why are you still here anyways?” Loki frowns at her before putting sugar and cream in his cup “we found Parker so we have no use for you”

“Can you stop before Tomb Raider over here breaks all my shit?” Tony says when he sees Brunnhilde reach for an empty plate on the coffee table and he looks at Loki over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

Tony’s breath hitches when Loki  _ listens _ , Loki plops down between him and Peter and once again taking Tony’s drink and drinks it all it one shot “can you  _ stop _ doing that” Tony’s voice goes high for a second “unless you wanna fill my cup every time”

Loki places the cup back in his hand and goes to drink his coffee “stop drinking so early and  _ maybe _ I’ll listen” Tony starts to get up but Loki pulls him back down harshly, ignoring the surprise on Tony’s face as he spits “if you’re going to pour another drink I will turn every one of those bottles into poison” he takes a sip of his coffee and watches as Tony huffs in defeat before he goes to pour himself a cup of coffee and Loki takes Tony’s spot because his skin itches where Peter's body was pressed against his thigh.

“You two  _ listen to each other? _ ” Natasha’s eyes are wide and Loki doesn’t like it, he’s used to Natasha simply smirking or raising an eyebrow, not full on emotion. 

“More like I threaten him until he listens” Loki takes another sip of his coffee and turns to see his brother and Jane stepping out of the elevator.

They nod at each other while the two walk over to pour themselves coffee, Tony moves out of the way and goes back to the couch and when he sits down he almost jumps back up when Thor  _ screeches _ .

“Jesus!” Steve holds a hand to his chest, Peter was ready to fight, Natasha almost tipped her chair over, Jane literally jumped back from Thor and Loki screeched back, it was quieter though. 

“was that a fucking mating call, because aren’t you guys brothers?” Tony asks while he looks between the two brothers when Thor walks over and grabs Loki’s empty cup.

“As kids we made up a language only we could understand” Thor states walking back to the bar. 

“I thought allspeak lets you guys understand any language, wouldn’t other Asgardians know?” Peter’s face scrunches up in confusion.

“I put a spell on it so no one else could understand” Loki watches as his brother pours his cup and brings it back to him. “never thought Stark would know me better than you” Loki looks at his black coffee before getting up and adding what he likes to it, he moves around Jane like she isn’t there. 

“Loki” she greets while she takes a seat at the bar with her coffee.

“I saved your life and almost died in the process” he walks past her and back to the couch “you could at least pretend to somewhat tolerate me” he looks at her under his eyelashes and she looks like she’s ready to hit him.

“That’s exactly why I can’t stand you” she rolls her eyes and he smiles.

“Because I saved your life or because I'm an asshole?” he smirks when her mouth twists up but before she can explode on him Thor sits beside her and puts his arm around her. 

“Brother” he says lowly, warning Loki. “not today please”

“You guys are so boring, jesus” Loki huffs as he crosses his legs and takes a sip of his coffee “you should’ve just left me in purgatory” he flinches slightly when Tony punches him in the arm, making coffee spill on his hand “um, ow” Loki frowns at him and Tony looks like he’s ready to kill him

“You don’t mean that” Thor breathes harshly and Loki looks at him instead of Tony, he sees Thor’s eyes glossing over but fuck, he  _ does _ mean it.

“until i’m treated like a person and not like a bomb that’s ready to go off at the slightest poke” he holds Thor’s gaze “then i do mean it” Loki says lowly.

He’s met with a hit in the fucking face, he licks his cheek after he feels his teeth sink into it and tastes metal “what the fuck is the matter with  _ you now?” _ he spits and looks at the man beside him.

Loki sees Tony stretching his hand out, his knuckles red  _ “you” _ Tony growls before getting up but once again Loki pulls him back down.

_ “Loki” _ Brunnhilde has the audacity to scold him but as usual Loki ignores her.

“You’re mad because i’d rather go fucking crazy than be treated like I was my whole life?” He says still holding onto Tony’s arm and he almost breaks his cup with how tight he’s holding it. 

_ “Fuck you” _ Tony spits looking him straight in the eye “let me go  _ now” _ his gaze goes dark along with his voice

“Or what?” Loki cocks his head to the side with a hum and Tony looks like he’s ready to scream “you’ll kill me, lock me up, you’ll leave me alone to go insane?” Tony’s eyebrows drew together as he squints at Loki “been there, done that” Loki says with a tune.

Tony’s face hardens “I know you, I spent a year alone with you” his voice is so emotionless it scares Loki for a split second

“Is that supposed to be a threat of some kind?” this time Loki’s face hardens and he loosens his grip.

“It’s whatever you want it to be” Tony rips his arms from Loki’s grip and leaves not looking at any of his friends. 

“Anyone else wanna have a go?” Loki leans back acting unfazed but anger boils in his stomach. Nobody responds and they go back to watching whatever is on th T.V.

* * *

“why are you angry with me?” he pops up in Tony’s office or workshop, a couple feet in front of the man sitting at his desk.

“I’m not” Tony states, not looking up as he pulls up an AI screen to have something to do.

“then look at me” Loki’s voice was emotionless but Tony could hear a hint of anger. Tony huffs before closing the AI screen, he slumps against his desk chair harshly. 

“What the fuck do you want?” Tony pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes.

“for you to tell me why you’re upset” Loki leans against the desk and towers over him easily. It makes Tony’s nerves stand on edge and he has to resist the urge to push away from him.

“why do you stick around?” Tony blurts and Loki's expression goes from emotionless to shocked “all we ever do is hurt you, so why do you stay?” He stops pinching his nose and looks at Loki now 

“you know me, so you should know why I stay” Loki deadpans as he straightens up 

“thing is” Tony sits up and leans against his desk “I don’t believe you” 

“sir?” FRIDAY speaks up before Loki was forced to tell Tony what he didnt want to. “Thor is requesting Loki’s presence” 

“why?” Loki looks up as he asks 

“he said your friends are here”

Tony and Loki look at each other in confusion, their previous conversation is long gone now “I thought you don’t have any friends?” Tony starts to get up when he sees Loki head for the door

“other than you I don’t” he doesn’t lie, Thor has friends and he might accidentally call them Loki’s friends from time to time but they all know that Loki would never trust anyone or open up to anyone as much as he has with Tony and even then Loki fought it, he didn’t want to be Tony’s friend, he hated that Tony pried at his thoughts and motivations but somehow he managed to break through that wall Loki put up for a thousand years.

* * *

Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg and Sif stood in the living room of the Avengers Tower with Thor and Jane. Loki stopped dead in his tracks and Tony had to forcefully move him so the elevator doors dont close on him. 

“i need to be drunk to tolerate you guys” Loki gets their attention after he snaps out if it and walks over to the bar and pours himself a drink. “what are you doing here?” 

“came to visit Thor of course” Sif smiles while placing a hand on Thor’s arm, he smiles back and Loki sees Jane start to glare.

“and to see if these Midgaurdians are respecting him” Volstagg speaks up and Loki can see Fandral smirk slightly

“and same for you of course” Fandral adds and Loki can see a glint in his eyes 

“when has anybody respected me unless it was ordered” He raises an eyebrow and Fandral smirks 

“I respect you” Loki can see Fandral scanning him “you look good in Midgardian clothing” he rests his weight on his hip to check him out again. Fandral always had a little thing for him when he wasn’t fooling around with other people, sometimes Loki  _ swears _ it’s Fandral’s attempt at making him jealous with how much he bragged about them. 

“you  _ respect _ me too much” He sips his drink and Tony looks between them in confusion as he sips from his own glass “he’s been trying to get in my pants for centuries”

Tony almost choked so he  _ had to _ spit his drink everywhere, he was gasping for air for a second and he felt Loki’s hand on his back before he let out a cough and the ache in his throat was gone. 

“if you touch my brother I am disowning you” Thor points at Fandral with a glare, Ignoring the fact that Tony almost just died.

“well then it’s good thing he won’t allow it” and Fandral sends a wink to Loki probably thinking it will happen eventually but Loki would rather fuck Rogers if it meant that Fandral will back off. 

Tony sees a lightbulb go off in Loki’s head and anxiety starts to surface in his stomach, either he’s going to fuck shit up in a bad way or in a good way and Tony can’t tell which it is.

“take that wink back” Loki lifts his glass to his lips “i’m a married man now” he takes a sip of his drink and lifts his other hand to show the black diamond. While the Asgardians are in shock Loki sends Thor a look and hopefully he gets it. Fandral looks like he’s going to faint, Sif looks like she’s about to call his bullshit, meanwhile Volstagg and Hogun look  _ happy for him. _

“And you didn’t invite us?” Volstagg makes Loki wince with how loud he is, he sees Tony flinch beside him but no one else does, they’re used to it.

“It was only friends and family” Thor lies and he sees thor send Jane a look when she opens her mouth but she quickly shuts it. 

“Are we not friends?” Fandral starts to glare and Loki bites his lip to stop from smiling “Well where is she?” he continues

“He” Loki corrects and answers the question at the same time, he grabs Starks hand and pulls him over to the couch with him.

_ Jesus fucking christ this guy is going to give me a heart attack soon. _

Tony does his best not to show his fear and shock as he walks by the Asgardians and if Loki can feel his hands sweating he chooses not to react. 

“Does that mean i’m royalty?” he lays on the couch and almost faints when Loki lifts his legs and rests them on his own lap when he sits down,Loki starts drawing little patterns into Tony’s shin like it was  _ normal _ .

“Is this a trick?” Sif doesn’t falter when the brothers and Tony look at her offended. 

“Thor wasn’t wrong when he said you’re treated like shit” Jane adds and looks back at Loki, he can see rage in her eyes, he barely knew Jane but he knew that she liked to prove the impossible wrong, she rebelled against norms, like Loki, which is apart of the reason Loki actually somewhat respects her, the first second they met she punched him and Loki couldn’t help but respect her for it.

“It’s not that” Sif tries to defend herself but stutters slightly before she continues “you guys don’t know him” 

“What makes you think that?” Stark raises an eyebrow at her, same with Stark, he was more reckless though, he would have no problem challenging Sif right there and they both know it, because Stark likes adrenaline, he likes danger and he likes challenges.

“Lady Sif please stop” Thor pleads and looks at her hoping she can see his desperation “you’ve no clue what you’re talking about” and Sif scoffs

“I’ve known Loki for a thousand years, he’s manipulative, mean-” Loki’s jaw clenches while she glares “-closed off, jealous, conniving, vindictive and weak” Sif spits as she finishes and Loki disappears in a flash of green before he shows up right in front of Sif.

He kicks her in the stomach so hard she flies back and hits the wall by the elevator  _ “Loki!” _ he hears his brothers harsh tone but ignores him like always and teleports in front of Sif again, Loki picks her up off the ground holding her against the wall by her neck, she kicks and claws at his arm but he’s too strong for her. 

Sif always insulted him, always picked at the fact that he isn’t as strong as Thor but she never focused on the fact that he is stronger than her and she has the nerve to call him weak. “Am I still weak?” he drops her but conjures up a black dagger and holds it to her throat, her breath hitches as she presses herself back into the wall.

“Loki” he hears Fandral behind him “stop it, we get it” his voice shakes, Loki won’t do it but they don’t know that, the Asgardians don’t know Loki like they think they do, they know the Loki facade that he keeps up around them.

“What are you going to do Sif?” he presses the dagger in slightly “you can’t fight your way out, you can’t insult your way out” his hands shaking with anger, he feels guilt start to eat at his stomach but the anger in his bones drowns it out.

“Stark don’t” he hears his brothers concerned voice but he stays focused on Sif, she doesn’t say anything just keeps looking behind him then back to him.

_ “Diva?” _ he hears Stark beside him and he almost,  _ almost _ hits him when Stark places a hand on his shoulder “they get it” he says softly and Loki looks back at the fear in Sif’s eyes, Tony slowly pulls his arm back and takes the dagger out of his hand “they get it okay?”

“Expect the worst and you get the worst” he spits in Sif’s face and leaves. They wanted him to be so bad, if they wanted to doubt how good he can be then he’ll prove them right.

* * *

“What’s going on with you and Stark?” Thor crosses his arms as he leans against the wall by the door, watching Loki to see if there’s anything he can pick up on.

“Is it that surprising we get along?” Thor’s face drops when he sees that Loki is somewhat offended by that, His eyebrows furrowed and Thor almost swears it’s fear in his eyes.

“No, it was bound to happen since you guys were alone for a year” he uncrosses his arms and walks over to loki “it’s just that, Stark seems  _ too happy _ with you” he sits beside his brother and doesn’t miss the hurt on his face when his jaw clenches for a second.

“I’m not too fond with the concept of friends but i'm sure that’s a result of having a friend brother” Loki looks up at him and Thor tries his hardest not to start babying him, his brother never had friends and he felt bad for questioning it.

“You know what I mean” Thors gaz softens and Loki blinks a couple times and his mouth falls open slightly but Thor continues “you don’t fall for people easily and when Stark realizes, please let him down gently” Thor watches Loki as he relaxes and nods but Thor can see the shock, he can  _ feel it. _

“We’re nothing but friends brother” He picks up a book from his night stand

“good” Thor mutters

They wouldn’t work anyways, Tony has a kid, Pepper, the Avengers. Tony doesn't need him, Tony doesn't  _ want him _ , but Loki can see the hesitant looks, the gazes that last too long, the ones where Loki can  _ see _ that Tony is trying to figure out what the hell is going on between them.

“why’d you get Stark out of purgatory instead of yourself?” Thor asks, breaking him out of his thoughts “that’s not very Loki of you”

“do you really think I’m that heartless?”

“No, you would have gotten him out if you did leave him”

Loki doesn’t deny it “only three months alone and I was insane, Starks mind would fold in half that time” Loki states “purgatory is for punishment or cleansing, you can only leave once you’ve served your time-“ he feels his heart clench a bit “-even if I wanted to leave I couldn’t, that’s why bringing both of us back took almost everything out of me” 

“it didn’t want you to go” Thor breathes and lets out a shaky sigh when Loki nods. “I’m sorry, I tried so hard to get you back” Thor says and Loki starts breathing hard 

“I helped Stark anytime he asked, I read through spellbooks everyday looking for the spell and I answered all of Tony’s questions about magic and nature a-and the spir-“

“Thor” Loki says loudly to stop him “it’s okay brother, I’m back so none of that matters”

“of course it matters what do you me-“

“Brother” Loki’s voice is low as he continues “I am back, I am fine, we are fine, nothing is going to happen to us and I am not mad at you for whatever you assume I’m mad for”

* * *

Loki was pissed, fucking seething, mostly at himself for coming up with the stupid idea of pretending to be in love with Stark to get Fandral off of his back because those motherfuckers are staying in the tower for a couple days, so now he and Stark have to act like they’re madly in love, and Thor being the  _ annoying older brother _ he is, must’ve informed everybody else about the situation so now they’re joining in in the act.

When he walks in he immediately goes to lay on the couch and pushes Banners feet out of the way “good morning to you too” Banner says before he looks back up at the T.V 

“Don’t talk to me” he turns on his side and rests his head on his hand, he stares past Sif on the arm chair and out the window.

“Here” he looks up to see Tony holding out a mug to him and he sits up, he takes the cup with a small “thank you” and watches as Fandrals eyes harden and Sif looks at the ground. Tony takes the spot beside him and Banner starts talking to him about something sciency, he doesn’t know, he focused on magic growing up, he didn’t care to understand how it works. 

“how did you two fall in love” Fandral leans forward and Loki winces slightly

“wouldn’t you like to know lover boy” he sips his coffee and sees Stark and Banner start to pay attention 

“it’s a long story” Tony gets up and Loki sees him head to the bar “has to do with dying, purgatory, french toast and a lot of yelling” even from across the room Loki can feel the dread consuming Stark. Tony didn’t like thinking about purgatory, it made his nerves light up and his muscles quiver.

Loki raises a hand and suddenly all the liquid in the bottles near Stark turn to sand. Loki goes back to his coffee and ignores Tony yelling “what the fuck!”

“it’s eight am Stark” He watches as Tony pinches the bridge of his nose but stops abruptly.

“never thought i’d say this but he’s right Tony” Natasha motions towards Loki and he almost drops his coffee 

“last time I checked it was my life and my body to fuck up, so i can drink whenever i want to” Tony holds up a bottle and looks at Loki “now turn it back” 

Loki disappears in a flash of green and Tony groans and puts the bottle down but then he yelps when Loki pops up beside him 

“i told you to stop fucking doing that” Tony steps back but Loki steps forward, his face is calm as he watches Tony.

“can I try something?” Loki doesn’t look at anyone but him. 

Tony frowns and tenses “like turn that sand back to whiskey?” he sees Loki’s lip twitch up slightly but the man shakes his head 

Loki raises his hand and Tony takes another step back 

“Stark” Thor’s voice cuts through the staring contest and they both turn to him “let him” Thor finishes and Tony stares Loki down for a second. Loki’s face is emotionless, his body relaxed and his gaze is soft so Tony nods, they’re supposed to be in love after all and how can they act like it if Tony doesn't trust him.

Loki gently places his fingers on Tony’s temple  _ “papilio lux” _ .

Tony feels the anxiety in his stomach fade as he lets out a sigh, his shoulders slump and his mind feels clear. He frowns at the man in front of him 

“still want that drink?” Loki turns the sand bottles back into various different types of alcohol and Tony shakes his head “stop glaring at me” Loki demands and Tony does, he doesn’t even realize he started glaring. 

“what just happened?” Sif looked confused, or horrified, Loki couldn’t tell.

“it’s what we call being weak” Loki tells her before he makes coffee for Tony so he doesn’t have to look at her 

“I am groot?” _being weak?_ the tree speaks up from beside Banner 

“PTSD, trauma and anxiety is seen as a weakness on Asgard” Thor answers and drops his head slightly. Sometimes they were ashamed of their people and their standards. 

“so next time you want to think im weak” Loki finishes stirring Tony’s coffee and he gives it to the man “remember that i was tortured in ways you couldn't imagine while you were at my life celebration laughing and having the time of your life” Sif stands to defend herself and Loki glares. 

“you let go of the Bifrost” she spits harshly.

“So that's a reason to celebrate my death, to laugh and give cheers mere hours later?” Loki feels Tony step closer and his nerves light up 

“I-“ Sif starts to speak but to his surprise Thor defends him.

_ “Lady Sif” _ Thor stands and the coldness of his voice shocks everyone, even Loki. “you know not what you speak of, this is not the Loki  _ you  _ once knew” Sif opens her mouth to speak but Thor keeps going “it’s not even the brother I knew but the best version he could be and if you continue to speak down on him then we can not get along” Sif’s face drops and Loki feels his gut twist 

“broth-“ Loki tries to stop him, to tell him it’s okay.

“I have spent centuries watching you be mistreated, it’s enough now” Thor holds his gaze and Loki’s face drops before guilt crosses it.

“Thor you can’t possibly be sincere?” Sif breathes and takes a step towards Thor. Even from across the room Loki could feel Thor’s anger, how could Sif just ignore it?

“i have watched him be disrespected for a thousand years and I admit I was apart of it but there will be no more of it, do you understand?” Thor glares and Sif looks like she’s going to cry before she toughens up and nods “that goes for everyone here” Thor scans the room before he looks at his brother

“do i count?” Tony speaks up and the brothers look at them confused “he is my man so im allowed to be a dick” 

“always the joker” Thor smiles and Loki raises his eyebrows

“probably a bad idea to be with the god of mischief” he sips his coffee and walks to the elevator, he hears someone snicker but doesn't bother to see who and when he gets into the elevator he smiles at Sif “twas miserable meeting you” with a slight bow and the door closes before she can bark back at him.

Not even five minutes of being in his room he sees a flash of green in the corner of his eye. “does Sif want to kill me?” he looks up and sees Loki shake his head 

“we should probably go over this if we’re going to fake being in love” Loki leans against the wall beside the door and doesn’t react when Tony tenses.

“Well we kind of already know everything about each other” Tony raises an eyebrow and Loki presses his lips together 

“I’m asking what are you comfortable with doing?”

“What are  _ you _ comfortable with doing?” Tony tilts his head with a slight smirk when Loki looks unamused 

“Stark” Loki’s voice was hard and it almost made him drop the facade 

“Odinson” Stark says in the same tone and Loki looks like he’s ready to throw something at him.

“Do I have to get in your head?” and Tony finally gives in, he hates when Loki does that and Loki knows it. Tony flops face first onto his bed and Loki snickers. 

“Tony” Loki demands an answer and Tony groans into his mattress “how far are you willing to go?” Loki crosses his arms

“sometimes you gotta run before you can walk” 


	10. pursuit of happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate Sif

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions/descriptions of torture

“how you doing with all this?” Banner asks as he makes a sandwich and Tony sits on the counter bouncing a ball off the floor.

“could be worse i guess” he bounces the ball and catches it “at least i’m not stuck in purgatory with him”

“turned out good for both of you, surprisingly you two are very similar” Bruce huma

“you’re going to come at me like that?” Tony raises his brows 

“both of your fathers didn't treat you good, both rich, loved your mothers more than anything and all you want is respect”

“he’s got you there” Steve walks in and grabs a salad from earlier out of the fridge 

“then why do you hate him so much if we’re so similar” Tony bounces the ball off of the floor again, he doesn't make eye contact.

“he killed thousands of people” Steve grabs a bowl from a cupboard and a fork

“i got rich off of  _ weapons _ and  _ death”  _ Tony catches the ball and watches Steve, he doesn’t miss when Steve’s hand freezes for a second

“you stopped” Steve pours his salad into his bowl and puts the larger bowl in the sink beside him 

“so did he” Steve falters but Tony adds “just to add on that i wasn’t mind controlled to cause  _ millions _ of deaths and he was” 

“you’re making up for it” Steve turns to face him and holds his bowl so Tony doesnt have to see his fists clench

“so is he” Tony bounces the ball off the cupboard beside Steve and doesn’t feel bad when the man flinches

“not fro-“

“jesus christ can you two stop arguing all the time?” they all turn to see the brothers walking out of the elevator with sif and the warriors three “Rogers can hate me a-“ Loki tries to defend Steve’s hatred but Tony interrupts.

“he didn’t seem to hate you when your magic was fading and you almost died” Tony goes to glare at Steve and is also met with a glare

“you guys are worse than Loki and I were” Thor chuckles and walks over to the couch 

“oh my god” Banner mumbles with a mouthful of his sandwich “you all are actually parallels” 

“oh shut up” Tony spits at him but Banner continues with wide eyes 

“the good one, the innocent one, the one to make the sacrifice play” Banner points between Thor and Steve “the badass, the ladies man, the selfish one” Banner then points between Loki and Tony and stops when Loki looks like he’s completely lost

“ladies man?” He slides over the back of the couch so he’s sitting beside Thor but he keeps his eyes on Banner

“norse mythology says you have like nine kids?” Bruce answers before he takes another bite of his sandwich 

Loki shakes his head “I can’t have kids-” Bruce’s jaw drops and his food almost falls out of his mouth “-or I  _ couldn’t _ ” Loki looks calm and unbothered as he corrects himself.

“what?” Steve’s voice is so soft that if Loki didnt have better hearing than normal, he wouldn’t have heard him

Thor’s head drops as he focuses on the floor “Odin used magic to prevent me from having kids” Loki voice is emotionless as he turns to look at Steve and Steve feels his heart beat so hard that he can feel it in his stomach. 

He’s seen Loki when he was angry, hurt, bored, sad and exhausted but this is something so broken that Steve feels like the walls are closing in on him, he doesn’t like that Loki’s eyes aren’t the teal they usually are, they’re grey and the last time he seen that look on somebody was the last time Thor lost Loki. The only way Steve could explain that look is like their whole world went dark, that absolutely  _ nothing  _ mattered anymore.

“why?” Nebula’s voice shakes slightly but not enough that it’s noticeable by anyone but Gamora. 

“Odin didn’t want another Asgardian, Jötun hybrid running around” Loki starts focusing on his nails “too dangerous” he ignores Thor’s head snapping up to look at him “so he stopped me from having kids” 

“you knew why this whole time and you didn’t ask mother to break the spell?” Thor starts to shake, his voice grows cold along with his gaze, his breathing picks up and they notice the clouds outside become so thick you would think it’s nighttime. 

“no Thor, I didn’t know” Loki doesn’t acknowledge the fact that the wind picks up outside or he can hear thunder in the distance. Loki’s entire being radiates rage to the point Thor realizes what he’s accusing him of “because before I could confront Odin about it he fucking went into the Odinsleep!” Loki started yelling then and Thor flinches back 

“That’s why you made Banner snap” Tony didnt notice the ball roll out of his hands as he turned to look at the brothers “you didn’t save me because you didn’t want Morgan to live without a father” Loki’s eyebrow raises as Tony’s knit together “you saved me because you knew if i died i would go to Valhalla or Hel I would feel the pain of not being with my kid” Loki looks amused as his lip twitches up slightly “like you”

“Loki?” Thor looks back at his brother, his eyes glazed over “is that true?” the room gets brighter and they can see the sky start to clear up out the windows.

Loki looks back at him emotionless “I don’t have kids” he utters and walks out. 

It was silent, for a couple minutes until Nat breaks the silence “Is that why he’s such a dick? _ ” _

“he used to be different, kind, open and carefree” Thor sighs and buries the heels of his palms into his eyes “he does  _ anything _ for the people he loves but my father was blinded by his tricks, so my father made him the God of Mischief at the last minute” 

“what was he supposed to be the god of?” Scott asks

“Love”

“you’re fucking around right?” Sam asks, his eyes going wide.

Thor shakes his head “he died for me four times and you’re questioning if I’m serious?”

“well we only hear stories about Loki fucking around” Sam retorts

“he’s the god of mischief” Bruce butts in “they would try to build up his reputation as a trickster, not a lover”

“that did not sound right” Sam says and Bruce rolls his eyes before saying “you know what I mean”

* * *

Tony froze when Loki’s door slid open, everything in his room was either broken or flipped over. His bed was against the wall, the dressers flat on the floor, the desk stood on it’s side, glass and open books everywhere and Loki sat in the middle of it all, his hands clasped together and burying his mouth into his knuckles, Tony could see tear streaks down his face but ignored it.

As he carefully walked over all the broken glass he noticed blood drops.

He cautiously kneeled in front of Loki and the man didn’t look at him. “Lokes?” he still didn’t look at him, Tony carefully pulled his hands from his face “Loki?” Loki’s gaze flicked up to him for a second before going back to staring at Tony’s hand gently wrapped around Loki’s arm, ignoring the blood streaming down Tony’s palm onto his arm.

“What can I do?” his voice is soft, as soft as he can make it and Loki shakes his head in reply “I could ask Wanda to do the calming spell?” and Loki shakes his head even harder before he whispers “I don’t want them to see me weak”

“You’re not weak” Loki looks at him at that, looking for any hint of a joke or insincerity but theres nothing but pain, Tony hates seeing him like this “Loki tell me what I can do please”

Loki lets out a shaky sigh, bowing his head as he says “leave me alo-”

“No” Tony’s voice is so stern it makes Loki’s head snap up and Tony’s almost regrets it when he sees the anger in Loki’s eyes “i’m not leaving you alone until I know you’re okay”

Loki growls and pushes him away, making him lose his balance but he quickly catches himself, ignoring the glass digging into his palm because it was better than glass in his ass.

“Leave me alone” he says again and stands, Tony copies, not looking at the blood and glass on his palm “no” Tony spits back.

_ “Go” _ Loki pushes him but Tony stays in his place 

_ “No” _ he feels himself start to glare and Loki growls

_ “Get the fuck away from me Stark”  _ he pushes Tony again making him stumble over a book 

_ “Fucking stop”  _ Tony yells as he catches himself against the wall

_ “Then leave me alone” _

_ “No”  _ Tony growls and feels his blood boil

_ “What do you want huh?” _ Loki raises his arms  _ “want me to spill all my darkest secrets to you, tell you my life story because we’re friends?” _ Tony feels himself deflate 

_ “Why do you try?”  _ Loki growls and Tony feels himself inhale sharply when Loki steps so close he can feel the mans shallow breaths against his nose  _ “why do you care about me, I’m nothing but a burden, a monst-“ _

“you don’t want me to care but despite your own assumptions  _ i do care _ ” Tony says harshly and Loki freezes so Tony continues “Jötun or Asgardian or the crazy bitch that you are right now, it doesn’t matter because  _ I still care about you and you can’t change that” _

Loki steps back, of all things he didn’t expect that “why are you being nice to me?” he whispers and feels his nose sting a bit.

“after all the fucked up shit that happened to you, you deserve it” Tony deadpans and then sighs seeing Loki frown “can you do the stars thing again?”

* * *

Loki wasn’t surprised to find the common floor empty since it was six am, he was surprised when Morgan popped up from the couch yelling out “Magic man!” she jumps on the couch a bit but stops when she stumbles “I knew you were back!” she yells again and Loki noticed her talking got better 

“should you be up here by yourself?” Loki asks going to the fridge and decides french toast it is.

“daddy said I don’t go near windows, near stove or near glass” she finishes as she points at the bar “happy in the bathroom” she adds and Loki nods, pulling bread, eggs and butter out of the fridge and placing it on the counter

“are you hungry?” he asks as he quickly washes his hands, drying them off on paper towel and remembering to throw it out after

“what you gonna make?” Morgan asks happily and Loki can hear her get off the couch, her little footsteps getting louder as she gets closer and he pulls out a bowl from the cupboard, cracking the eggs into it.

“french toast” he says as he puts a pan from the dishrack on the stove, turning it on before putting some butter on the pan “do you like french toast?” he asks as he opens the bread bag and takes a piece, dipping it into the eggs and Morgan shows up beside him 

“mummy doesn’t like it so i only had it one time” she said holding up a finger he nods again and goes to put the bread onto the pan.

“you shouldn’t be too close” he tells Morgan “the stove is hot” she steps back and then he puts the bread onto the pan, Morgan lets out an amused sound as it sizzles on the pan and he can’t help but smile.

A thousand years he learned how to cook, play piano, harp, guitar, violin, learned every form of magic and his  _ one _ regret is not having a kid.

As he put another piece of bread on the pan Morgan says “I wanna help” with a little frown and Loki smiles wider “can you grab the syrup from the fridge?” he asks as her frown turns into a determined look as she cruises over to the fridge.

* * *

Nobody expected to find Morgan standing on a chair and helping Loki dry dishes with Happy sitting at the bar glaring holes into the back of Loki’s head.

It took everything in Tony not to fucking faint because that’s so fucking cute “you know theres a dishwasher?” he asks snapping Steve and Nat out of their shock as he walks over to the coffee machine and starts making a pot. 

“yeah right here” Loki says patting Morgans head and she giggles as they finish drying dishes.

“magic man made toast” Morgan says happily

“Loki and french toast” Loki corrects her and she just smiles “need help getting down?” he asks and holds out a hand to her, she takes it before jumping off the chair letting out a little  _ wee _

“thank you magic man” morgan says as she pushes the chair back over to the table beside the kitchen

“your welcome Máni” Loki replies, grabbing two cups out of a cupboard so nobody sees his smile 

“morgan” she frowns

“Máni” he doesn’t watch her as she walks over to Tony and he does the same

“you’re good with kids” Bruce states and Loki shrugs leaning against the counter, waiting for the coffee and Tony picks up Morgan off the floor. Loki always liked kids, probably because of Frigga always taking him on walks through the town and when she was talking with people he’d keep said peoples kids busy.

“would you guys want kids of your own?” Volstagg blurts, making Loki and Tony frown.

“we just established yesterday that Loki doesn’t know if he can have kids and you would really ask that?” Thor glares at Volstagg

“well it was bound by Odin's magic and he’s gone now so you should be able to” Sif says and Loki’s eyebrows shoot up.

“I don’t know how it works on Asgard but here two men can’t have kids” Tony states and fills up the cups on the counter so he doesn’t have to look at them “how bout you and Happy go play hm?” Tony smiles at Morgan who beams and wiggles out of his grip, grabbing happys hand and dragging him into the elevator.

“unless one of you was a woman” Thor says happily and makes eye contact with Loki who glares,

Tony’s jaw drops and without realizing he grabs Loki’s hand from it’s place on the counter“you can actually turn into a woman?” Tony screeches and Loki moves back a bit 

“I assumed your mythology books said so?” Loki frowns, his voice toneless and he lifts his hand so Tony finally notices his grip on Loki’s palm “my hand is going numb” Loki states and Tony instantly let’s go going to fill up Loki’s cup

“Nat you gonna come with us today?” Wanda speaks up seeing that Loki was uncomfortable 

“what's the mission?”

“serial killer, they found over a dozen bodies in a warehouse upstate”

“nah I’d rather stay here and watch TV”

“who’s all going?” Thor speaks up,

“Wanda, Sam, Scott and me” Steve points to everybody and then himself

“I’ll come with you” Thor states and stands, Steve and the others heading to the elevator with him.

“You said you guys went to purgatory?” Fandral abruptly asks, looking at Loki who nods as he plops onto the now free couch “why?”

“Killed an immortal, nature was mad at me when I died, he just so happened to be touching me and ended up in purgatory with me”

“You never told us how you know Suna" Tony asks suddenly

“I left Asgard every so often for a couple years, ended up on earth and ran into Suna and Decoda while they were hunting. Their tribe-”

“Where are they from?”

“Canada, up north”

“They’re called First Nations then”

“Okay well their first nation helped me out  _ a lot _ , built me my own cabin in _ hours _ , basically gave me everything I needed and in return I would help them out with whatever they needed, mostly helped the medicine people though”

“Medicine people?” Nat frowns

“Healers, witches, sorcerers, shaman whatever you want to call it but they prefer medicine people anyways I helped them with medicines, healing and protecting the people”

“From what giant beavers?” Sam scoffs then his face drops when Loki says  “It wasn’t  _ that _ long ago, from whatever the fuck was coming” Loki says “they’re  _ very  _ strong people, strong connection to the spirits and nature”

“How do you know?”

“Some elders got messages, warnings. In their dreams or from animals”

“Talking animals?” Sam scoffs again

“It’s more like a spiritual connection, if a owl hoots they could literally  _ feel _ what they’re trying to say or they hear it in their heads” 

“an elder her name was Tagea she got a warning from an owl when she was younger that in the future there would be a man who lives forever and that he would be the end of the world”

“Suna” Nat states “she got a warning about Suna?”

* * *

Thor is a dick, so is Tony, Nat, Bruce, Steve, all of them are dicks for fucking  _ lying  _ to him so he would fucking help look for the  _ serial killer _ . Tony is an even bigger dick for not telling him that Morgan left yesterday so he never got to say goodbye.

“it’s just a serial killer so why do you need my help”

“you have magic, if we get some of their blood or something you can do a locator spell” Tony points out, not taking his eyes off the road

“so where are we going?”

“the warehouse they found the bodies in before” he states as he turns a corner “another murder but this time, they’re gutted, Fury said the rest was too gory to disclose when people could listen in” 

He was right it was fucking gory. The victims weren’t just gutted, they were skinned, their skins stretched and Loki knew by the femurs lying by them that this was Decoda, it was a sign. They way the skin is stretched and the dull bone is the way Decoda and Suna’s people tan moose hide, their guts in a big pail, the guts were cleaned, there was some bones and muscles in their own respective piles. Loki knew this was a sign for him.

“jesus” Steve breathes out.

“all the footage is erased” Fury states “none of the workers remember erasing it or anybody coming here last night”

“they were probably knocked out” Tony says lowly “and the maniac erased the footage themself”

“none of the workers have injuries though” Nat retorts.

“can’t find any blood?” Loki asks, his gaze hard and not looking at anything but the fucking skins 

“there was a tiny drop that we couldn’t trace, they got it on a microscope slide waiting for you”

“get to it” Loki waves his hand towards Tony his listens with a roll of his eyes, it’s the least Tony can do for fucking lying to him,  _ Loki wanted shrimp. _

“do we know who they are?” Thor asks after Mariah and Tony leave.

“Decoda Davies and Sharon Star” that confirms it, this is all Decoda.

“no relation to each other, or anybody else?” Bruce asks and Loki notices he’s kept his back turned from all the blood and gore.

“no” Fury says harshly “either this guy is really fucked up or this is a message for somebody”

“can’t be for us, no one but us and SHIELD knows about this” Nat says lowly

“what kind of message is this?” Bruce asks loudly  _ “hey I’m a cannibal” _

“no, nothing from the body is missing” Loki says and keeps a straight face as he notices a set of tiny bones next to pile shaped into a D.

“is this even enough?” Tony asks as he and Mariah enter again, holding up the slide against the light and looking at the blood as he walks over to them.

“just a single drop would do” Loki states as he takes the slide from Tony, he closes his eyes and focuses, the familiar warmth running through his veins.

Nothing. No sign, no address fucking not even a town name “whoever it is, they’re blocking tracking spells”

“let’ see if Strange can try”

“I’m Strange times fifty, if I cant then he can’t 

* * *

“this was a hundred percent successful mission” Quill says happily

“Strange just lost Loki in Vegas” Tony deadpans.

“this was a hundred percent successful mission” Quil says even happier 

“jesus christ” Tony buries his face in his hand as he says “can’t you do a spell to find him”

“I need something of his or a relative, he and Thor aren’t exactly related by blood” Strange informs him

“what the hell is wrong with us?” Wanda groans

“a lot but at least we’re a group of sexy bitches” Quill adds

“I am surrounded by idiots” Sif grumbles, pinching the bridge of her nose

“so we never got anything on this serial killer and  _ you lost Loki?”  _ Tony groans when Quill answers for Strange and nods with a smile

“I told you, if Loki couldn’t do it then I wouldn’t be able to” Strange says lowly before opening another portal “let’s go”

They spent  _ hours  _ searching Vegas, searching any store, hotel, restaurant, bar, casino and even fucking hospitals and they  _ finally  _ found him.

“brother!” Loki yells happily and throws up his arms when he sees Thor approaching him “hey you wanna try this while I go play poker?” Loki asks pointing at the slot machine that he’s sitting at.

“we’re going home” Thor says harshly as he grabs Loki’s arm

“Thor please no” Loki pouts and pulls his arm back “ _ I’m having fun for once _ ” he whines

“you can have fun-“

“the tower  _ is not fun” _

“I’ll let you drink more if you come home” Thor whispers as his friends approach

“okay” Loki says happily “Stefan” Loki yells seeing Strange and the sorcerer glares “thank you for landing me here I’m having the time of my life”

“you’re annoying” Strange deadpans

“I love you too Stenav” 

“he’s in his rebellious teen phase if you can’t tell” Thor whispers to strange beside him so Loki won’t hear him 

_ “He’s over a thousand years old”  _ Strange declares

“and he’s 24” Sif adds

“I am twelve hunded and sixty-sumn thank you very much” Loki slurs from beside Thor and he stumbles over his foot, Thor’s arm around his back easily stopping him from falling “hey ya know you can get a drink served in a fish bowl here?” Loki asks Thor and his brother just rolls his eyes 

“this might be the most intoxicated I’ve seen you brother”

“well enjoy it while it lasts” Loki laughs “hey can we play pool?” 

“no we’re going home” 

“everyone is boring there” Loki whines

“hey” Tony says clearly offended

“oh hello how are you on this fine evenin’?” Loki turns to him and almost stumbles as they finally walk out the doors and step onto the street

“I like this Loki” Quill adds from behind them

“thanks Porter, wish i could say the same to you”

“I take that back” Quill retorts as Strange opens a portal and they step through and end up at the Avengers Towers.

“Holy shit you’re wasted” Bruce blurts with a vacant expression as the portal closes.

“what was that song that was playing at the- place?” Loki asks Tony going to lay on the couch 

“pursuit of happiness?” 

_ “Playing Pursuit Of Happiness by Kid Cudi” _

“FRID-“ Tony tries to stop her but the song already starts and he walks towards the elevator rolling his eyes.

Loki shrugs “either this or I drink more” 

“I’m going to bed” Wanda shakes her head with a small smile and decides to take the stair to their floor downstairs, Quill and Sif follow.

“well it’s no fun being drunk alone” Thor says as he walks over to the bar.

* * *

Thor and Loki were passed out on the couch together and still sitting up the next morning. Thor’s head is resting on Loki’s shoulder and Loki’s head is leaning against his and it looks fucking uncomfortable.

The ding of the elevator seems to wake up Loki because he takes a sharp inhale and looks at Thor beside him. He hears people moving behind him, going to the kitchen and he doesn’t care, his neck is sore as hell.

“get off me you ape” Loki grumbles pushing thor off him and holds back his laugh when Thor straightens in an instant yelling out  _ “not the ham” _

“you were dreaming about ham?” Loki asks his voice hoarse from just waking up

“it was a huge ham” Thor states as he rubs his own neck, his voice just as low as Loki’s. Hw sighs loudly but chokes on his breath when he feels something move beside him.

Thor looks behind him and finds a fucking kitten asleep beside him 

“where’d we get a cat?” he asks Loki and his brother looks around him with a frown, his eyebrows shoot up when he sees the cat 

_ “a cat?”  _ Sam almost yells, lifting his head so he could see over the arm of the couch from the kitchen. 

“we blacked out?” Loki asks despite the obvious answer

“nevermind that where did we get a cat _?” _

“If you guys don’t want him I’ll have him” Bucky buts in, not looking up from his coffee

“FRIDAY, what’d they do?”

_ “they drank and listened to music and went out go get more alcohol, they came back five hours later with a cat instead” _

“jesus” Tony mutters under his breath “no news reports about them?”

_ “no sir” _

“please name it T’challa” Sam nearly begs and Loki groans before getting up and going to his room.

* * *

“theres a serial killer out there and you all are okay with just letting them go?”

“just let the cops deal with it”

“you act like this is nothi-“ Tony stops yelling and frowns “why the fuck are you smiling?”

“you’re cute when you’re nervous” Loki scans him “you’re th only one brave enough to stand up to me, to yell at me” he takes a step forward and Tony feels his breath hitch “I like that” Loki smirks as Tony takes a step back for Loki’s every step closer, hoping that if he puts distance between them he’ll stop feeling waves of heat consuming him.

“Lokes?”

“I’m the god of lies remember?” Loki smirks when Tony’s back hits the bar “so don’t try and deny that you’re aroused” Loki doesn’t miss Tony hold onto the bar so hard his knuckles turned white.

Tony feels panic flood him but its replaced by that heat that he loves so much but hates when Loki takes another step forward “touch me and I swear to go-“ Tony tries to threaten but his breath catches in his throat when Loki pulls him forward by the collar of his shirt and smashes their lips together.

Tony tenses until Loki’s hand moves from his shirt to the nape of his neck and Tony melts. His head spins for a second as he lets go of the bar and grips Loki’s dark green sweatshirt instead, subconsciously pulling him closer and he feels his knees go weak when Loki leans into the kiss even more.

Tony suppresses a whine in his throat when Loki pulls away, it doesn’t matter when Loki’s hands are suddenly on his hips, lifting him onto the bar easily to close the height difference “I fucking hate you” He spits grabbing onto Loki’s shirt again

“I hate you too” Loki mumbles as he finds Tony’s lips in seconds, it’s hard, slow and it makes a warmth settle throughout Tony’s body, something he has  _ never  _ felt before and he never wants it to end.

* * *

So that’s how they went from enemies, to friends, to accidental husbands, to fake dating to friends with benefits. Anytime either of them couldn’t sleep, which is a lot in Tony’s case, or when their minds wouldn’t shut up, when they were bored and when they simply wanted to fuck, they did.

It was all good, Loki opened up more with him, was more affectionate. They both decided to hide it because surely Steve and Fandral would have a heart attack plus Nat would surely kill Loki and Thor would  _ almost _ kill Tony . So Tony took a couple minutes to prepare himself before going up stairs after a morning fuck and Tony almost turned back around when he entered the living room.

“Okay Sif you really need to  _ fuck off _ ” Loki spits pinching the bridge of is nose, Tony continues to the coffee machine and he sees Sif glaring at Loki. Ten minutes it took ten minutes for those two to start arguing.

“I don’t believe anything you say” she says and glares harder 

“Yeah because I would make up being fucking tortured” he drops his hand from his nose and glares at her.

“I vowed to never believe a word you say” Her eyes narrow as her voice grows harsh “I mean how could  _ you _ of all people fall in love” her gaze shifts to Tony for a second and then back to Loki, suddenly he disappears in a glimmer of green.

“Exactly” Sif says leaning back into her chair “he always run-” she tries to say but then Loki pops up beside Tony in that same green glow and her jaw drops when Loki pulls Tony into a kiss.

She’s frozen as Loki pulls back and then rolls his sweater sleeves up and as he does a yellow glow engulfs his forearms for a second before he holds his arms above his head, showcasing  _ hundreds _ of white and pink scars “want more proof?” he spits and points at Nebula “she probably still has the footage”

“Do you?” Tony asks in a whisper and Nebula nods hesitantly 

“Go on” Loki says to Nebula and waves to Sif “show her”

“Lo-” Nebula tries to protest but Loki interrupts “ _ show, her” _

He sees Nebula’s jaw shake slightly before she closes her eyes and when she opens them there’s a projection in front of her.

Loki sitting shirtless in a metal chair, wrists, legs and waist chained to it. Thanos walks in front of him before he brings out what looks like a fire poker or a spear,the end burning hot  _ “all you have to do is agree to get the tesseract, and this will stop” _ Thanos says. 

Loki meets his gaze before he growls out  _ “no'' but _ before he can finish Thanos presses the fire poker against his cheek. Tony feels sick as he watches Loki scream in pain, trying to pull away from the fire poker. 

Everyone is frozen, except for Loki, Gamora and Nebula, Loki and Nebula watching with vacant expressions and Gamora staring at the floor

_ “What about now?” _ Thanos asks when he pulls away the fire poker and Loki drops his head, catching his breath.  _ “No” _

Thanos wraps his hand around Loki’s neck, making him look at Thanos.  _ “How about I take a trip to Asgard?”  _ Thanos growls  _ “visit your dear mother and brot-” _

_ “Don’t”  _ Loki wheezes out weakly and Thanos lets go of his throat 

_ “Will you do it?” _ Thanos asks again and Loki glares before he shakes his head

Thanos growls again before bringing out a knife and forcefully opening Loki’s mouth 

“Fath-” they hear Nebula try to stop him but he just yells at her and it reminds Loki of that time Thor was banished to earth.

Thanos turns back around and brings the knife up to Loki’s mouth as he tries to squirm away.

_ “Turn it off”  _ Tony yells before they can watch Thanos shove the knife down Loki’s throat and Nebula listens instantly.

No one says anything as they all look at Loki but he just watches Sif, she’s frozen, staring at the spot the projection once was.

Tony feels his eyes water as Loki suddenly heads for the elevator “if anyone needs this  _ liar”  _ Loki’s gaze shifts to Sif as he steps into the elevator “i’m going back to sleep” he spits and the doors close.

“you’re lucky Thor isn’t here” Bruce says lowly, glaring at Sif

“He’s right Sif, that was too far” Fandral says quietly but Sif doesn’t react, her gaze still on the spot the projection was “you have to apologize”

“no” she says without realizing “just because he was tortured does-“

“Sif” Volstagg butts in “no matter your past with Loki you know he didn’t deserve that”

Sif’s gaze hardens and Volstagg accidentally places his cup down on the table so hard it broke “can you ignore your pride for one minute and think clearly!” he almost yells and Sif’s eyebrow twitches slightly, trying not to show how that affected her. 

“now I get why he let go of the Bifrost” Hogun butts in “listen to us, we can deny it all we want but we treat him terribly, you specifically” his gaze shifts to Sif

“hey all this arguing isn’t good for the baby” Sam scolds with a glare as he pets the sleeping kitten in his lap 

“what baby?” Sif says too loudly 

“this baby” Sam visibly holds back a laugh as he holds up the kitten and Tony rolls his eyes before he heads to the elevator.

* * *

Tony enters his room quietly, he doesn't see Loki and decides that maybe he’s in the bathroom but he’s proved wrong when he turns around from locking the door and met with arms around his neck, he relaxes instantly when he notices the black hair in the corner of his eye.

He sighs and wraps his arms around Loki’s waist gently. “Are you okay?” he asks burying his face into Loki’s shoulder, he feels the man nod once and let out a shaky breath before he pulls back, Loki rests his forehead against Tony’s “if it makes you feel any better the Asgardians are defending you from Sif”

“of course she wouldn’t change her mind about me”

“why does she hate you”

“I don’t know”

“and I don’t want to think about them right now” Loki mutters leaning in slightly “distract me” he whispers and Tony smiles lightly before kissing him. He feels Loki sigh and wrap his hands around Tony’s neck, Tony bites Loki’s lip softly before pulling back and pushing the God onto the bed.

“Gladly” Tony can’t help but smile when Loki shoots up and pulls Tony down by the collar of his shirt, Tony easily straddles Loki’s hips and leans down, catching the gods lips in a hard kiss. 

When Tony licks Loki’s lips he’s flipped onto his back, Loki not breaking the kiss until he does and starts kissing up Tony’s jaw and down his neck, he feels Loki whisper something against his neck and he can’t stop the shiver at that and he feels heat throb in his dick when their clothes disappear in a yellow glow

“god that’s hot” Tony breathes out, tilting his head back and letting out a shaky breath as Loki slowly runs his hands down his chest, his feather light touch making goosebumps rise everywhere.

“you make  _ a sound-“  _ Loki sucks on a spot under the curve of his jaw and he lets out another shaky breath “and I’m stopping” he emphasizes his words by reaching in Tony’s under wear, wrapping his fingers around Tony’s already hard dick and licking over that spot he just bruised and Tony has to bite his tongue to stop the moan in his throat.

“good luck with that” Loki mumbles between kisses, making his way down Tony’s chest and not stopping the agonizing slow strokes of his hand making Tony arch into every touch of his lips.

“I’m guessing  _ silver tongue _ doesn’t come from your smart mouth?” Tony breathes out quietly so he doesn’t moan 

“oh no it does” Loki says before sucking a mark into Tony’s hip making him let out another shaky breath “but not for you” Loki continues and Tony inhales sharply feeling his dick throb again. 

* * *

Loki never left Tony’s room until the next morning and he wishes he had stayed there when he’s met with the sound Banner and Natasha arguing about whether ketchup belongs on eggs and dishes clattering together.

Loki immediately flops onto the couch, taking the empty spot beside Thor and burying his face into his hoodie, still half asleep as Tony goes to make them coffee.

“It depends on what im craving” Tony buts into Banner and Natasha’s banter “so both of you are wrong”

“Or we’re both right” Natasha says and Tony rolls his eyes but groans lightly when Natasha suddenly spins him around, grabbing his jaw and making him look to his left before she steps away with her jaw dropped.

“Whoa there tiger” he frowns, rubbing his jaw as he looks back at her, Banner has the same shocked expression, leading Bucky to investigate from behind him “what the fucks up with you guys?” He frowns when he sees Bucky’s expression drop.

“That's-” Banner stutters and points to his neck  _ “that’s a hi-”  _ Tony slaps his hand over Bruce’s mouth 

_ “Shhhh” _ he looks back at Thor briefly but he’s happily talking to Loki “shut up” he let’s go hesitantly despite the anxiety in his stomach

_ “Tony no” _ Bruce almost whines and it  _ almost _ makes Tony feel guilty

_ “Tony what the fuck” _ Natasha whispers harshly

“You can get mad at me after i’m out of here” he points a finger over his shoulder at the brothers on the couch “or else they’ll both fucking kill me” he states stealing Banners coffee and quickly getting in the elevator, he sips his coffee so nobody sees the hickey as the doors close on him.

* * *

_ “Mr. Banner, Ms. Romanoff, Loki, the boss requests your presence in the lab” _ FRIDAY speaks up, interrupting Loki and Thors conversation

“Why do you only call me Loki?” he can’t help but ask the AI

_ “Sir, I have noticed you don’t like any mention of Odin” _ Loki shrugs because that’s somewhat true. He pushes himself off the couch and heads to the elevator seeing Banner and Romanoff already waiting for him.

The elevator is quiet until the elevator stops and a split second before the doors open Banner asks “so you and Tony?”

Loki feels like his body is TV static and his heart literally stop beating; but it starts again when the doors open, he quickly steps out of the elevator and spots Tony working on something  _ “how the hell do they know?”  _ Loki yells before Tony can say anything, his face drops as he turns to them.

“I’m sure they’re smart enough to know that these-” Tony points to the purple spots on his neck “aren’t from a fucking fight” Tony snarls but quiets down when he sees Banner tense up behind Loki and Natasha.

Loki runs a hand through his hair before leaning against a desk and biting his nails, Tony must’ve picked it up from him. “Does anyone else know?” he asks lowly not looking at Natasha and Bruce 

“Bucky seen it too” Natasha answers and Tony can see that she was scared to say it and he gets it because the next second Loki’s head snaps up and Tony swears he seen his eyes turn red for a second

“He’s gonna tell Steve” he growls out, looking at Tony “how do we know that they aren’t watching us right now?” Loki points at a camera in the corner as his voice grows louder.

“I told FRIDAY to turn them off now calm down” Loki’s fists clench for a second before they relax and he runs his hands through his hair again. They watch as Loki sighs before taking a step toward Tony and without realizing he flinches back lightly.

Loki’s face drops “I’m trying to heal you” Loki states and Tony relaxes, he sees Natasha looking slightly confused and Banner smiling like he just sent his child off for their first day of school as Loki’s hand hovers over his neck and he feels his neck tingle and Tony knows that it’s healing.

“We won’t tell anyone” Bruce says, holding back his smile “I’ll tell Bucky too” he adds on and Natasha nods in agreement

“Or I can take the memory away” Loki straightens and his eyes shine for a second at the realization. 

“I’d rather not have my memories fucked with” Natasha states and Loki’s gaze hardens “I promise we won’t tell” she says lowly, trying to get her point across and Loki relaxes slightly, still holding his gaze.

“Good, now-” Tony gets up and steps around Loki, going back to the reflective panels he was working on “-I need help getting these to cover up my arc reactor and repulsors” he holds up a reflective panel as Bruce walks over to him and Nat walks back into the elevator. 

“They’re too bright?” Bruce asks and Tony hums in agreement “shine right through these stupid things” Tony states and puts the panel down.

“Wouldn’t using your repulsors break the reflective panels?” Loki questions from the side, focusing on them rather than the anxiety in his stomach and Tony nods

“can I try something?” Loki asks, stepping closer.

“Why do I have a feeling this involves magic?” Bruce looks between the two as Tony turns to face Loki 

“Because it does” Loki states before pressing his hands against Tony’s arc reactor, ignoring Tony flinch. He closes his eyes and starts whispering so quiet Tony can’t hear him.

“What’re you doing?” Tony asks when he feels a surge of energy run from head to toe.

“Shut up” Loki says before he sighs and Tony can see his eyes close tighter together as he starts whispering again. Tony looks at Banner and is met with just as much confusion as he feels, but then suddenly he flinches back, almost pushing Loki away when he feels another wave of energy and Banner stops Tony from bumping into him.

Tony takes a deep breath as the energy fades and settles into nothing, he sighs looking back up at Loki and he feels Bruce’s hand fall from his back

“I merged some of my magic with your nanobots” Loki answers and picks up a reflective panel from the table beside him “so you won’t need these” he throws it at Tony and he catches it easily “it’s not much magic, only enough for protective spells but it will last as long as your arc reactor does”

Tony blinks quickly “Wait so I can do magic now?” he breathes out and Loki shrugs before he finds a piece of paper, placing it on the table in front of them, making sure it’s sitting alone.

“Set it on fire” Loki points at it

“Like I know how to do that” Tony scoffs 

“Focus, imagine flames, embers, the heat and then say incendia” Loki tells him and Tony frowns for a second before looking at the piece of paper.

_ “Incendia” _ He closes his eyes, not wanting to see what happens. 

_ “Holy shit Tony” _ he hears Bruce almost scream and he opens his eyes to see the piece of paper on fire, turning black as the small flame eats away at it.

“You’ll use up magic but it’ll come back as your nano bots regenerate, so I don’t have to keep giving you magic”

* * *

Loki scans the avengers as the elevator doors open, Bruce went to sit on the couch not saying a word and Loki made his way to the many bottles of alcohol at the bar.

“Where’s Tony?” Steve asks, Loki shrugs and Bruce opens his mouth to say something.

_ “Boo” _ Tony suddenly shows up behind Steve, making the man almost fall out of his seat as he tries to move away from Tony. Loki lets out a small laugh as Steve looks at Tony offended but the man buries his face into the couch, trying to stop his laughter 

“Told you it works” Loki states pouring himself a drink

“I know” Tony pants “I just wanted to do that” he holds a hand to his stomach and straightens up letting out a little ‘woo’ as he sighs

“What is going on exactly?” Natasha looks between the couple then to Bruce sitting between her and Thor with a raised brow

“I gave him some of my magic”

“You  _ what?” _ Thor yells and shoots up from his seat, making almost everybody but Loki and the Asgardians flinch, Loki just took a sip of his drink before putting it down calmly.

“It’s only until he figures out how to get the suit completely invisible” Loki states, ignoring the clouds turning grey out the windows.

“That’s not what I care about” Thor snarls taking a couple steps forward  _ “you know that’s dark magic!” _ Thor yells again and it’s emphasized by a clap of thunder outside.

_ “Calm down!” _ Loki yells back and Thor's eyes start glowing blue as he makes his way over to the bar and Loki stands his ground

_ “Promise me you’ll never touch dark magic again”  _ Thor snarls as he stands a foot away from his brother now, everyone watching in fear, some ready to break up a fight “I can’t lose you again brother” Thors whispers and his eyes fade back to the brown and blue they were before.

“And you won’t” Loki says, breaking the moment and picking up his drink. The clouds clear up outside.

“Why the hell are you so scared of dark magic?” Steve asks and Loki looks like he was about to stop him from asking but then he just sighs, taking another sip of his drink.

“If someone uses dark magic too much it’ll consume them” Thor says and Steve looks nauseous “it gets in your heart and poisons your mind” he says eyeing Loki, looking for any change.

“And you weren’t going to say anything about that?” Banner frowns at Loki and the man just pours himself another drink.

“Nope” he takes a sip of his drink watching Banner deflate “because now you all are going to be paranoid” he states bringing his drink down

“You really have gone mad” Sif sighs resting her head in her hands and Loki has to stop himself from throwing his drink at her fucking head “i remember you preaching about how strong dark magic is” she snaps her head up to look at him  _ “now you’re using it?” _ she points at him briefly with a frown.

“Careful Sif” he picks up his drink and walks towards the elevator “might start to think you actually care about me” he turns away from her, but Thor suddenly pulls him back.

“Shut up” Sif spits as Thor turns him around and pushes him towards the couch “we’re not done talking about this” he spits in Loki’s ear. 

Loki flops down in Thors previous spot with a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose 

“You don’t feel any different?” Thor asks as the Asgardians scan him

“I feel fine” he doesn’t move his hand from his face 

“No sudden rage at any of us?” Volstagg buts in

“I kinda want to stab you right now” Loki drops his hand and looks at Thor as he sits on the arm of Sif’s chair “but that’s a daily thing for me” he smiles for a second before dropping it and rolling his eyes

“What happens when dark magic consumes someone?” Tony asks, his voice slightly muffled from his knuckles pressed against his mouth

“It allows them to break the laws of natural magic because it’s not monitored by nature and the spirits, It’s not even considered magic because it expands beyond the limitations of witchcraft” Loki stays calm as Thor finishes

“If it consumes me,  _ which it won’t” _ Loki says and glares at Thor “it’ll bend my perception of right and wrong and make me violent” he shrugs and takes a sip of his drink “like the tesseract” he says with a sigh bringing his cup down from his lips.

“Can you stop trying to joke about this?” Steve frowns at Loki and he rubs his face, he really can’t stand Steve.

“You’ve used it twice already, that’s enough for it to take over Loki” Thor says lowly and everyone frowns.

“Twice?” Wanda asks from her spot beside Vision on the couch in front of the bar. 

“The spell I used on Suna was dark magic” Loki keeps his forehead pressed to his palm “that’s why we went to purgatory” he points at Tony but looks away quickly seeing the pain in his eyes “nature was mad at me for using dark magic, not because I used my heart for the spell”

“Okay, Scott, Wanda, Vision, Peter, Sam, Bucky and Steve, Go home” Tony states, crossing his arms around his chest “anyone that actually has a place to stay other than here, go there” he commands as he sees the said people frown. 

“We probably need you” Thor states pointing at Strange who sighs with an eye roll

“This isn’t necessary” Loki blurts as people start to get up, some heading to their rooms or to the elevator and stairs to go to their rooms. 

“We don’t know if this will consume you and we aren’t taking chances” Thor glares and Loki knows he isn’t going to win this. 

“fine” he huffs getting up “i’ll be in my room” he states and disappears in a glow of green.

“He acts strong but trust me” Thor says getting Tony, Strange, Nat and the rest of the Asgardians attention “he’s just as scared as us” his voice cracks slightly and Sif places a hand on his arm.

“How do we know if it’s happening like is there signs?” Natasha asks and Tony goes to the bar.

“Losing control of his magic, sudden bursts of anger and doing things he usually wouldn’t do” Fandral says, saving Thor the trouble of trying to control himself and swallow the lump in his throat.


	11. I won’t take anyone down if I fall tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dark loki

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from devil in me by halsey

as expected, Tony never came to see Loki and Loki was too scared to go and see him, he knew Tony would yell at him for lying but that wasn’t why he didn’t want to see him, Loki seen how scared Tony was as Thor was telling them about dark magic, he didn’t want to see Tony like that again and especially because of him.

But he did, as soon as he walked out of the elevator and into the living room Tony was poring a cup of coffee and giving him that look that made Loki want to turn back around. Loki didn’t blame him, Morgan couldn’t come back to the tower because of him.

He ignored everyone’s good mornings and flopped onto the couch beside his brother “how do you feel?” Thor says quietly and Loki groans “and don’t lie to me” Thor continues when Loki looks at him.

“I’m fine Thor” he grumbles as he watches Natasha take a seat on an arm chair across from them

“you look tired” Thor says and Loki wants to smack him, but he distracts himself by watching Banner take a seat next to Nat.

“couldn’t fall asleep” he resists the urge to look at Tony as he makes his way over to the living area and Loki notices he’s holding two mugs

“why?” He sees Thor start thinking the worst and Loki rolls his eyes

“Thor stop it” he turns to take a mug from Tony as he holds it out and Tony ignores his thank you as he takes a seat on the couch in front of the bar.

“you promise to tell me if you feel any differently?” Thor asks when Loki looks back at him while sipping on his coffee and his brother nods as he drinks the hot liquid.

“I promise” Thor smiles at that, knowing Loki doesn’t break a promise.

“okay good well-“ he slaps a hand on Loki’s knee, giving it a light squeeze as he stands and heads to the elevator “-i’m going to show these guys the training room” he points at Sif and the warriors three following him. 

“so you lied to me about this black magic shit for a year?” Tony asks as soon as the doors close on the Asgardians. This is exactly the conversation Loki didn’t want to have, fuck he’d rather talk about their relationship than this.

“oh please don’t start so early” Loki groans pinching the bridge of his nose “and no I didn’t lie to you, I told you it was dark magic back then” 

“yeah leaving out the part that we were sent to purgatory because of it and that it can consume you” Tony almost yells and he completely forgets about his two friends sitting to his right 

“can we not do this in front of the-“ Loki starts to point at Nat and Banner

“no, we’re going to,  _ because they’re in danger too and deserve to know this shit” _ Tony ignores Loki’s scowl grow as his voice raises  _ “how the hell am I supposed to trust you after this?” _

Loki’s scowl drops, his mouth falls open slightly as he blinks a couple times “To-“

“No seriously Loki, you lied about this for over  _ a year _ ” Tony’s voice shakes as he starts yelling 

“Tony-“ Loki tries again

_ “Almost two years Loki”  _ Tony feels his throat burn slightly from how loud he is

“Tony pl-“ Loki tries  _ again _

_ “tell me how can i trust you knowing you can do this?” _

_ “Listen to me for a fucking minute”  _ Loki yells and the lightbulbs in the lamps nearby explode making them all flinch, making Tony calm down and Loki realize that he did that, Loki made the lightbulbs bust without trying. 

Loki gulps as he makes eye contact with Nat and she looks  _ scared _ , Loki’s never seen her scared before, Banner looks around at the glass on the table between him and Nat; Loki can’t look at Tony, he knows he’ll see that look again.

“using it once doesn’t give it enough power to take over so I didn't need to tell you” Loki rubs his forehead and continues “I didn’t figure it out until you were gone and the next time I saw you I was fucking insane so I kind of forgot to tell you” he spares a look at tony and yep, the look is there, that look full of pain that makes Loki want to throw himself out the window.

When nobody says anything Loki vanishes in that familiar shade of green, Tony sighs and walks into the elevator without a word.

“Loki’s never going to admit he’s losing it” Natasha says putting down her cup of coffee, a piece of glass causing it to sit lopsided.

“they’re both stubborn, Tony won’t stop trying to help and Loki won’t stop fighting against the magic” Bruce tells her with a hand on her shoulder and Natasha sighs, she hopes Bruce is right, she hopes they can find a way to help Loki, she hopes Loki is strong enough.

* * *

“Is it just the dark magic?” Tony says without hesitation as soon as Loki’s door opens and Loki spins around, staring him down with a frown.

“what?” Loki frowns harder

“do you really like me or is it just the dark magic?” Tony knows he shouldn’t have asked that when Loki’s jaw drops and his eyes water over

“Is that what you think of me?” Loki’s voice shakes and his chest heaves. He opened up to Tony, let Tony see him at his worst, told him his past,  _ he let Tony in and Loki doesn’t do that _ .

“I don’t know what to think Loki” Tony feels his own eyes water as his nose sting “dark magic has been in you for almost two years so how do I know any of this was real?”

“Dark magic doesn’t know love, happiness or anything like that, so it can’t make somebody feel those things”

Tony doesn’t believe him, he could just be saying what Tony wants to hear because Loki is smart, he knows people, he knows their wants and fears and then he twists it to get what he wants, but Tony doesn’t know that Loki anymore, the Loki he knows is sincere, snarky, an asshole but he’ll do anything to keep them all safe. There lies the problem, Tony doesn’t know if that Loki was real or if the one in front of him is real.

Tony was quiet for too long “fine” Loki huffs spinning back around and investigating the pages of a spellbook 

“Lokes-“

“Get out Stark”

“Loki ple-“

_ “Stark” _ Loki’s voice is so cold Tony literally stops breathing  _ “get out now” _

* * *

Neither of them could sleep, Tony got too used to the sound of Loki’s heartbeat and Loki got too used to the sound of Tony’s breathing. Loki tried to use a spell to mimic the sound of his breath but it wasn’t the same unless Tony was there, his head on Loki’s chest, his hand absently trying to find Loki’s in the night and his leg hooked over Loki’s own leg. 

That’s what he needed, that’s what kept him calm enough to fall asleep but he got the exact opposite in his cell. He got cold emptiness wherever he reached around his bed and the sound of the AC pumping air into the room

“where’s the Guardians?” Loki asks lifting his head from where he’s lying on the couch, he only slept a couple hours so his body was begging him to go back to sleep, it would fade soon though

“went off to space somewhere, never said why” Bruce shrugs as he steals Tony’s coffee, he smirks at Tony’s frown and sits on the couch beside Loki’s.

Loki lays back down with a hum “good less people for me to deal with” he says laying his arm over his eyes but then looks back up at Fandral and Hogun on the armchairs across from him “when are you guys going home?”

“we were going to go home yesterday but now you’re at risk of being consumed by dark magic” Fandral says as he leans back in his chair and Loki frowns because he seems to actually care

Loki plops back down with a loud groan, pressing his palms into his eyes so hard he sees white and green spots when he opens them again, he spent a thousand years with them and he hates spending more time than needed around them, they’re annoying and he’s always tired around them from keeping up the facade.

“did Strange find anything?” Loki looks up at Bruce eating a piece of bacon “the faster the better these bitches are annoying” Loki finishes and points a finger at Fandral and Hogun, despite the fact that Hogun barely talks.

“it’s scary how much you took to these Midgardians” Volstagg offers lightheartedly as he sits beside Fandral in another armchair 

“just because I am fond of their brutal honesty doesn’t mean I am taking well” Loki tells Volstagg and then back to Bruce “did Strange find anything?”

“not that I know of but he found something saying what happens as it takes over”

“We already know all of that” Loki gets comfortable on the couch again 

“But we don’t” Bruce states as Loki turns on his side and Loki sees Tony walk by and a second later he feels the couch dip under his leg.

He looks down and Tony lifts his outstretched leg so he doesn’t have to sit at the very end of the couch and places it in his lap, Loki doesn’t hide his sigh as he gets comfy again, hopefully they didn’t notice the agony behind it

Nat takes the spot beside Bruce with a bottle of water in her hand “when is he going to go over it with us?” She asks and Bruce shrugs “soon” he says and sips his coffee.

“FRIDAY, call the wizard up here” Tony says looking at the ceiling as she hums her usual  _ yes sir _ . “I don’t get how you guys don’t know how to deal with this” Tony sighs and takes a sip of his coffee as he looks at Loki and the other Asgardians “you know so much about what it can do to a person but don’t know how to stop it?”

“No one’s been dumb enough to use dark magic” Sif shrugs stepping out of the elevator with Thor and Strange “Loki’s a first” she says going to the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water with a scowl “plastic is so useless” she mumbles and opens it, no one pays attention to her as she takes a seat beside Hogun, Thor sits beside Nat and Strange stays standing, leaning against an armchair instead of sitting. 

“if he’s the first then how do you know all this?” Tony frowns at Sif but Loki sighs.

“Guess we don’t need you right now” Loki nods to Strange and grunts as he sits up “it happened almost 5 thousand years ago, when Odin was young” Loki sees Thor frown slightly when he doesn’t call Odin father

“A womans baby was sick so she gave her baby some magic to keep her healthy, but something went wrong and the magic was too much and the baby passed, she was a wreck from the grief, sudden bursts of anger, losing control, not acting herself” he sighs and continues not looking at anybody as he picks at his palm “her family said it got worse until one day she was saying the rudest shit, didn’t care about anybody at all and just was being an all around dick and then her sister had a baby” Loki hears Tony take a sharp inhale beside him “she was so jealous she killed her sister and her baby and when she was on trial the real her burst through, apologizing and crying, saying she didn’t want to do it and no matter how hard she tried to stop herself the other one was stronger. She killed everyone in the room without flinching so Bor had no choice but to kill her too, she was too strong” 

“but that’s not happening this time right?” Loki hears Tony’s voice shake and Loki feels like somebody is squeezing his heart.

“we’re looking for something to help him Stark” Thor sighs and Loki could tell he’s trying his hardest to keep it together, the grip around his heart gets tighter 

“what about your mom?” Bruce speaks up and everyone suddenly looks at him “dark magic lets you break the laws of nature so you can talk to her spirit and ask her what we can do” 

“If he does it will allow the dark magic to grow” Hogun says harshly and Loki sees Banner tense 

“wait” Tony stops and frowns at Loki, Loki can feel his heart drop “you said you talked to your mother during Ragnarok” he says quietly and Loki wants to disappear, he wants to knock himself out for ever mentioning that. 

“so you used dark magic  _ three times?!”  _ Thor breaks, his hands balling into fists “no, we can't do this” Thor shakes his head so fast it makes Tony dizzy “we can’t let the magic get stronger” Thor almost growls

“well do we have any other ideas?” Nat buts in, looking at the Asgardians but no one agrees, no shake of the head or even a shrug. Thor growls and sits back down.

“Valhalla and Hel was destroyed, how are you supposed to talk to her?” Tony says placing a hand on Loki’s knee without realizing and Loki instantly moves his knee away.

“there’s always a backup for the dead, I don’t know if another plane for souls was created but there’s always a place for the dead” Loki then gets up from the couch “I hope you got a shit ton of salt”

* * *

Tony bites his nails as he watches Loki get ready to do the spell, He poured a giant circle of salt in front of the TV, 12 candles surrounding the circle and 6 lining the inside “Thor” Loki waves him over from his spot on the armchair “I need you to be my life link” His brother frowns at that and Loki continues “I don’t want to use my dark magic anymore than I am brother” Thor gets up instantly, hesitantly stepping past the candles and circle of salt.

“what do I have to do?” Thor asks holding his hands out to his brother in which he replies “just don’t let go of my hand, no matter what” Thor nods his brow furrowing slightly as Loki closes his eyes and takes his hands. 

_ “préserver a la vie nu” _ Loki sighs and Thor flinches lightly as he feels Loki’s grip tighten, then he lets out another sigh, his grip almost slipping from Thor’s as his body goes limp.

No one has ever seen Thor move so fast in the years they knew him, he dropped to his knees and wrapped a hand around Loki’s shoulders, supporting his body as he dropped to the ground and the candle flames around them grew in a second, making Natasha pull Tony back before it could burn his leg.

“Loki!” Thor snarls shaking him lightly “brother, hey” he shakes him harder again, pressing his ear to his brothers chest, Thors breathing picks up as he doesn't hear a heartbeat  _ “Loki?” _ he shakes his brother again and this time Loki sits up abruptly with a gasp. The flames die down as Loki pushes out of Thor’s hold, breathing hard and sweating. No one says anything as Loki lets out a harsh sigh, laying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Strange” he says suddenly and looks up at the man standing behind Thor “you think you can ask your other mystic arts friends for a favour?” Strange frowns and crosses his arms 

“depends on what it is”

Loki groans and sits up, he waves his hands and all the candles go out “my mother said we need 12 sorcerers or witches for the spell” his gaze shifts to Fandral “where’s the spellbooks you got from Asgard yesterday?” Fandral frowns at that, his mouth agape “my mother told me now go get them” Loki says before Fandral can even ask how he knew. Loki gets up from the floor as Fandral heads to the elevator 

“What’d mother say?” Thor asks as he rises from the floor watching Strange open one of his portals and step through 

“We can't do the spell here, all the magic will tear the compound apart” he whips around as the elevator and Fandral walks back in with some thick ass books.

Loki picks up the first book and hovers his hand over it making the page flip open. He puts the book down on the couch armrest letting Thor and everyone else look at it, he points to one page full of writing they can't understand but there's a drawing that makes Tony feel sick.

A circle of people surrounding two others, one lying on the ground and the other with their hands pressed to the person's head, a candle beside each person.

A portal opens as they look up at Loki from the book. Wong and Strange step through and get right to it “they won’t do it until they see the spell” Strange states and Loki gives him the book without a question.

“Hi Wong” Tony says happily as Strange nods at Loki and Wong nods at Tony before he opens another portal. 

“well they’ve got a lot to say” Tony adds when they step back through before turning and looking at the circle of salt “how the hell are you going to clean this all up?”

Loki simply waves a hand and the salt disappears in that green glow “like that” 

* * *

_ “Mr. Odinson, Loki is requesting your presence” _ FRIDAY speaks up and Thor frowns, deciding to go see what his brother wants he gets up and heads to the elevator, pressing the button to go a couple floors down.

he turns to the left and down a small hallway, leading to Loki’s room.

“brother?” he pops his head into Loki’s room and finds it empty “Loki?” he straightens with a frown as she scans the room. Loki was just there because his boots and sweater is forgotten on the floor by his bed. 

“in the bathroom” he hears Loki’s muffled voice from inside the room, coming from the door to the bathroom.

He walks over and just as he’s about to grab the doorknob Loki opens the door, he stands there shirtless, stray pieces of hair littering his chest and shoulders as he holds out a pair of scissors to Thor “I can’t get the back” Loki states and Thor smiles.

Loki never liked others cutting his hair, since they were 14 Loki always cut his hair by himself, Frigga would help him if needed but eventually she started to try and convince him to let the servants do it. Loki didn’t like depending on their servants, he was independent and he hated the fact that the servants literally lived to serve him, he believes they have a bigger purpose in life other than to bring him mead and help him in something as little as a haircut, so Loki started asking Thor for help, the only other person Loki truly trusted.

“you know they have people who do this for a job” Thor tells him as he steps into the bathroom, Loki turns to face the mirror with a shrug and doesn’t watch as Thor stands behind him.

“why would I pay to get it done when I could do it here for free” Loki says as he feels Thor grab a strand of hair from the nape of his neck.

“get out of the Tower, explore” Thor tells him and Loki hears the scissors snip through his hair.

“Like I would be allowed to” Loki states as Thor uses his fingers to lightly brush the back of his hair, making sure the piece he cut isn’t too short or too long.

“If I was with you i’m sure they’d allow it” Thor says hopefully and Loki resists the urge to watch Thor through the mirror in front of him

_ snip _

“they would” Loki says harshly tilting his head towards the ceiling, ignoring Thor’s grumble as he checks the length of his hair again “what about SHIELD?” 

“this is kind of short don’t you think brother?” Thor asks instead, seeing as Loki’s hair barely travels past his neck, but Thor continues anyways.

_ snip _

“you said that last time” Loki spits back. Remembering the last time Thor cut his hair, a couple weeks before Thor’s coronation, his brother said the exact same thing, the only difference is that last time Loki was sitting down. 

“not going to lie but it suits you” Thor says and Loki has to resist the urge to lean back into Thor's touch when he threads his fingers through Loki’s hair “but isn’t it hard to style, since your hair curls?”

“I don’t care about that, no one to look good for other than myself” Loki states with a shrug and feels a chunk of hair slide down his back

_ snip _

“That should suffice” Thor states after running his fingers through Loki’s hair again, comparing the length to the hair Loki already cut “if you’re unhappy with it, I’ll be happy to fix my mistakes” Thor continues as he reaches around Loki and places the scissors on the counter.

Thor ignores the warmth settling in his stomach when Loki smiles at him softly with a small “thank you” as Thor walks away.

* * *

“well aren’t you a little ray of blackness” Bruce says happy as he and Loki make eye contact and the latter snarls, turning so that he’s laying on his other side and facing the backrest of the couch. 

“fuck off Bruce” Loki’s voice is muffled as he presses his face into the cushions. He doesn’t know why he got out of bed.

“your hair is short” Bruce states and Loki hears him by the couch behind him “did you cut it yourself?” Bruce’s voice is slurred, but Loki can hear the curiosity

“that’s what he needed my help with last night” he hears Thor from the kitchen

“you still don’t trust people cutting your hair?” Sif blurts and he sighs loudly

“I don’t like people touching me” he corrects

“why?” 

“fuck off Sif”

“No seriously I want to know”

“and you’re never going to” Loki states as he sits up and turns to sit on the couch properly “you’re the last person I trust”

“does Mr.Stark know?” Sif asks when her gaze lands on Tony as he walks over 

“yes” Loki lies taking the extra coffee cup from Tony before Tony flops down beside him and Loki moves over slightly so their thighs aren’t touching.

“If you think you can manipulate me into telling you, you can’t” Tony states with a smile and doesn’t take his eyes off of her until she leans back into her chair with a huff, giving up.

“I understand your birthday is soon Mr.Stark” Volstagg butts in from beside Sif “are you going to be performing Loki?” Volstagg adds when Tony nods

“no” Loki says without missing a beat and Tony frowns when the Asgardians look  _ sad _ .

“oh come on Loki I haven’t heard you play in almost 50 years” Fandral pleads desperately, Loki was good from what Tony heard in purgatory but the sheer admiration in the Asgardians tells Tony that he hasn’t seen Loki even trying.

“how about I play at your life celebrations?” Loki smiles 

“Play?” Natasha buts in “play what?”

“piano, guitar, harp and violin” Thor lists off the instruments as he takes a seat on a barstool behind the couch Fandral is on.

“I only heard you play piano” Tony spits looking between Thor and Loki. Loki’s face drops before he starts to glare at Tony.

“you heard me play?” 

“yeah i love OneRepublic by the way” Tony smiles trying to ease the tension between them

“anyways what do you want for your birthday?” Bruce asks, sensing that Loki was about to go off on Tony

“a bible” Tony says instantly as he takes a sip of his coffee “I need as much of God’s help as I can get”

“is that my shirt?” Loki frowns noticing Natasha wearing a dark green long sleeve and it looks like the one he was looking for this morning 

she frowns back and looks down at the shirt “I don’t know it was the first one I seen in the clean laundry”

“do you do this all the time?”

“yeah she does” Tony butts in

* * *

The day after they found out about the dark magic Tony moved everyone and everything to the compound, if Loki lost control he couldn’t risk Loki damaging the tower thus damaging the city below, thank god he did because they started arguing and Tony doesn’t remember  _ why. _

“how the hell is everything about you?”

“No one else has put me first so  _ I’m sorry _ for doing something for myself for once” Loki snarls.

“how is this-“

_ “the magic is to protect you when I can’t!” _ Loki yells.

“I’m sorry i’m human” Tony grumbles, his heart beating faster and Loki sighs heavily rolling his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose

“that’s not what I mean”

“then what do you mean?” Tony raises a brow

Loki’s gaze flutters to his brother and the asgardians behind Tony “you can’t make me say it” he utters 

Instead of replying Tony takes a step forward and Loki’s eyes go wide for a split second“get the fuck off of me” Loki snarls pushing Tony back before he could try and kiss Loki.

“just admit it” Tony whispers “come on Lokes”

Loki steps back and turns away from him “we’re nothing but a giant fucking mistake” Loki spits as he pours himself a drink.

“I should’ve fucking left you in purgatory” Tony grumbles turning around and walking away, his bones burning and he swears there’s smoke coming out of his ears.

He hears footsteps and turns back around to see Thor and Fandral holding Loki back, Fandral tugging on one arm and Thor has his arms around Loki’s chest, pulling him back.

Then Tony realizes what he said. He remembers how broken Loki was when they got him back and he hates himself.

“send me back then” Loki growls “kill me and send me back if you regret it so much”

Tony frowns and Loki growls again, he clenches his fist and Thor drops to his knees, holding his head and groaning in pain but Loki ignores him instead Loki flips Fandral over his shoulder onto his back making a dent in the floor.

Tony’s frozen as Loki walks up to him, ignoring Thor groan “brother”, begging Loki to stop setting his brain on fire.

“Loki stop” Tony says his gaze trained on Thor in worry but Loki gets his attention again when he feels something heavy in his hands and he looks down to find a black and green dagger in his hand, Tony ignores it “you’re hurting Thor” he says and he swears he sees Loki’s eyes go red in anger.

“Kill me so I’ll stop” Loki says lowly, Thor yelling in pain and a lightbulb breaking in the lamp beside them 

“Loki you’re scaring me” Tony whispers and backs away 

_ “you regret bringing me back, I’m nothing but a burden so kill me!” _ Loki roars, the lightbulbs above them and the lightbulbs in the kitchen exploding, making Nat and Steve flinch  _ “kill me just like you killed Yinsen” _ Loki continues 

“Loki stop” Thor chokes out from his spot on the floor behind Loki, yelling again his face scrunched up as he holds his head

“Lokes” Tony breathes out, he doesn’t know what to do and he can’t do anything because the next second he’s on his back and stopping Loki from stabbing the dagger in his hands into his throat.

His arms shake with the effort but it’s no use “either you die or you kill me” Loki spits and Tony feels something cold press against that hollow spot between his collarbones. Only then does his dumbass realize this is the dark magic, this isn’t Loki.

“you don’t want to do this” 

Tony can see Steve and Nat getting closer in the corner of his eye “Loki get-“ Steve starts to say but he stops abruptly, his hands flying to his head and he’s in the same condition as Thor, a groaning mess on the floor. Natasha though she simply just drops, a sleeping spell, he hears Bucky yelling in pain somewhere but he can only focus on the cold metal digging into his skin.

“Loki  _ please” _ Tony’s voice breaks and he sees Loki’s expression drop, Loki quickly pulls back, pushing himself back until he hits the back of the couch and he almost throws the dagger across the room. 

He looks at Tony, Nat, Steve and Thor with wide eyes and doesn’t say anything as he watches Tony catch his breath, he looks at the glass on the floor beside him and feels his jaw shake. “I didn’t-“ He whispers looking at Steve and Thor slowly getting off the floor, he gulps as he makes eye contact with Thor “I’m sorry” and Thor doesn’t say anything, just scans his brother shaking against the couch.

Loki’s eyebrows knit together as he looks back to Tony and sees a drop of blood where he was pressing the dagger into his throat, he gulps again and looks back at Thor “you have to lock me up” he says lowly and Thor looks like he wants to cry.

Neither of them say anything and Loki doesn’t look at Tony as he sits up. “you don’t have to tell me twice” Steve says, moving from where he was checking on Natasha and helping Loki up and walking into the elevator.

* * *

Loki was up all night, beating himself up over hurting his brother  _ again _ and almost killing tony, until the hallway through the interrogation glass lit up as the sun rose, he laid there with his arm over his eyes until he heard the door slide open, revealing his brother, the second man he wanted to see.

“Strange made this” he holds up a black see through water bottle, the contents were thick and purple, Loki could see little black dots of something throughout it “It’s blackberries, blueberries, sage and rosemary” Thor throws the bottle into the bed before making his way over

“sage and rosemary for cleansing” Loki states picking up the bottle and looking at it “you can’t buy sage” Loki states with a frown as he opens the bottle and sniffs it, smells like berries and sage. 

“Clint has a friend named Maya, she’s native so her family offered to gift us some” Thor shrugs as he takes a seat at the end of his bed “It should suppress the magic from coming through for a while” he watches as Loki looks between him and the drink.

Loki sends it and ends up chugging half of it back in one go, he pulls it back with a grimace and a groan “sage and rosemary together” he gulps and almost gags “not good”

Thor doesn’t acknowledge his reaction “you can come out of here but if the magic breaks through they’re going to keep you in here” Thor says sadly but Loki feels his heart lighten, Thor may hate that they have to lock him up but Loki didn't mind if that means everyone is safe, he was just glad he didn’t have to be bored in that room all day.

“well let’s go” He sees Thor smile lightly at that before he gets up and Loki follows him down the hall into the elevator. They don’t speak as the elevator takes them to the common floor or whatever you like to call it.

Loki sees Tony’s head snap up as soon as the elevator doors open and Loki makes his way over to the coffee, making sure to not make contact with Tony.

“the smoothie worked?” He hears Strange ask from one of the couches.

As he takes a cup from the dishrack and steps beside Tony he hears Tony gulp as Loki pours his own coffee “there’s no voice growling at me to be an asshole so yep” he answers, ignoring the guilt setting his organs on fire and doesn’t take his attention off his coffee as he pours in cream and sugar.

“the rest of the Avengers are coming in today for a meeting” Tony suddenly tells him “letting you know so you can mentally prepare yourself” Tony adds walking away and rolling over the couch to sit on it, keeping his mug raised so he doesn’t spill it 

* * *

Loki sat beside Bruce and Thor at a long ass table filled with other Avengers, Strange’s friends lined the right wall, the Guardians standing beside the door and some other people he couldn’t care for stood by “even if we do it outside the compound it could still wreck it” Loki tells Fury as he leans against the table more and his glare hardens “can't do it at the lake house, to many flammable materials” Loki continues

“so what the fucking desert?” Fury says loudly and Loki ignores that voice in the back of his head  _ a flick of your wrist and he’ll be dead _

“what about where Mjolnir fell?” Clint buts in, picking at his hearing aid, his hearing started to slowly fade after the battle with 2014 Thanos, he could still hear but it was just mumbling according to Clint so Tony made custom hearing aids.

“wow arrow man is actually useful” Loki raises his eyebrows and rolls his eyes when Clint starts glaring “that could work but it's far, if you guys need back up I’d be long gone by the time they got there”

“Then we make sure we don’t need it” Steve says and Loki wants to throw something at him, he was too optimistic, expected everything to run smoothly and it was annoying. 

“without dark magic I could take you all out” Loki states lowly “with dark magic I could probably kill you all without flinching so you’re going to need a lot of reinforcements” 

“well we have Danvers and them to help” Steve speaks up again and points to Strange and his company 

“you absorb power, yes?” Loki looks at Danvers leaning on the wall beside Fury, she nods, her expression hard and emotionless “If you control the ability to absorb power, the dark magic could trigger that and go into you” he sees her take a deep breath “if that happens the dark magic could learn to absorb power on it’s own and-” 

“-it’ll absorb enough power until it can become its own person” Strange finishes

Loki nods “then your world or any other world would be fucked” he sees Fury frown “dark energy is so malicious that it would demolish this world and the nine realms, so you-“ he points at Carol beside Fury “- should stay far away from me” he finishes and she nods going back to leaning against the wall.

“okay we’ll set up tonight” Fury says with a nod “we’ll be there, waiting for you all tomorrow” he nods towards the door and Carol follows him out. 

“how do we know this will work?” Vision suddenly asks and Loki shrugs with a sigh 

“we don’t know but it’s the best chance we’ve got” 

* * *

Loki wasn’t the same the next day. Thor never felt such darkness before and he knew right away that it happened. The dark magic fully consumed him, it must’ve done it while he was sleeping because if Loki was conscious he would have never let it win. 

“you really think that he’s strong enough” the thing pretending to be Loki snarls at Thor, but he doesn’t show a reaction because that’s exactly what it wants. “happiness and selflessness bring him nothing but pain, so how would he be strong enough if i'm everything that gives him strength?”

Thor scans the thing snarling at him through the window “we’re the god of mischief remember?” the thing smirks and Thor feels his heart clench, still not showing emotion.

“God of Mischief is a second choice remember?” Thor spits and the thing deflates slightly before it composes itself and spits back “let’s see who wins then” it raises its hands and looks at Strange beside Thor, telling Strange to restrain him “love or mischief” the thing smiles as a golden glow of cuffs wrap around his wrists, Strange’s magic, Thor walks down the hall and heads down a turn off to the left, to the things door.

It opens and the thing makes his way over, Thor immediately snaps on the anti-magic bracelets from before around it’s wrists below the magical cuffs and pulls him out to the elevator, Thor keeps his hand wraps around the things arm the whole elevator ride up until he’s pushing the thing out into the common room. 

Everyone headed out on early flights or they flew themselves to New Mexico, all Strange had to do was open a portal and when they stepped through they were at the crater where Mjolnir landed many years ago. Thor has to fight his smirk when he sees the things eyes dart around and grow slightly wider when it spots Tony in the suit, landing a couple feet from the crater to their left. 

Sorcerers lined the inside of the crater, a small fire beside each of them, the rest of the avengers on stand by surrounding the crater and hundreds of SHIELD agents covering the perimeter up to a mile out.

Thor ignores Strange as he steps down into the crater making his way to the center by the biggest fire.

“Thor?” he feels his heart start beating faster as he notices the softness of Loki’s voice, he fights the urge to cry as he looks at his brother who is looking at all the sorcerers “no matter how much pain i’m in don’t let them stop” he says and heads down the crater, following Strange. 

Thor stays put as Loki and Strange get to the center, he watches as Strange guides Loki to lay down, before the same glow is wrapped around Loki’s wrist, ankles and waist. Thor ignores his gut twist when Loki tenses up for a moment. It was probably too similar to Thanos, to the chitauri and the other. He decides he’s not wrong for worrying about that when he sees Gamora look away.

“get ready” Strange announces, looking around at the other sorcerers before he presses his hands to Loki’s head 

_ “Phasmatos tribum nos ex viris, purgo animum suo pura obscurus” _ he hears Strange start chanting making the dozens of fires grow and the wind pick up around them, blowing dirt along the ground

“ _ Phasmatos, repellus tantium malum, scanum animum an par vas” _ Loki’s eyes snap open and they’re completely black. Thor has to stop himself from stopping Strange as Loki suddenly starts yelling in pain. He sees a couple other people wince as Loki yells so fucking loud it makes Thors ears hurt  _ “stop please” _ he hears Loki sob and he has to convince himself it’s the dark magic talking. 

_ “he’s fighting back”  _ Strange yells looking around at the other sorcerers 

_ “Phasmatos tribum nos ex viris. Purgo animum suo pura obscurus”  _ the chanting grows louder as the other eleven sorcerers join in and Thor feels like shit when another scream rips itself from Loki’s throat

_ “Phasmatos, repellus tantium malum, scanum animum an par vas”  _ The sorcerers all start chanting louder and louder, drowning out Loki’s screams of pain.

_ “I’m going to rip your head off” _ the thing snarls at Strange above him but before it can continue with threats it lets out another scream, with this scream though, blood starts running down it’s face, from it’s eyes nose and mouth. 

_ “Is this supposed to happen?”  _ Tony yells and Thor looks over to make eye contact, he shakes his head with a gulp as his heart beats so hard that it hurts “I don’t know” 

Tony takes off a lands a foot away from Strange, Thor follows despite Wanda and Clint yelling at them for being stupid.

“Is it working?” Tony asks after Strange stops the next chant and looks at them, “I don’t know” he answers honestly.

“Mischief one” the thing states before making eye contact with Tony, the black eyes making him nauseous “he can still hear you, he just can’t pull through enough to control us” the thing pants, catching it’s breath and looks at Thor “why not test how strong love is, go on Tony tell Loki how much you love him” the thing looks back at Tony and smirks when he can see Thor freeze “I’m sure it’ll motivate him”

“I love him, he knows I believe in him and I know that he is strong enough” Tony states harshly “so fuck you and what you think you know because you’re nothing but everything that makes him weak” Tony bends onto one knee so he can spit in the things face “without Loki you’re nothing” the thing blinks and the black eyes fade back to that beautiful blue before snapping back to black.

“love one” Tony smirks and takes off, ignoring the thing snarl  _ “I’m going to rip your heart out in your sleep”  _ as he lands back in his spot near Clint and Wanda, ignoring their frowns as they look between Loki and him.

“would you like me to continue?” Strange asks and Thor nods  _ “no” _ the thing snarls and glares at Strange before Thor goes back to his own spot.

“don’t stop no matter what” Thor yells once he’s outside of the crater and Strange nods. He places his hands back on Loki’s head despite the thing trying to squirm away.

_ “Phasmatos tribum nos ex viris” _ The thing screams again, pulling against it’s restraints as the other sorcerers join in  _ “Purgo animum suo pura obscurus”  _ they all ignore it as more blood comes from Loki, or the thing’s nose, eyes and ears 

_ “Phasmatos”  _ the wind picks up as Loki’s scream becomes louder, pulling against the restraints harder “ _ repellus tantium malum, scanum animum an par vas” _ he sees Wanda and Sam shiver as the temperature starts to drop around them 

_ “Stop stop stop please it hurts”  _ the thing sobs and Thor ignores his gut clench seeing a tear fall because the thing can fake emotions well, Thor knows that Loki would tell them to keep going, or Thor convinces himself of that. 

_ “Phasmatos tribum nos ex viris” _ he notices the things yelling is getting quieter, it must be getting tired “ _ Purgo animum suo pura obscurus” _ but god he was wrong because it’ starts yelling and screaming again, louder than before and Thor winces because he’s only heard Loki scream like that through a recording, the video of Thanos burning Loki. 

_ “Phasmatos, repellus tantium malum” _ he sees Strange’s nose start to bleed but then the sorcerers around them start to grow quiet _ “scanum animum an par vas” _ Strange finishes and lets go of Loki when he slumps into the ground, his breathing evens out and the twist in Thor’s gut fades. 

Thor doesn’t wait for an okay from Strange, he doesn’t wait for anyone to say or do anything as he rushes over to his brother passed out in front of Strange. He drops to his knees as Strange undoes the restraints and stops Thor before he touches him “I have to check for any remaining magic” he pushes Thor back lightly and he listens.

He stands back and watches as a sheet of gold covers Loki, the small designs in Strange’s magic caught his attention as small lines and circles darted over Loki’s body, hovering over some spots more than other places. “He’s okay” Strange nods to himself as he stops “he’ll probably be out for a couple days” 

* * *

Loki’s head fucking hurt, his throat itches, all his muscles are sore and his head throbs in time with his heartbeat. He pries open one eye just to snap it shut again, there’s a light beside his bed that makes his eyes water from the intensity. He tries to turn his head away but the muscles in his neck and shoulders scream at him to stop so he does. 

_ “Sir?” _ he sighs hearing the AI speak to him, it made the loneliness fade slightly. He hummed in response ignoring the pain in his throat and she continued speaking  _ “would you like me to inform boss and Thor that you’re conscious?” _

He doesn’t even think about it before he hums in agreement, he doesn’t even realize he responded. His aching muscles, raw throat and throbbing head distracting him from reality, all he could focus on was the pain all throughout his body, breathing made his ribs hurt and every muscle in his chest strained with each inhale, the air making his throat sting.

_ “boss is sleeping but Thor is on his way” _ he barely hears FRIDAY, the throbbing in his head and blood pounding in his ears drowning her out, he wanted so badly to lay his arm over his eyes so he could stop seeing the faint red tinted light behind his eyelids from the light beside him but he could barely move his head so how could he move his arm.

He sighs again and his breath hitches from the pain shooting up his ribs into his shoulder and up his neck, making the throbbing in his head worse. He clenches his teeth and tries to breath as shallow as he could, but with every breath the pain started, he fought through it though, he doesn’t know for how long, it felt like twenty minutes but Thor walks in a moment after the pain stops, it couldn’t have taken Thor that long to get there.

“You've been asleep for five days brother” Thor states, Loki cna hear him walk over and take a seat beside his bed. Loki turns his head slightly and ignores his muscles screaming at him as prys open his eyes. Thank god Thor sat on his left side because at this angle that stupid light is behind Loki.

“Is that why I feel like shit?” he grumbles and clears his throat when his voice cracks, the pain flaring up again but not as harsh “my whole body is sore” he says lifting his arm and showing Thor that his muscles shake with the effort.

“probably from pulling against your restraints” Thor states as he remembers Loki screaming and writhing in pain when Strange was doing the spell.

Loki doesn’t say anything, just looks at him with a frown, waiting for an explanation because he wasn’t restrained to the bed, he doesn’t remember much, last thing he remembers is sleeping and then saying something to Thor at the crater. Then it hits him, the crater, the avengers, the sorcerers, the SHIELD agents and the fires.

“did it work?” he scans Thor who copies, scanning Loki as he lays in the hospital bed “what happened?” he asks when Thor doesn’t say anything for a second.

“why didn’t you tell me about you and Stark?” Thor asks quietly, his voice soft and cold; but there’s no anger or disgust. 

“we can talk about that after” Loki says quickly, his gaze grows cold as he asks again “what happened?” Thor is quiet again before he looks up at the ceiling 

“FRIDAY?” Thor relaxes when the robot replies and Thor asks “do you have the footage from the crater?” 

_ “yes sir I do, would you like me to play it?” _ Thor agrees with a thank you when an AI screen pops up at the end of Loki’s bed.

Thor watches Loki as he watches the screen, Thor watches as he winces every once in a while when the loki on screen let out an ear shattering screen, he frowns as the other sorcerers join in and he frowns harder when the blood starts. Thor watches as Loki freezes when the thing on screen and Tony were talking, Loki stays frozen until the video stops and the screen disappears.

“How long until I'm out of this bed?” Loki asks instead, he didn’t want to talk about this with Thor of all people, not to mention it felt wrong talking about it without Tony because Loki can’t answer all the questions, Tony needs to be here for that too, even if they aren’t together anymore.

Thor lets out a large exhale, almost a sigh “Strange says you can leave as soon as you feel okay, they kept you hydrated and pumped nutrients into you while you were asleep” Thor says and nods at the IV drip beside him that leads to a needle in the crook of Loki’s arm “Lady Shuri made vibranium needles for our sake, we’re not always going to be weak enough for regular metals to work” Loki simply looks at the thing in his arm and lets out a hum “Strange says the magic rewired your personality somewhat and it’ll take a couple days for your brain to readjust” 

“one day and that thing already fucked my head up?” Loki’s jaw drops as he feels his stomach burn

“actually it was the whole week, the voice you talked about, that was the magic rewiring your brain” Thor states and then looks toward the door and back to Loki with a smile “you wanna rip that out or should I get Strange to pull it out?” Thor nods at the needle in his arm and Loki almost lets out a laugh because they both know the answer already.

He rips out the needle easily and all the wires connected to him, the clamp on his finger falling off in the process. Loki sees Thor shake his head lightly as Loki looks around the room, finally taking in how dark it actually is in there, some counters across the room from him with a sink and a door beside it. 

“where’s my sweater?” Loki asks then shakes his head, he closes his eyes for a second and focuses then he doesn’t feel that familiar warmth roam over him, the one that always reminded him of Frigga’s hugs for some reason he opens his eyes slowly with a sigh, of course nature is mad at him  _ again _ .

Thor’s voice is low as he says “you should probably eat real food brother” while getting up and walking towards the door.

Loki slides off the bed, his feet slightly numb as he presses them to the floor but he ignores it as he stands, he catches himself against the bed quickly as his knees shake under him, not used to the weight or activity at all after being still for five days. 

Thor is quickly at his side offering an arm and of course Loki ignores him, taking a careful step forward and when his knees don’t give out he takes another, and another and another. It’s hard yeah, his knees still shake and his ankle clicks every once in awhile but it works, Thor by his side the whole walk down the hall and to the elevator was relaxing, knowing that he was there if Loki needed and that he was ready if Loki suddenly dropped. 

Leaning against the elevator wall and taking weight off his legs helped and Thor handed him his black sweater, taking weight off his legs helped a lot because by the time the doors opened to reveal the familiar grey couches his knees stopped shaking. 

“Never thought I would say this but I missed you” Bruce blurts and wraps his arms around Loki when he steps out of the elevator, Loki freezes, he frowns at Bruce and then looks at Thor, he frowns harder and nods his head at Bruce because if Thor doesn’t get him off right now Loki will fucking lose it.

“Banner” Thor says and the man lets go with a smile, patting Thor on the arm as he walks away “don’t worry i’d never cheat on you” Banner says happily and Thor snorts, holding back a laugh as he goes and flops onto the couch.

Loki immediately heads to the kitchen, pouring himself a coffee

“The rest of the avengers are moving back in today” Thor states and Loki groans loudly, bending himself over the counter to show how much he dreads it, he quickly pops back up at points at Volstagg and Hogun.

“You guys are leaving today right?” Loki says hopefully “you all exhaust me” he deflates when Volstagg smirks

“We’re leaving tomorrow” Loki groans again and pours sugar in his coffee to stop his hands from throwing the coffee machine across the room

“Fury said he wants a meeting as soon as you’re awake” Nat states, watching Loki’s face drop. He knew what it was about, everyone heard Tony at the crater meaning the Asgardians probably found out they were faking before. “but now Tony’s sleeping” she adds with a tune 

* * *

“how long have you two been sneaking around?” Fury says loudly.

“it’s not really sneaking, we were fak-“

_ “Stark”  _ Fury says even louder, does he know how loud he talks or does he do it on purpose?

“I don’t know like three, four weeks?” Tony sighs loudly to try and ease the burning in his stomach and his hands shaking, he balled them into fists without realizing “we never talked about it so it kinda fuckin sucks that we’re  _ forced _ to talk about it especially with you” 

“we aren’t together” Loki speaks up, taking the attention away from Tony so he could calm down a bit and Tony doesn’t calm down

“what are you talking about, since when?” Tony asks harshly

“fucking doesn’t automatically make us a couple, besides you clearly stated that you believe I like you because of the dark magic”

“dark magic doesn’t know love” Thor butts in 

“I told him that” Loki retorts harshly

“well I didn’t know if you were telling the truth or not” Tony mutters as he rests his head against his knuckles

“there lies the problem you don’t trust me”

“That’s a lie” Tony glares

“is it?” Loki asks, there's a slight tingle in his bones, Tony’s not completely telling the truth “I can feel when people are lying Stark”

“I do trust you” Tony says lowly like he’s trying to convince himself that he does.

“not as much as you think you do”

“you can’t assume what  _ i feel” _

“That’s rich coming from you” Loki spits back.

“how the fu-“

“I saved your life time and time again” Loki’s voice is toneless “I _chose you_ , I _sacrificed_ _everyone_ and _everything_ _for you_ and you still doubt me?”

“There’s no dark magic in you so no I don’t doubt your feelings”

“You don’t trust me though”

“Because you do shit like this” Tony waves between them “giving me some of your magic, not telling me that it’s dark magic to do that, killing Suna and not telling anyone that it would kill you too”

“You wouldn’t believe me if i said it was all to keep you safe”

“How in the hell is all this supposed to keep us safe?”

_ “like I said the magic is to protect you when i’m not there. your so called serial killer isn’t just any serial killer-”  _ Loki yells so loud that even Fury tenses up.

_ “Loki” _ Thor interrupts him before he could say it

“you know who it is?” Steve asks quietly

“I’m not sure if it’s him or not” Loki grimbles as he rubs his eye, hating the stupid dark magic for making him angrier than usual because if it didn’t do that he wouldn’t have fucking said shit about him.

“I literally seen a D carved into the victims bodies” Thor says

“D as in dick?” Tony asks, hiding how fucking mad he is and raises his brows, making Thor rolls his eyes 

“D as in Decoda, Suna’s brother” Thor says lowly and Tony doesn’t feel himself stop breathing “Decoda Davies and Sharon Star, Suna translates to Star”

“I noticed a pile of finger bones shaped in a D” Loki mutters “Suna took his memories of me away, after he died the spell broke so he remembers that Suna made him immortal because I left Suna” 

“why would Suna- oh” Bruce eyes go wide in realization “he didn’t want to be alone forever”

“Decoda doesn’t have magic so that’s an advantage, but he can read minds and control people like Suna”

* * *

“don’t get your hopes up with Loki” Fandral says suddenly and Tony doesn’t like that he’s alone with him “he has a habit of destroying good things in his life, he pushes people away” 

“or you’re saying this because you’re jealous?” Tony retorts 

“I’m leaving in a few minutes just thought i’d give you a fair warning that if Loki can lie and leave you so easily, then you shouldn’t be with him” 

“that’s where you’re wrong he didn’t fuck it up, I did”

“really?” Fandral's eyebrows shoot up “that's a first”

“Fandral quit bothering him and let’s go” Volstagg demands as he and the other three Asgardians step out of the elevator, Fandral listening.

“Thank you Mr.Stark for having us and I sincerely apologize for the drama I have caused” Sif says tonelessly.

“yeah no problem” Tony heads to the elevator as he sees them heading to the helipad, sighing in relief knowing that they’re leaving. 


	12. who i am is not who i wanna be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki kinda gun doofed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter

“What’re you doing?” Nat asks as Loki’s hands hover over the jewelry they brought him, green strings of light moving around the necklaces and bracelets on the counter, Loki ignores her and continues until the light reels back into his hands and he steps away, waving a hand towards the objects.

Loki watches as Thor and Bruce both snap on a bracelet, Nat and Tony helping each other put on a necklace. Nats was an arrow, Tony’s was a simple ‘A’.

“So what’d you do?” Bruce looks up and frowns at Loki.

“Protection charms, if immortals or vampires try to touch you then your skin will burn them and no witches can put any spells on you” Loki says and goes to sit on the couch, Tony and Bruce following.

“you don’t know if these murders are Decoda” Bruce states at the same time Tony asks “Why’d you take the magic back from my nanobots?” 

“Needed it for the spell, nature is mad at me for using dark magic so I have nothing right now” Loki states ignoring Bruce whisper “vampires?”

“Did you guys find anything on Coda?” Thor asks and Loki starts paying attention, feeling his stomach sink when Nat shakes her head “mind control” Thor states and Loki rolls his eyes 

“no shit genius” Loki spits and slumps into the couch with a sigh “I need to call my friend, gimme your phone” he says holding out a hand towards Tony

Tony digs his phone out of his sweater pocket and gives it to Loki with a frown “thought you don’t have friends?”

“doesn’t count if she’s undead” Loki states as he starts dialing a number “hope her phone still works after 20 years” Loki mumbles as he presses dial and puts it on speaker knowing that they’ll ask what they’re talking about.

_ “hello? _

“Lex?” 

_ “I thought Thanos killed you!”  _ lexi says quickly

“he did” Loki says instantly “guess who’s the god of hel?”

_ “I can’t believe you’re alive oh my god, the god of Hel is believable though”  _ Lexi says with a laugh and Loki can’t help but smile

“yeah I went to purgatory too, anyways your friend with the blood problem, the ripper” Loki says lowly “is he ripping shit up right now?”

_ “no why?” _

“couple avengers got a mission for a dozen bodies upstate, I was just making sure it’s who I think it is”

_ “you’re with the avengers?”  _ Lexi deadpans

“yes ma'am I am” he sighs, hesitating before he asks “would I be a bad friend if I asked for your help?”

_ “no”  _ Lexi says instantly “ _ we’ll be up there in a couple days, help you guys” _

“Thank you Lex, I owe you”

_ “you owe me a whole damn week of your time” _

“yeah after we deal with this shit”

_ “ok, love you Lokes” _

“love you too” loki mumbles and hangs up, throwing the phone into Tony’s lap

“you fuck her?”

“oh fuck you” Loki groans, wishing he slapped Tony with that phone as he gets up and heads towards the elevator

“is this how we end up in your prophecy?” Tony asks and Loki feels like his lungs aren’t working

“I never seen an  _ us _ in my prophecy” Loki utters and heads for the stairs but of course Thor stops him and turns him around, pushing him into an armchair and Thor sits on the armrest of it.

“we need to go get vervain if your friends are coming” Thor states looking down at Loki who’s rubbing his forehead in frustration.

“they know how to control themselves, apart from the ripper”

“exactly why we need vervain”

“vervain, ripper?” Bruce asks with a frown looking between them and Loki sighs not wanting to deal with this right now.

“vervain is toxic to vampires, if you have it on you or you ingest it you will be immune to compulsion and your blood basically becomes poison to them”

“vampires don’t exist” Bucky states

“killed a couple myself” Thor states

“so what's a ripper?” Nat frowns.

“vampires lives for the hunt and kill, a ripper is that times ten, once they start feeding they can’t stop and will rip their victims limb from limb”

“massacre of monterey in eighteen-something” Loki pipes up “that was a ripper, earned him the nickname  _ Ripper Of Monterey _ , a vampire consumed by his weakness for blood and when he comes to, he tries to put the bodies back together out of guilt”

“vampires can feel guilty?”

“vampires are just like humans, they eat, sleep despite not needing to, they feel emotions twice as hard, all their senses are heightened, they can get into your heads and can turn off their emotions like a switch” Thor tells them and then looks back at Loki “do they have daylight rings?”

“I don’t know” Loki sighs harshly “can I go now?”

“no, we need to get vervain” Thor states, pulling Loki out of the chair and into the elevator.

“where are we going to even get it”

“you know witches I’m sure” Thor smiles and Loki rolls his eyes 

“I don’t believe this vampire bullshit” Natasha deadpans after the elevator doors close on the brothers.

* * *

Loki said he knew a witch, he didn’t tell Thor that  _ knowing a witch _ meant stealing her vervain behind her back and booking it. Thor would have been mad if Loki wasn’t having fun

_ “remember when you’d help me steal herbs from the healers?”  _ Loki said with a smile and Thor couldn’t get mad. 

He did get mad though when Loki stabbed him with a needle and injected him with vervain as he was explaining to their friends the different ways to use vervain but he calmed down quickly seeing Loki show them how to make vervain tea.

_ “Sir, there is a Lexi Branson with a, and I quote wonder twins” _

Loki immediately jumps up from the couch “you need to invite them in” he states and speedwalks into the elevator “hurry up Stark” Loki says quickly and Tony frowns seeing Loki  _ excited _ .

He quickly steps into the elevator and neither of them say anything, it’s not awkward thank god. It doesn’t last long since the compound is only 5 floors and Tony frowns harder when Loki rushes out of the elevator as soon as it opens to the lobby.

Tony sees a pretty pale blonde girl standing with a pale man with dark hair and striking blue eyes, not as beautiful as Loki’s though, Tony loved how Loki’s eyes sometimes changed from baby blue to a teal or pale green. Theres another guy, light brown hair, round green eyes and a big chin.

Tony has to control himself as Loki runs out the door immediately hugging the blonde girl and she stumbles back a bit with the force.

As Tony gets to the door Loki pulls away from her and looks to Tony “Stark this one of my very few friends Lexi” she smiles and holds out a hand but Loki pushes it down “he’s wearing a protection charm”

_ “ooh” _ she says with a smile, her eyebrows shooting up “well then congrats Tony Stark you officially made it on Loki’s list of loved ones” she smiles

“Damon Salvatore” the other man buts in bowing his head slightly instead of a hand shake “the much better looking older brother of this one” he claps a hand on the brown haired mans back.

Tony nods back “nice to meet you” he deadpans before sighing “so how does this work?”

“just say we can come in, or I invite you in either works” 

“okay well come in” he says unsure and lets out a hum when they step through the door without a problem.

“wait” Loki says, suddenly scanning the brown haired man “Stefan Salvatore?” and the man nods with a frown “your friend with the  _ blood problem _ is the fucking ripper of Monterey?” Loki says harshly looking at Lexi

“I thought you knew?” Lexi’s eyes go wide hearing Loki swear

“how the fuck was I supposed to know?”

“I mentioned Stefan and ripper I thought you would’ve been able to put it together”

Loki glares at her before glaring at the brothers and Tony raises his brows as the brothers drop, holding their heads and groaning.

“If I even see your eyes turning red I’ll rip your head off from across the room” Loki growls not acknowledging Lexi asking him to stop or the blood dripping from his nose.

“okay” Stefan chokes out and takes a sharp breath as Loki stops glaring, Damon coughing behind him.

“is your nose supposed to be bleeding?” Lexi frowns at Loki as he wipes said blood away.

“I’m fine”

“it hasn’t even been 48 hours Loki” Tony states and in reply Loki heads for the elevator

“what happened?” Lexi asks as she follows Loki and Tony.

“nothing” Loki deadpans

“he was using dark magic”

“you’re joking right?” Lexi asks with a small laugh but it fades when Loki and Tony stay quiet “you-“ Lexi starts frowning as she scans Loki “you’re okay though now right?”

Loki nods and Tony huffs a laugh “you’re shaking Loki” Tony states seeing his hands trembling against the handrail he’s gripping.

“I’m fine” 

“stop” Tony says harshly, making Loki glare “stop acting like you’re fine all the time. This isn’t Asgard we won’t degrade you for being wea-“

“shut it Stark” Loki spits and thank god the elevator stops and the doors open “you don’t know shit about me, Asgard or my family so quit acting like you do” Loki lies as he pulls Lexi out of the elevator and acts like nothing happened as he introduces her to everyone.

* * *

Thor frowns as he finds Loki asleep on the couch, curled up against the cushions “Loki?” Thor whispers as he places a hand on his brothers thigh and quickly steps back when Loki abruptly sits up taking a sharp breath as he points a dagger at Thor “get the fuck away from me” he says quickly before relaxing, he lets out a sigh and runs a hand through his hair, one eye still closed.

“why do you have a black eye?” Thor frowns seeing that Loki’s closed eye is purple and blue

“Damon and I got into a fight after we stopped looking for Decoda” Loki grumbles, noticing Tony, Nat, Wanda, Vision and Lexi in the kitchen he sighs letting out a yawn and rubs his face. Thor shakes his head and walks into the kitchen when Loki lets out an  _ “ooh”  _ as he sees a bottle still half full on the coffee table

Loki picks up the bottle and takes a shot ignoring Nat and Lexi taking their seats on the couch, “find any sign of him?” Nat asks as she sips on her coffee.

“Well he’s not at any of the liquor stores in a ten mile radius”

Lexi opens her mouth to say something but stops abruptly “what?” Loki asks, his voice cracks a bit but Lexi doesn’t acknowledge it, she turns his head to the side a bit and he complies with a frown.

“no” she says lowly “Loki not  _ Damon”  _

Loki’s face drops as he looks back to her and the look on her face, that look of  _ what the fuck _ makes him drop the bottle.“ _ Damon what?” _ he asks as his stomach drops and he hops over the couch before she can reply, he marches over to the wall beside the elevator and looks in the mirror to find some purple and red spots on his neck.

He runs his hands through his hair and freezes, his whole body frozen, every single cell and atom frozen, his gaze not moving from the bruises on his neck until the elevator opens and out steps  _ Damon _ .

Loki snarls before wrapping his hand around Damon’s throat and squeezing  _ “please tell me these aren’t from you” _ he hisses as Damon gasps for air

“even if I wanted to-“ Damon chokes out and Loki notices his thumb pressing into a dark spot on Damon’s neck “-I can’t” Damon wheezes and Loki drops him, revealing more hickies on Damon’s neck.

“I’m gonna be sick” he breathes out and backs away from Damon who shrugs and walks over to the kitchen. Loki sees black spots appearing in his vision “somebody better catch me” Loki utters as the black spots take over.

* * *

Loki stayed in his room and slept the rest of the day. For one his head, muscles and bones ached. Two, he didn’t want to see Tony, his brother, his bestfriend or Damon and three, he was just fucking tired and he should’ve stayed in bed today too

“hey handso-“ Damon tries to say

“don’t talk to me” Loki snarls

“I still can’t believe you two hooked up” Steve utters and his lips curl in disgust

“I’m sorry who here fucked their exes niece?” Loki raises a brow “oh right, it was you”

“at least I never killed my ex” Steve retorts

Loki scoffs “okay jack frost” 

“look who’s talking” 

Loki knows that’s a jab at his Jötun heritage but he won’t give Steve what he wants “Still you, all talk no action” Loki smirks seeing Steves grip on the armrest tighten.

“Loki” Nat says lowly

“keep going Loki and I won’t hold myself back”

“I’m surprised you can, jumping from Peggy to Bucky to Shar-“ before Loki can finish his sentence Steve is pulling him up by the collar of his shirt 

Loki chuckles as Steve hits him in the face nonstop, it takes more than several hits to break skin but that motivates Steve because he starts hitting harder and nobody can pull him back until Thor snaps out of his shock seeing Steve snap like that and finally pulls him off.

Loki slumps down onto the couch with a chuckle “expected more from  _ Captain America _ ” he mocks and then smirks when Steve tries to go at him again, Thor pulling Steve into the elevator easily

“what the fuck was that?” Sam screeches and Loki simply wipes blood from his nose, Loki sighs when Tony plops down beside him.

“what the hell is going on with you?” Tony asks softly as he gently turns Loki’s face to examine the cut and already flourishing bruise on his cheekbone


	13. I’m afraid somebody else’s gonna take my place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki lexi and nat :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly idk if i’m going to continue this, i want to but man.

Once again Loki is drunk. Thor came up to the kitchen to get some water and instead he spotted his brother sitting on the balcony. He just wanted a good night sleep after searching for Decoda again but he didn’t mind accompanying his brother.

“hey” he says softly as he steps onto the balcony, Loki not looking at him as he sits at the patio chair beside Loki’s

“douchebag” Loki greets giving him a small smile before taking another shot from the bottle in his hand.

Thors nose twitches as he smells something harsh and he looks down to see a burning cigarette between Loki’s limp fingers and he isn’t surprised, Loki is self-destructive and it’s almost as obvious as Loki’s need to be loved, to be cared for.

“I’m sorry” Thor blurts and Loki snaps his head to the side to look at him with a frown “I told you I’d be there for you and that I’d be a better brother but I’m n-“

“Thor” Loki interrupts him “it’s okay, you’re my brother” Loki reminds him before looking back at the city lights “not my therapist”

“why do you stay?” Thor asks suddenly making Loki almost drop the bottle in his hands “we’ve done nothing but hurt you and you do nothing but risk yourself to save us”

“this is all I have” Loki says lowly and takes a long drink “I would be stupid to leave that for basically nothing” Loki goes to pick at his hand but then is reminded of the cigarette in his hands so he takes a drag.

“where’d you even get that?” Thor frowns watching as Loki blows out some smoke

“don’t know” Loki says looking at the cigarette “was in my pocket after I got drunk with Damian”

“I was wondering why you guys were gone so long”

“I’m still wondering the same” Loki frowns as he takes another drag “figured we went to a bar after we stopped searching. I don’t remember shit” he says as he exhales a cloud of smoke

“speaking of, your eye looks a lot better” Thor examines the faint blue under the edge of Loki’s eye.

“he’s only a vampire” Loki shrugs he’s surprised it took over 12 hours to heal “and I’m finally tired” Loki sighs and butts out his smoke on the bottom of his boot, taking another shot before standing up and stumbling slightly.

Thor easily steadies him and Loki rolls his eyes, heading inside and Thor follows him all the way to his room. 

“you don’t have to do this” Loki says

“nonsense it’ll be like when we were kids and you couldn’t sleep” Thor says with a smile as he plops onto Loki’s bed 

“But I’m tired and I can sleep” Loki states as he lays on his stomach, his arms tucked under his pillow.

“then I’ll go after I know you’re asleep”

“broth-“

“I know you haven’t been sleeping Loki” Thor says folding his hands over his stomach 

“we don’t need sleep for atleast a year remember?” Loki mumbles

“yes but without it we grow weak”

“you don’t need to remind me”

“seems I do” Thor sighs scanning his brother “talk to Tony, he misses you”

“I can’t”

“you came back to life more than once, you’ve been tortured, mind controlled, you live with the people who tortured you and you faced the man who tortured you, you dessicated an immortal with your own heart, helping save the world twice, went to purgatory and back _and_ _this_ _is too much?”_

“why does it hurt so much?” Loki whispers keeping his gaze on Thor’s hands clasped together

after a moment Thor says “because you love him, because it’s real”

“I don’t want to feel like this anymore” Loki whispers and his hands grip the sheet under him so hard his knuckles turn white thank god they’re under his pillow.

“then talk to him” Thor says quietly “your pride isn’t worth your health brother”

“you seem to forget I slept with somebody else” Loki slurs into his pillow and Thor can see his eyelids struggling to stay open.

“did he get mad at you, did he say he hates you?”

“no” Loki sighs as he closes his eyes and quickly falls asleep, Thor leaves a couple minutes after when Loki doesn’t move or say anything else.

* * *

“good morning” Lexi says happily as places a cup of coffee on the nightstand and jumps onto Loki’s bed, not caring that he literally just opened his eyes and he can feel a light thrumming in his head from the bottles he drank last night “figured I’d catch you before you started drinking” She hums as she lays down beside him.

“so I shouldn’t ask if theres vodka in that?” he grumbles out, his voice hoarse but he ignores it as he sits up and Lexi passes him his cup.

“it’s eleven am I’m wouldn’t feed you drinks until at least four or five”

“like you would anyways” he grumbles feeling weirdly calm, the yellow glow of the sun rising and the coffee helps alot.

“you do that pretty well on your own” she deadpans and Loki rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his coffee “talk to Tony, it’s obvious you miss each other”

“how would you know and how did you know how I like my coffee?”

“I can hear his heart stutter when he sees you and Tony told me” she changes the subject quickly before Loki can do it because she  _ knows  _ he will “you never told me about purgatory yet”

“killed an immortal using dark magic so purgatory was my punishment”

“you dance for the devil?” she snickers softly.

“honestly that would’ve been much better” Lexi frowns at him with concern so he sighs and continues “the first year I was stuck with Tony, it was just us and he was  _ annoying _ and then it would reset everyday. I didn’t have my magic but then I got it back” he takes a sip of his coffee, Lexi not mentioning that he starts to stare off into his cup 

“I sent him back once I was strong enough and the next three months I had no magic again then I went insane, literally. Tony was annoying but he kept me sane”

“how’d you come back?” she breathes out, her concerned frown didn’t change a bit

“Tony, he memorized the spell” Loki states and ignores the hope that makes his jaw clench and his atoms vibrate, hoping that he didn’t fuck it up for good this time.

“impressive for a non-witch” Lexi hums 

“what do you expect?” Loki shrugs “he’s a genius” 

“obviously if he got with you”

“fuck off” he laughs pushing her slightly

“no seriously” she says after she stops laughing “you went from throwing him out windows to falling in lo-“

“Lex” Loki warns after he slaps a hand over her mouth.

“I’m your bestfriend, I know you better than you know yourself and I know you’re in love with him” Lexi states and starts smiling “you may be the god of lies but you can’t lie to your bestfriend”

“is that my shirt?” he quickly changes the subject and tugs at the hem of the black long sleeve she’s wearing

“yessir” she says looking down at the shirt “atleast I think”

“you and Nat are annoying”

“Natasha can wear your clothes but I can’t?”

“I never said you couldn’t” he retorts 

“anyways since I’m here can I  _ finally  _ paint your nails?” he frowns “only black I promise” she continues seeing his eyebrows knit together.

“right now?”

“if you wanna take up as much time as possible before going upstairs then yes”

“okay” she gets up and speeds out of the room only to come back seconds later with two bottles of nail polish, a file and cream?

“all of that just to paint my nails?” He asks as she plops back onto the bed, dropping the things and investigating his nails

“you’re nails are chipped” she states “that’s what the file is for” she hums and picks up said file “did the immortal you killed have anything to do with the one we’re looking for now?”

“the immortal I killed was the brother of the current immortal” 

“is that why he’s after you?” she asks as she starts filing the nails on his other hand

“I don’t know” he shrugs and Lexi glares for a moment before continuing on his index finger “last I knew they hated each other”

“well last  _ I knew _ you hated Thor”

“I’ve never hated Thor” he doesn’t lie, yes he’s been angry with Thor and downright murderous but he never  _ hated _ Thor.

“right,  _ envy _ ” she looks up at him before continuing on his thumb “I’m glad you guys made up”

“me too” he presses his lips together as he thinks for a moment “how’d you die?”

“Damon killed me, framed me for  _ his  _ murders back in Mystic Falls and then the snap happened and I suddenly was alive again” she shrugs as she shakes the bottle of black nail polish

“I tried looking for you, but you could’ve been anywhere so I couldn’t find you” he sighs as she starts painting his nails carefully “guess now I know why”

* * *

“what the fuck?” Nat almost yells as Loki pours himself another cup of coffee, sneaking in a shot of vodka behind Lexi’s back “I asked to paint your nails before and you said no” Natasha pouts and Loki has to hold back a chuckle.

“If I let you paint my nails before Lex did then there would be a fight and I have  _ no  _ clue which of you would win”

“my bets on Naty” Damon speaks up and smirks with a wink when Natasha frowns at him for the nickname

“Lexi’s a vampire so sorry Nat” Tony shrugs from beside Damon and Peter on the couch

“are you serious?”

“don’t be surprised we bet on Tony and Loki” Peter says then his eyes go wide when Tony snaps his head towards him and Loki chokes on his coffee.

“who won?” Tony asks with an angry frown, the anger consuming him from head to toe

“nobody” Natasha says “we all bet you guys would be together in under a year”

“surprisingly you guys never fucked in purgatory” Quill adds in as he walks in with the Gaurdians 

“you made the bet  _ before purgatory?” _ Loki asks as coffee dribbles down his chin, too shocked to care or even feel it

“we made the bet after Tony helped with your pan-“ Natasha starts to say but Loki interrupts her.

“helping somebody doesn’t mean shit“

“Tony made a whole presentation of evidence of your torture, was the only one fighting every second to get you back from purgatory and you saved his life despite the whole universe being at stake” Gamora says quickly 

“anyways” Natasha says loudly “can I give you a makeover” 

_ “no”  _ Loki answers immediately 

“come on Lokes all you do is wear sweatpants” Lexi whines

“they’re comfy”

“I’m surprised you aren’t wearing crocs to go with your hermit look” Lexi exclaims “you know what you should grow out your hair to match your hermit aesthetic”

“you guys are annoying” Loki huffs and hits his head against the counter so hard he sees Nat flinch in the corner of his eye.

“agree and we’ll stop”

“no” Loki spits and sits up straight “I am perfectly happy with my jeans, sweatpants and sweaters” he retorts, the annoyance as clear as the glare he’s sending them.

“but you’d look so much hotter in leather jackets” Lexi whines

“did you just call me hot?” Loki asks as his face falls before quickly morphing into a mix of confusion and disgust.

“or skinny jeans?” Natasha pipes up 

“might as well call up Gerard Way ask him to get the band back together” Loki retorts

“with rings and maybe some eyeliner?” Lexi suggests as she examines Loki

Loki spins around in his barstool “I’m guessing you have his number?” he asks, looking at Tony who nods.

“we’re serious Lokes” Lexi says as she turns him back around 

“yeah seriously fucking annoying”

“come on just one day and we’ll stop” 

Loki lets out a loud groan before focusing and feeling that familiar warmth run over him.

“or you could do that” Lexi says with a hum and Loki looks down at himself.

Leather jacket, black jeans that aren’t  _ too  _ skinny, rings and eyeliner that he can’t see. Everything that they wanted and he hated that Lexi is showing them that the way to get Loki to comply is annoying him.

“happy?” he deadpans as he takes a sip of his coffee

“wow” Natasha breathes, her eyes going wide 

“what?” 

“you have really pretty eyes you know?”

“Lexi tells me all the time”

“but I’m a vampire so they’re even prettier to me” Lexi butts

“how is that possible?” Sam asks from his spot on the couch 

“Vampirism heightens all of your senses by ten” Stefan butts in from where he’s sat beside Damon on the armrest “even from here I can see that you have a scratch on your neck”

“oh yeah I need to cut my nails” Natasha says rubbing over a spot under her ear where the scratch must be “anyways Loki are you coming with us today?”

“No” he says and sips his coffee “If Coda doesn’t want to be found then you won’t find him, I’ll stay here in case he decides to show up”

* * *

“are you gonna play at my party?” 

“no”

“come on it’s my birthday” Tony whines

“no”

“can you play here?”

“no”

_ “Lokes” _ Tony whines again  _ “there’s a guitar right there” _ Tony whines again pointing at the guitar by the TV

“if I do, will you shut up?” Loki asks obviously annoyed and Tony nods instantly.

Loki sighs before holding out a hand and the guitar comes flying into it 

Scott barks out a laugh “ha it’s like mjolnir but a guitar” 

Loki ignores him, not even bothering to tune the guitar before he strums it harshly “ _ I love you bitch _ ”

and without realizing Tony whispers “oh my god” 

Loki strums the guitar harshly again  _ “I ain’t never gon stop lovin’ you-“ _ before he could continue Tony literally rips the guitar out of his hands and Loki can not hold back his laugh.

Loki hears some other people laugh as he slumps back into the couch holding his stomach and when Tony spits  _ “how the fuck do you know about vine? _ ” Loki almost screams with another wave of laughter, getting up and heading to the bar so he could try and control himself.

His stomach and face hurt from laughing he realizes as he pours himself a drink and he doesn’t even hear someone walking up to him.

_ “hey”  _ he frowns looking up as the bottle is suddenly smacked out of his hands, rolling off the counter and smashing against the floor.

“I don’t have magic” Tony states “but I will gladly knock bottles out of your hand all day” and Loki ignores the flutter of happiness in his heart knowing that Tony still cares about him. 

Loki raises a brow and grabs another bottle, Tony steals his cup so instead Loki brings the bottle up to his lips with a smirk.

As he felt the cool sting in his throat, the bottle is ripped from his hands again, making some whiskey dribble down his chin onto his shirt and it takes everything in him not to fucking throw the coffee machine at Tony.

“to think that I even got you a present” he grumbles and starts making himself a cup of coffee.

“wait what?”

Loki opens his palm and with a glow of green a black bracelet pops up into it.

“just a bracelet?” Tony asks as he plucks it out of Loki’s hand and snaps it on.

“you like the stars thing a lot” Loki states as he picks up his coffee and heads over to the couches “that will allow you to do it, so you don’t need me to”

“how?”

“just think about it, the magic will work itself”

and as soon as Tony starts thinking about it, a sea of stars appear above them, a golden glow running down the walls and over every piece of furniture until it reveals the lake house.

“purgatory, really?” Loki asks as he looks around, the modern style of the room becoming cozy.

“well I never seen you do it since then” Tony says before looking back up at the stars above them.

“so do you have magic again?” Sam asks, not looking away from the thousands of stars above them

“no, I had enough from the past couple days to make the bracelet but that’s it” Loki says as he lifts a hand and Sam guesses he tries to do a spell but nothing happens “see?”

“Hey Lokes- woah” Lexi stops dead in her tracks when she steps out of the elevator and sees the galaxy covering the ceiling of the room. Stefan and Damon having the same reaction behind her.

“you tell Elena you cheated?” Loki asks Damon with a smirk and Damons face falls in time with the galaxy fading away above them.

“Loki please don’t start” Lexi begs and Loki can see Thor begging him not to cause bullshit just with the look in his eyes.

“speak for yourself” Damon spits back and Loki can see his gaze shift towards Tony on the barstool.

“I was never in a relationship with him”

“always got a smartass reply” Stefan grumbles from beside Damon.

“being over a thousand years old does that to ya” Loki says happily raising his drink towards the brothers who scowl at him.

“back to the subject of Elena” Loki turns back to Damon “shitty that you can’t have her here and have to settle for your bestfriend and  _ her bestfriend _ ” Loki says with a tune, making Damon glare and his jaw clench “stuck between who you love most” Loki finishes, his tune becoming higher but his voice is low.

_ “I’m gonna fuck-“ _ Damon starts yelling and moves forward but Stefan pulls him back.

_ “you love Bonnie?” _ Stefan and Lexi yell at the same time and Damon looks ready to kill

“who’s Bonnie?“ Tony starts to ask but Damon suddenly has Tony in a choke hold

Damon bits into his wrist and presses it to Tony’s mouth before Loki or Stefan can move  _ “Damon” _ Stefan says harshly and Loki can feel his entire body burning with anger

“Don’t  _ Damon  _ me” he spits pulling his wrist away from Tony, resting his hand behind Tony’s head to show that he’s fucking ready to snap Tony’s neck at any moment.

“you’re a fucking dick” Tony chokes out after he stops coughing and gagging from the nasty metallic taste in his mouth 

“yeah I am” Damon agrees with a smirk  “make a move Loki and I’ll snap his ne-“ 

“ _ Phasmatos ossox”  _ Loki whispers with a twist of his wrist. Damon's head harshly twists to the side and everyone but Stefan and Loki flinch at the loud cracking sound, his body falls to the ground with a thud and Tony immediately runs to the sink and starts chugging water.

“I’m gonna fucking kill him” Loki grumbles when Tony yells  _ “how long will this shit be in me?” _

Tony frantically chugs more water like it’ll just wash out the vampire blood and he doesn’t notice, Thor, Stefan and Lexi holding back Loki.


	14. aint this life so sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tonys birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song during the dance is “this years love” by david gray (posting shorter chapters bc for some reason i’m so much happier w it that way??)

Lexi and Stefan got Damon out of the compound until the party started, Loki calmed down quickly due to the fact that Damon never actually hurt Tony, not even a bruise. 

That didn’t last long though.

As Loki stepped into the party with his brother and Natasha the purple, blue and pink hue of the room calmed him slightly but his anger started slowly seeping in as he saw Damon and with another woman who he guesses is Bonnie. Thor quickly pulled him over to a table to the back corner near a window and a bar, Loki ignores Sam, Peter and Thor start talking and Thors heart drops out of his ass as he looks back at his brother.

Because Thor knew that look.

Thor knew that look, that darkness in Loki’s eyes as he watched Tony and Pepper talking by the bar across the room _“Loki”_ Thor warns as he reaches to grab his brothers arm but he’s already walking away _“Loki!”_ He says again but his brother doesn’t even acknowledge it.

It takes him no less than a minute to cross the room.

_“this years love had better last”_

“I’m sorry Ms. Potts but may I steal him for a moment?” Loki asks with a smile as he steps beside Tony. 

_“heaven knows it’s high time”_

Loki doesnt hide his arm wrapping around Tony’s waist and turning them around before Pepper could reply.

_“I’ve been waiting on my own, too long”_

“What’re you-” Tony starts to ask but stops with a small gasp when Loki suddenly stops, spinning Tony before pulling him so they’re chest to chest. 

_“and when you hold me like you do”_

Loki’s hand finds Tony’s and the other is tight on the small of the vampires back “-doing?” Tony’s voice went from harsh to soft in seconds and Loki smirks.

_“it feels so right, oh now”_

“I can’t dance with my husband on his birthday?” Loki asks innocently with a smile 

_“start to forget, how my heart gets torn”_

“You mean the guy you married while you were blacked out in Vegas?” Tony copies Loki’s tone and he has no choice but to follow Loki’s lead.

_“when that hurt gets thrown”_

“What if I told you I wasn’t blacked out?” Loki asks after a moment.

_“feeling like you, can't go on”_

it’s silent before Tony says “I wouldn’t believe you”

_“turning circles and time again”_

“As expected” Loki sighs “you think we have black and green rings for no reason?” Loki raises a brow 

_“cut like a knife. oh now”_

continues when Tony’s expression drops “people look at your ring and what do you think they would think of?”

_“If you love me, got to know, for sure”_

Tony looks at the green diamond on his finger on instinct “you” 

_“cause it takes something more this time”_

he thinks of Loki immediately and not because he’s dancing with him or the ring belongs to _their marriage_ but because it’s the exact same colour as Loki’s armor.

_“than sweet sweet lies oh now”_

“shouldn’t you be dancing with Damon?”

_“before I open up my arms and fall”_

“mention that again and I’m jumping out that window” Loki nods behind Tony where they both know is a 40 story drop

“ _losing all control”_

“so you were that wasted?”

_“every dream inside my soul”_

“all I remember is looking for Coda, getting more alcohol and then we were fighting”

_“when you kiss me on that midnight street”_

“where’s Lexi?” Tony asks so he has an excuse to look away from Loki’s lips

_“sweep me off my feet”_

“probably getting Stefan wasted, compelling the bartender for drinks”

_“singing ain't this life so sweet”_

“Fandral said not to get my hopes up”

_“this years love had better last”_

“you believe what Fandral says about me?” Loki’s voice rises and so does his eyebrow. Loki spins him again, but this time when he pulls Tony back in their noses brush against each other “the guy who’s been trying to get in my pants for nearly 600 years?”

Before Tony can laugh at that he’s suddenly pulled away from Loki, of course it’s Steve and he’s mad for some fucking reason.

_“this years love had better last”_

“do _not_ fall for him _again”_ Steve demands

“ _cause who’s to worry if our hearts get torn”_

“bold of you to assume i got back up” Tony retorts.

“ _when that hurt gets thrown”_

“what does that mean?”

_“don’t ya know that this life goes on”_

“you’re a smart old man” Tony pats his shoulder as he walks away “figure it out”

“ _Won’t you kiss me on that midnight street, sweep me off my feet, singing ain't this life so sweet”_

As he finds Nat he’s about to compliment her burgundy dress but suddenly Stefan and someone else approach him. 

She’s short, couple inches shorter than him even with heels, round green eyes, big lips, a cute little nose and her skin was _flawless_. “Tony this is Bonnie” Stefan says with a smile and Tony smiles back before holding a hand out to her.

“I’m sorry about what Damon did earlier” she says with a slight wince as they shake hands “he’s a bit of an asshole”

“Tell me about it, got my own diva to deal with” he smirks when she lets out a giggle “speaking of have you guys seen Loki anywhere?” he looks up at Stefan who shakes his head.

“I’ve been summoned” Tony jumps at Loki’s voice suddenly in his ear and his arm draped over Tony’s shoulders “hey beautiful what do you nee- _hello”_ Loki changes the subject as he finally spots Bonnie. Loki holds out a hand to her with a soft smile “the astounding Bonnie Bennett, heard great things about you”

She cautiously shakes his hand “really, like what?” she raises a brow, deciding to play along.

“Your Grams’ spoke very highly of you even though you were a child and not to mention the inside of Da-” Loki is cut off as Stefan suddenly slaps a hand over his mouth and pulls him away from Tony and Bonnie, hoping that Tony would somehow play that off.

“You need to stop or else I will lock you up” Stefan threatens as he pulls Loki over to a corner beside the bar “How did you know her Grams?”

“Good luck trying to lock me up and it’s only right for the galaxys most powerful sorcerer to know the bloodline of the strongest sorcerers on earth”

“You knew all the Bennetts?”

“Not all but quite a bit, Abby, Shiela, Ayana, Rose, Lucy, Emily and her brother Alec” Loki shrugs before stating “Abby never liked me much so she made sure to keep Bonnie away from me”

“Abby left Bonnie because she dessicated Mikael and lost her magic, Sheila raised Bonnie for most of her life” Stefan states with a frown

“Huh” Loki breathes as his gaze becomes vacant “that’s why she asked me for a desiccation spell”

* * *

“If you knew Ayana then you knew Esther?” Bonnie asks

“No, Ayana talked about her so I know who Esther is and what she did but I never met her, or else my mother would have stopped her dumb ass from making vampires” Loki states before he sighs, not believeing that he was dragged away from the party for this “why does it matter?”

“Then you could figure out which Bennett witch made the immortality spells and Bon Bon here could talk to her and ask how to undo it without the cure” Damon states before smirking.

“There’s thousands of bloodlines of witches out there, we don’t know if it was Bennetts” Loki says harshly and resists the urge to smile as Damons smirk falls “Bonnie is strong enough to do it herself” 

“I don’t have magic right now” she states.

“so how did you expect her to talk to her ancestors?” Loki asks loudly as he turns his attention towards Damon.

Damon’s quiet for a moment and Loki’s heart drops “I am not doing dark magic because you’re in love” 

“oh come _on_ ” the man whines.

“I went to purgatory, was consumed by dark magic and had my magic stripped before and I’m not going through it again because you’re in denial”

“in denial?” Bonnie repeats with a frowns, looking between the men for an explanation.

“point is, no matter how much torture or money you offer _I am not doing it_ ” Loki spits before he has to explain to Bonnie what he means 

“Loki” Damon whines again and Loki would love to rip his vocal chords out.

“why are you still here after earlier?” Loki spits, making both Damon and Bonnie flinch back from how harsh his tone is “I may let you live after that but you do anything to put my friends in harms way for your own selfish pleasure and I will rip you apart limb by limb”

“come on Loki please”

”are you this dumb or have you just forgotten I barely have enough magic to set your brain on fire” Loki spits back “luckily I don’t need my magic to kill you” he snarls before walking out.

As soon as he got back into the party Loki headed back to the bar and got _wasted_. It took a couple of hours but it was worth it and then it wasn’t when he heard an explosion and his vision faded to black.


	15. I’m tired and angry but somebody should be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> decodas a dick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rlly wanna finish this fic but I also feel like im kind of rushing it so thats why the chapters are shorter plus it feels better that way?? idk tho i still might abandon this fic even tho I don’t want to lmao (chapter title is from nightmare by halsey)

Loki heard a steady beeping and his nose twitched at the musky smell  _ “hey get up”  _ someone says as the smack his check not so gently  _ “Loki”  _ they drag out the last syllable and he starts to recognize that annoying voice so he opens his eyes and blinks quickly to get used to the brightness of the room “hey there old friend” Decoda smirks and Loki groans.

He looks around and sees a tray full of medical stuff and a heart monitor. He looked behind Decoda to see pale blue cupboards and a sink in the corner and then to his left to find the door and more cupboards “I’ll admit it’s shitty but it’ll do” Decoda shrugs and Loki looks down at himself.

He’s in a simple grey t-shirt and the pants from the party, barbwire wrapped around his wrists, ankles and waist along with leather straps and a chain. “little much don’t you think?” Loki mumbles as he drops his head back to the gurney.

“with you, no amount of restraints is enough” Decoda states “you’ll find a way out eventually we both know it and we both know that I cant stop you” Decoda hums as he turns around and picks up a scalpel from the tray behind him “so I’m going to stop wasting my time” he says happily as he stabs the scalpel into Loki’s cheek and his smirk falls when he gets nothing but a light groan.

“how’d you kill my brother?” Decoda snarls as he drags the scalpel down towards Loki’s mouth and his groans grow a bit louder but not loud enough for Decoda’s liking.

“dark magic” Loki hisses through clenched teeth “used my heart to stop his” Loki states and Decoda hums thoughtfully as he pulls the scalpel away. 

“what other plans did you have to kill him?” Decoda demands as he holds the scalpel an inch over Loki’s eye.

“was going to make him cross over the veil” 

“why didn’t you?”

“people crossing over kills the anchor” Loki states and then sighs “Tony died anyways” he huffs out a laugh but it’s interrupted by a yell as Decoda suddenly stabs the scalpel in his eye.

“I fucking hate you” Loki hisses as the barbwire digs into his wrist when he tries to cover his eye. He quickly calms down as he focuses his magic on healing his eye and he knows it works when Decoda smiles and he ignores his eye burning as he opens it.

“why’d my brother erase my memories of you?” 

“I wish I knew Codes” Loki shrugs ignoring the barbwire scraping against his wrists lightly, the pain is nothing to what Thanos put him through, anything Decoda is going to do he already endured.

“any other plans to kill him?”

“there’s not much ways so no, had some plans to trap him in a safe and throw it in the ocean” 

“he would get out easily”

“that’s why the safe would be spelled dickhead” Loki snarls and in response Decoda lifts up his shirt “the hell are you doing?” Loki asks as he looks down, his insides go cold with anxiety as Decoda suddenly presses the scalpel against his stomach.

“surgery” Decoda states happily and Loki drops his head back down with a loud sigh.

“have fun you sick fuck” Loki hums as he feels the scalpel dragging across his stomach, that’s not the bad part, it’s the second cut and the fucking hand  _ in  _ his body that make him yell in pain. 

Still doesn’t compare to Thanos.

* * *

The Avengers and SHIELD were  _ everywhere _ trying to find Thor, Tony and Loki. they got roadblocks, were monitoring for any social media posts about them, monitoring  _ every single camera on earth _ and they got fucking nothing, their technology and efforts were nothing compared to Decoda’s magic.

They were waiting for a call saying that the three were dead, no one admitted it but they were all waiting for that call and apparently that call was Loki, popping up in the middle of the conference room. Kneeling beside an unconscious Thor and Tony, dusty and bloody.

Loki immediately lets go of Thor and leans over Tony. Mariah and Bruce freeze seeing Tony’s lifeless eyes, still open.

“Tony hey wake up” Loki shakes him a bit and Tony’s head lulls too much for Loki’s liking “hey Tony no you can’t-” he let’s go and slumps back, falling onto his ass ungracefully. Loki gulps as Bruce slowly walks over, Loki runs his hand through his hair before letting out a shaky breath and getting back onto his knees “I can fix this” he whispers to himself as Bruce kneels on the other side of Tony.

Loki hovers his hands over Tony’s chest and focuses as hard as he can, but the green light doesn’t connect to Tony, doesn’t heal him, it simply hovers in Loki’s palms  _ “come on” _ he tries harder  _ “come on!” _

“Loki” Bruce says loudly and Loki’s head snaps up to look at him, his eyes wide and his breathing fast “he’s going to wake up” 

“This wasn’t supposed to happen” loki utters as he looks back down at Tony “this is my fault” he whispers and Bruce wasn’t supposed to hear him, but he did.

* * *

**An hour earlier**

Loki’s head throbbed as he opened his eyes and the ringing in his ears faded into a steady beeping. He blinks quickly to stop his eyes from burning, the bright colours in the room making it worse and he’s so sick of the uncomfortable fucking gurney he’s tied down to.

“ah you’re finally awake” Coda purrs and Loki fucking hates his voice “now I know I can’t  _ physically  _ torture you, last night proved that” Decoda smiles before raising his arms and Loki finally notices Thor and Tony passed out in their own gurneys on each side of Loki “that’s why they’re here” Decoda sing songs when Loki pulls against his restraints only to hiss in pain. 

“What do you want?”

“I need the cure” Decoda says happily, walking over to Tony “you’re gonna help me” he states, looking at Loki over his shoulder.

Lokis scoff fades into laughter “you’re stupid to think I’d help you, besides I don’t have i- _ holy fuck”  _ Loki doesn’t realize he swore, the sound of Decoda stabbing Tony and Tony jolting awake with a scream drowns out Loki’s voice.

“No wonder you don’t have friends” Tony jokes as he pants “this how you treat guests?” he grumbles trying to look at the wound on his arm but the restraints stop him 

Decoda ignores Tony, instead he presses the scalpel in his hand against Tony’s neck “why’d you leave?”

“I told you last night, I never loved Coda, the immortality shit made me realize how fucking crazy he was”

“so if he wasn’t immortal would you have stayed?” Decoda hums dragging the scalpel across Tony’s neck a bit more.

“yes yes I would have now  _ stop please! _ ” Loki’s breathing hard from yelling “he has vampire blood in his system”

“does that turn you off?” Decoda smirks

Loki’s face falls “what?”

“you like being with mortals, you like the thrill that everyday could be your last, it gives you  _ meaning _ ,  _ a purpose _ ” 

_ “fuck you he isn’t a fucking game _ ”

“so, you do want him mortal?” Decoda hums

“ _ I don’t want him to be a fucking vampire” _

Decoda smirks “too bad” he says with a tune before he snaps Tony’s neck.

_ “No!”  _ Thor yells, pulling against his restraints, not feeling the barbwire dig deeper into the gashes already in his wrists and Loki goes numb as his head falls back to the gurney harshly. He couldn’t look at Tony or Thor, he couldn’t look at anything but the light above him. His entire body is numb, nothing but a cold static, his chest heavy as his lungs fight to breathe and his heart is like a machine gun in his chest, he doesn’t notice his fists clench or a green glow shining from them but Thor does.

“Brother” he breathes out but Loki hears nothing but a white noise.

“Whatever you think of doi-” Decoda starts to choke on his words, that hollow spot between his collarbones are sunken in as he scratches as his throat attempting to breathe 

“What’re you doing?” Thor’s gaze darts between Loki and Decoda kneeling on the floor. Loki still hasn’t moved his gaze trained on the ceiling and Thor realizes that Loki doesn’t even know he’s doing this “brother” he says harshly to try and get Loki’s attention but it doesn’t work, the green light growing so bright that it makes Thors eye burn and he feels fear boiling in his bones. “Loki!” he yells over the sound of stuff falling off counters, cupboards and cabinets opening and Thor can’t tell if he’s losing control of his magic or just fucking pissed.

He never got an answer because the next second his ears started ringing and he feels his gurney tip over, his head smashing into the concrete so hard darkness consumes him.

* * *

_ “motherfucker”  _ Loki yells throwing a book across the room and he doesn’t even hear Lexi come in his room “ _ fuckin- I’m gonna rip his fucking head off and shove it up Elena’s ugly ass”  _ he yells and throws his desk chair across the room, making a dent in the wall and breaking the lamp 

“that’s a bit harsh” Lexi says calmly

_ “fuck fuck fuck fuck”  _ he says with every punch he throws at his dresser, literally breaking the top half and throwing it to the ground “ _ fucking stupid fucking blood drinking-“ _

“hey!” Lexi says offended 

“oh shut up you know I love you” he growls and flips his bed, breaking his bookshelf on the wall beside it  _ “fuck” _

“Loki he’s going to be okay” 

_ “I’m going to shove that cure so far down his fucking throat that- fuck”  _ he says running his hands through his hair and then throwing a punch at the wall, making a hole and breaking the rings on his fingers in the process.

_ “motherfucking goof ass-“ _ Loki says investigating the broken rings digging into his skin and drawing some blood

“Loki!”

_ “what?” _ he snaps and turns to find Nat and Bruce standing in his doorway with wide eyes.

“Tony’s awake”


	16. I won’t give up the fight for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve doesn’t know how to shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> title from “louder than bombs” by bts

“I can’t be a vampire” Tony breathes out, not looking up at Loki sitting on the coffee table in front of him.

“what about morgan?” Loki asks quietly despite already knowing the answer.

“I can’t risk hurting her” Tony states, see Loki knew it.

“you’ll hurt her more if you  _ die” _ Loki retorts “you’ve died before, you go and fight aliens and immortals. do you really think that doesn’t affect her?”

“How would you know?” Tony asks and he finally looks up at Loki

“ _ because I was Morgan!” _ Loki almost yells making Tony straighten up in shock “every time my father went to fight I would have nightmares, I would wake up _ screaming, crying and begging  _ for my father because I was so scared that he wouldn’t come back, I lost control of my magic and destroyed half the castle once because I was so scared that I would never see him again” Loki says quickly 

“I still see those nightmares in my head and it was over a thousand years ago” Loki almost whispers so his voice won’t crack or shake “don’t do that to her” 

“you’re just lying so Tony will turn” Steve says lowly, not looking up from the floor because Loki looks murderous as he turns to glare at Steve

“he’s not” Thor says harshly “took about six years to rebuild that part of the castle, nothing but calming spells would calm him down until my father came home” he says lowly

“he’s right Tony she-“ Bruce butts in “she was having nightmares too much when you were in purgatory”

“why am I just learning about this  _ now?” _ Tony leans forward and frowns harshly. Bruce had  _ months _ to tell him.

“you’re just giving Loki what he wants if you turn” Steve says before Bruce can answer Tony.

“I don’t want  _ anyone _ to turn” Loki says lowly as he slowly turns towards Steve behind him, sitting beside Thor. “I wouldn’t wish vampirism on  _ anybody _ that includes you  _ tough guy _ ” Loki continues and leans forward until he’s in Steve’s face “I want him to live” he says lowly looking Steve right in the eye.

”Tony can’t-“

”so you want him to die?” Loki interrupts Steve and he sees the super soldier gulp “because that’s what will happen if he doesn’t turn”

“so-” Loki fakes a smile and turns back towards Tony “-you can die, traumatize Morgan for life, break every heart in this room and thousands across the earth and find peace or you can live and watch Morgan grow up, be stronger and more powerful than you ever will be-“ 

Loki starts to walk away and Tony doesn’t take his eyes off of him as Loki heads for the elevator “-you can protect everyone you love, continue being earths best defender and  _ be happy _ ” he states as he steps into the elevator and presses a button “your choice” his voice is toneless and the doors close on him.

* * *

Loki put a sleeping spell on himself. He didn’t know what to do, he couldn’t force Tony to become a vampire because that’s just fucking cruel and he convinced him as best as he could. Vampirism is a curse, one of the worst ones and Loki knows it but Loki is also selfish, he can’t lose Tony, he doesn’t  _ want  _ to. But he just might.

Loki felt an uncommon weight on the side of his bed and he pries open an eye to find Tony laying on his side with his hands tucked under the side of his face and Loki frowns seeing that huge smile “wow Lexi was right” Tony breathes out as his smile falls “your eyes got even prettier” he states and Loki frowns again before it hits him.

“you  _ turned?” _ his voice cracks slightly and he doesn’t acknowledge Tony’s breath hitch at his hoarse voice.

“yep” Tony says happily before his expression falls and Loki feels his heart drop “I can’t do this anymore, we can’t keep doing this” Tony says with a sigh “I can’t sleep with you if that’s all it is”

“I know” Loki sighs before he sits up “so I’m leaving after we deal wi-“ 

“I didn’t mean that” Tony interrupts him and sits up as well.

“do you really expect us to be friends and live together after fucking around?”

“It never meant anything to you” Tony states, the words feel like poison on his tongue, heavy, painful and suffocating.

“you’re right, it didn’t” Loki’s gaze drops “the hugging, kissing-“ Tony feels a light touch on his finger “-holding your hand, talking about a family” Loki holds his hand, intertwining their fingers and Tony can’t move, it’s like he’s under a spell “that meant everything”

“so why are you leaving”

“because we can’t have-“ Loki’s cut off in a surprised hum when Tony smashes their lips together 

“I love you Loki Odinson” Tony mumbles against his lips before moving kisses up his jaw “God of Lies, Mischief and Hel” he says between kisses “nothing will stop me from fighting for us, including you” he says as he pulls back. “you push away good things, people that make you happy, why?”

“because if I don’t then they’re at risk” 

“I can protect myself just fine” 

“say that when you can take me down”

“so no more friends with benefits?”

“I don’t even know what that means” Loki mumbles as he leans down, catching Tony’s lips in another hard kiss but before Loki can get into it Tony pulls away with a sigh.

“Lexi’s supposed to teach me about self-control in a couple minutes” he says hesitantly and Loki can’t help but smile slightly knowing that Tony wants to stay with him.

“go” Loki says softly pressing a kiss to his forehead “I’ll be up after”

Tony nods before kissing Loki again and leaving.

* * *

Loki lied because an hour later he was still in his room but Tony wasn’t mad or bothered at all when he walked in and immediately laid down, pulling Loki along with him 

“This is for you” Loki holds a silver and blue ring between his fingers.

“we just got back together and you’re already proposing?” Tony frowns at the said ring held above him

“dipshit it’s a daylight ring” Loki says softly as Tony takes the ring and slips it on easily, the blue matching his green wedding ring. 

“where were you keeping this?” Tony asks as he experimentally sticks his hand in the sunlight just in front of his thigh and sighs when it doesn’t burn.

“my pocket dimension” 

“What else you got in there?” Tony smiles turning onto his side and ignoring the fact that he almost smashed their noses together

“mostly weapons and Lexis ring” 

“when’d you make these?” Tony asks looking at his tan hand contrasting against Loki’s pale chest, the blue and green rings making the difference more faded.

“when Lexi was teaching you about self-control” 

“hm” Tony nods and smiles as he looks up at Loki. 

“why do you look so happy?”

“because of you” Tony says his smile growing wider “I know I should be freaking the fuck out but-” Tony moves his hand up Loki’s chest to his neck and uses his thumb to stroke Loki’s sharp jawline softly “-you make me feel safe”

“sickness and in health, good times and bad, for rich or for p-“

“you gonna marry me?” Tony chuckles and Loki smiles before pressing their lips together.

“fuck you” Loki mumbles against Tony’s lips when he pulls Loki closer

“I wouldn’t mind that at all”

“hot vampire sex?” Loki raises a brow with a smirk when Tony pushes his shoulder so he lies on his back, his smirk molding into a dopey smile as Tony straddles him.

“hot vampire frost giant god sex” Tony corrects him and Loki’s face falls.

“not in the mood anymore” he grumbles as he pushes Tony off, quickly getting up and using his magic to put on a sweatshirt.

“Lokes” 

“fuck off Stark” he grumbles as he heads for the door.

He has to step back when Tony is suddenly blocking it, explains the gust of wind he felt and he’s probably never going to be used to Tony being a vampire, zooming around and shit.

“why are you mad?” Tony asks, not moving an inch.

“I’m not, now move”

“Lo” Tony almost whines

“Toe” Loki spits back and Tony looks unamused because it wasn’t the fucking time.

“how are we supposed to make this work if you won’t talk to me”

“maybe it’s n-“

“Lokes please talk to me” Tony begs and he frowns when Loki’s pupils go big for a split second.

“I’m a monster, Thor should’ve killed me long ago for being what I am” Loki deadpans and Tony feels himself take a sharp breath as his vision blurs from tears. “did-  _ did you just fucking compel me?” _ Loki almost yells because he  _ did not want to say that. _

_ “what is compulsion?”  _ Tony yells back and Loki sighs running both his hands down his face “you’re not a monster” Tony says softly and Loki turns around with a chuckle.

“you don’t even know what a Frost Giant looks like” Loki huffs as he sit on his bed.

“yes I do” Tony states softly as he walks up to Loki, lifting his chin to look up at Tony “show me and I will still love you as much as I do now” Tony smiles softly showing Loki that he can say no.

Loki sighs and wraps his arms around Tony’s waist, burying his face into his chest “Jötun, Asgardian or the crazy bitch that you are I’ll still love you” Tony says resting his chin on Loki’s head and playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck.

“you better not be lying to me” Loki mumbles and Tony’s eyes widen as he feels the skin under his hands turn cold. The hands on his back and the face buried in his chest turn cold.

He looks down and sees the skin under his hands are blue, he moves so that he’s sitting on the bed and he tugs on Loki’s hands to make Loki face him. Tony scans his blue skin and the raised silver lines with a small smile and he frowns a bit when he realizes Loki never opened his eyes. 

“look at me” he asks softly taking his hands from Loki’s and wrapping them around Loki’s neck like before, his thumb stroking a silver line leading down the side of his face and down the side of his neck “Lokes”

And finally, Loki opens his eyes revealing a vibrant red, the sclera of his eyes the same dark red that Tony has himself, the dark red that Tony hates but not on Loki. 

He loves how it looks on him “I love you” he says lowly telling Loki that he fucking means it “I fucking love you” he says again as he presses his lips to Loki’s and Loki takes a second to kiss back.

Tony sighs feeling Loki’s hands on his back and he moves so he’s on his knees and Loki has to look up to kiss him, he runs his thumb over that silver line as he straddles Loki’s thighs.

Just when he’s about to make Loki lay down Loki lifts him and moves up the bed so when he put Tony on his back his head hits the pillows. Tony moans softly when Loki kisses him again, hungry and messy, teeth clashing together and he uses the opportunity to use his vampire speed and strength to flip them over.

He never thought he would be happy to be a vampire but he was then when Loki took a sharp inhale and let out a moan as Tony’s fangs scraped over his throat lightly before licking that same spot “that was fucking hot” Loki breathes tilting his head back to give Tony more access to his neck.

“now you know how I feel when you do that shit to me” Tony mumbles between kisses, moving them lower until he reaches the collar of Loki’s shirt.

“wait no” Loki says quickly just when Tony pulls back to rip his sweatshirt off “we are not having sex in my Jötun form” he says harshly pressing a hand to Tony’s chest to make sure he doesn’t try and lean back in.

“Please?” Tony asks just as the blue startes to fade from Loki’s fingertips

“seriously?” Loki frowns and his hand drops from Tony’s chest “you  _ want to? _ ”

“ _ you don’t?”  _ Tony emphasizes his words by grinding his hips against Loki’s obvious hard dick and he smirks when Loki lets out a breathy moan “no offense Lokes but  _ you’re fucking hot _ like this” and the pale hand started turning back to blue.

“as long as you want-“ Loki’s words fade into a surprised hum as Tony kisses him hard and Loki thinks about using magic to take off their clothes but Tony rips his sweatshirt in half and he feels a wave of pleasure run through his veins.

He sits up and doesn’t break the kiss as they both get his torn shirt off and Tony throws it across the room carelessly, Loki immediately runs his hands down Tony’s neck all the way to his hips, making sure to brush the skin beside the arc reactor and he smiles when Tony shivers.

Tony knew that Loki was holding back before but  _ holy fuck _ he swears if he was human his fucking hips would be broken, not to mention they broke the fucking bed and Tony broke his phone somehow. He doesn’t give a fuck though because  _ jesus _ that was the best fuck of his life.

He doesn’t know if its because they haven’t touched each other in months, maybe less. He doesn’t care though because it was worth it.

Tony has Loki back

* * *

“I should’ve made this for you  _ a long  _ time ago” Loki states holding out the same ring as Tonys to Lexi.

“wait” her eyes go wide seeing the ring in Loki’s palm “are you serious?” she looks up at him with her jaw dropped and he frowns.

“yes?” 

“oh my god Lokes” she almost yells throwing her arms around him and pulls away before he could react “you don’t know how much you miss the sun after 300 years” she says happily taking the ring and slipping it on. 

Loki smiles as he watches her speed over to the window and she lets out a long sigh feeling the warmth of the sun against her skin “was it always this warm?” she asks nobody smiling down at the ring on her hand

“no” Tony states “suns warmer for me too” 

“speaking of” She turns around and her expression goes from joy to nothing, no emotion to her voice or tone as she says “you know that being a vampire heightens everything about you, that includes your personality. We love more powerfully, anger becomes rage, when you're sad, you're in despair. Grief, loss. It can cripple you, that's why so many of us turn our emotions off, it just becomes” she pauses for a second “too overwhelming.”

“don’t teach me how to do that” Tony says instantly “what’s compulsion?” he asks, remembering how he somehow got Loki to talk to him.

“mind control” Lexi states and Tony’s eyes go wide.

“Lokes I am  _ so sorr- _ “

“it’s okay Tony” Loki doesn’t lie. 

“what is he apologizing for?” Thor butts in with a frown.

“he compelled a couple of hours ago, without trying”

“wow” Lexi nods with a frown, obviously impressed “okay would you two be able to spend the day apart?”

“yeah” they both say simultaneously 

“okay well let’s go” 

“what’re we doing?” Tony asks as Lexi pulls him to the elevator

“I’m gonna hook you up with my blood guy, teach you the hearing, speed, strength, compulsion, all that” she smiles and Loki doesn’t notice himself smiling too.

* * *

“it feels so good to be in the sun” Lexi says happily as she stops and it takes Tony a couple steps to stop too, noticing they’re standing in a little clearing in the middle of the woods. “first of all, don’t go too long without feeding or else you’ll become weak, crazy and maybe dessicate” 

“do I  _ have _ to drink from humans?”

“no animal blood works just not as well so trust me, blood bags are the way to go, my guy delivers too” 

“skip the dishes but for vampires”

“basically” 

“so why are we in the woods?”

“close your eyes” Lexi says lowly and Tony does as told with a frown “focus on what you hear, smell, feel” he complies without a question and frowns when he suddenly hears some voices.

_ “is Tony safe with her?”  _ Steve of course and Tony opens his eyes looking behind Lexi through the trees where he can barely see the compound in the distance. 

_ “if she wanted to kill him she would’ve done it a long time ago”  _ Loki  _ “besides I wouldn’t let her”  _ the sound was weird, like he was hearing it through a phone. 

“don’t mind him” Tony says as he looks back to Lexi “Steve’s a nervous wreck ninety-eight percent of the time”

“I know, his heart is  _ very  _ loud” she states and her face lights up as she says “you can use that to tell when people are lying”

“yeah yeah lets get to the vamp speed” 

“you’re so calm about this”

“you did say that my personality would be doubled” 

“I expected you to be a bigger smart ass not calmer” 

he shrugs “maybe it’s a good thing”

she presses her lips together before shaking her head “I like asshole Tony” she states then claps her hands together with a smile “okay, the speed you just use all your strength, push off with everything you’ve got”

He licks the inside of his cheek before doing as told and suddenly he’s  _ so much closer  _ to the compound to the point he can’t drown out the voices.

_ “Lexi loves you but she doesn’t know us!”  _ Steve yells

_ “and I know Lexi and I know she won’t fucking touch him!”  _ Loki yells back and Tony jumps, snapping out of it when Lexi suddenly appears beside him.

She’s wearing a frown as she looks at the compound and it makes guilt burn in all his bones to the point he wants to puke, Lexi wasn’t wrong when she said his emotions would be ten times stronger.

He huffs before using all his strength and within seconds he’s at the elevator inside the compound lobby. “never going to get used to that” he grumbles to himself as he takes the elevator to the top floor.

_ “If you really love him-“  _

_ “you better shut it Johnny Bravo”  _ and Tony can’t help but smirk at the fact that his habit for giving nicknames rubbed off on Loki.

“both of you shut the fuck up” he spits as the elevator doors open, Steve taking a step back from Loki and both of them looking at him with wide eyes “I can hear you two dickheads yelling from way over that way” Tony waves at the fridge, motioning to where he and Lexi where.

Wanda and Peter sat on the couch closest to the elevator, Nat and Sam sitting on the couch across from them and they were just watching Steve and Loki argue like it was normal because by now it might as well be.

“are you okay?” Steve asks his wide eyes fading into concern.

“I’m fine” Tony spits and turns to find Lexi walking out of the elevator “see she’s not covered in blood and I’m not hurt so please Steve-“ Tony’s voice raises “can you fix your panties and calm the fuck down for once?” Loki visibly hides his smirk at that and Tony uses his hands to brace his weight against the back of the couch.

Tony face suddenly falls, becoming vacant as his gaze shifts to Steve’s chest “huh, you’re right” he utters looking at Lexi briefly before looking back at Steve “his heart  _ is loud” _

“anyways” Lexi smiles and walks over to the fridge “perfect time to test your self control” Lexi says before pulling out a blood bag, easily changing the subject.

“This-“ Steve tries to protest, obviously scared Tony would lose control.

“Hey Petrie shut it or get out” Loki snarls and Tony is surprised Loki was watching the land before time with him that time in purgatory, he thought Loki was sleeping.

“I don’t even know who that is” Steve grumbles as he heads for the stairs, Wanda taking the opportunity and leaving too.

“ _ you’ve never watched the land before time?”  _ Peter yells making Tony flinch

“you should leave too” Tony says at the same time that Lexi yells “okay I need a volunteer!” 

Peter being thr closest starts to roll up his sleeve and Tony pushes his hand back down “No, I am not-“

“wait no” Loki butts in “caring about him could help you control yourself” He states and Tony frowns “also I change my mind you’re Petrie now” Loki says looking at Peter and so does Tony before he looks at Lexi beside him who nods in agreement.

“fine, okay fine” he breathes and Peter sits up better, holding his arm out over the back of the couch and Lexi hesitates before biting into his wrist.

Peter lets out a little hiss and Lexi pulls back immediately muttering an apology. When Tony sees the blood well up at the two puncture wounds he feels his tongue become a hundred pounds, his throat like sandpaper and his eyes must’ve done that ugly thing he hates because Lexi places a hand on his shoulder “breathe Tony”

He listens and lets out a couple breaths and he sees Lexi nod in the corner of his eye, she holds out a blood bag and his gaze flicks between Peter’s wrist and the blood bag. Peter never showed fear, never showed anxiety and Tony never even heard his heart pick up. Tony seen nothing but trust and admiration and yep, it was a good idea to use Peter he realizes as he grabs the blood bag from Lexi.

“oh my god I’m gonna be sick” Natasha mutters as Tony rips open the blood bag and she rushes to the stairs to get out of there.

“you’ve gotta be the strongest newborn I met” Lexi mutters as she watches him take a couple gulps of the blood “apart from Damon but my statement still stands” she shrugs and bites into her wrist and Peter hesitates before drinking her blood.

“weird considering he’s impulsive as hell” Sam finally speaks up.

“we still never found out the bad parts of me that were amplified” Tony says with a sigh as he bring the blood bag down from his lips.

“what bad parts?” Loki raises a brow and plops down on the couch as far from Peter as possible 

“Impulsive, jealous, insecure, narc-“

“genius, loyal, handsome,  _ selfless _ , brave, creative, confident, comit-“

“okay okay stop” Tony interrupts Loki who smirks “can you teach me compulsion now?”

“well we need someone who doesn’t drink vervain”

“I don’t” Loki says emotionlessly as he picks at his nails.

“I am not mind controlling you” Tony says harshly.

“I don’t drink vervain” Thor says as he suddenly appears from the stairs and walks towards the fridge.


	17. no matter what we do, we get caught up in shit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fuck

Tony caught on quickly, like he did with everything and by the end of the week he started forgetting he was a vampire, if it wasn’t for the constant craving of blood, the fact that he can take on Loki and Thor now and the shit ton of powers he has. He probably would have forgotten altogether despite Lexi calling once a week to check on them while she helps the Salvatore bros.

“that’s not fair” Tony grumbles as Loki lets him out of the choke hold he had him in “you can’t teleport”

“you have vamp speed, I have teleporting” Loki smiles before he throws a jab and Tony dodges it without thinking. Loki throws more non-stop and Tony grumbles at how fast Loki is, fast enough that he got a hit in.

Tony quickly recovers seeing as Loki wasn’t using all his strength and he snaps back just in time to catch Loki’s next hit, he pulls on Loki’s fist and when Loki’s back is pressed to his chest, Tony wraps an arm around Loki’s neck making sure that Loki could easily get out of it, he knew that Loki hated people touching his neck, he always tensed up or moved away when people did.

Hell Loki probably didn’t even feel it considering that Loki easily flips Tony over onto his back and before he could get up Loki is hovering over him, one knee on each side and Tony shouldn’t feel a wave of heat seeing Loki holding a dagger just over his heart, obviously it wouldn’t kill him seeing as it’s not wood but it would fucking hurt.

“your enemies don’t care what’s fair” Loki states as he scans Tony under him with a smirk “to them it’s simply an advantage” he says lowly and has to hold back a moan when Tony growls before pulling him down into a hard, hungry kiss.

“If I’m going to find you guys like this all the time I don’t know if I could stand you two” Thor says from the doorway and walks over to stand near a punching bag

Loki sits up instantly “sparkles” he greets like nothing happened as he gets up from the floor.

“we’re going out to look for Coda”

“I’m coming” Tony states as he gets up from the floor.

Loki rolls his eyes as he follows them out of the room “told you that you wont find him unless he wants you to”

“don’t be a negative nancy” Tony retorts as they walk down the hall to the elevator. 

“not negative, I’m realistic”

“so is Tony but he has faith” Thor says with a knowing hum.

“that’s because Tony doesn’t know Coda” Loki spits back without missing a beat “the guy is native, he’s like six hundred meaning he could be in the fucking north pole or up in the mountains somewhere” 

“okay good point” Tony says before they get into the elevator and he presses a button for the top floor. “What do you do when you’re alone here?”

“mostly read”

“that’s it?”

”yep” Loki deadpans and Tony frowns, Loki’s heart picked up just a tiny bit.

* * *

Sometimes Loki hated how much he loves Tony, he didn’t want to go anywhere because he knew that those stupid humans with cameras would follow them.

“can we go home?” Loki asks for the hundredth time “I can literally materialize clothes and I’m bout to smash their cameras”

“you wanna go home that bad?” Tony frowns and holds Loki’s hand without realizing 

“please” 

“okay but I want chicken nuggets first” Tony says happily putting a jacket back onto the rack and notices his hand in Loki’s when Loki gently pulls him towards the door.

As they step out Tony sees Loki flick his finger and suddenly all the cameras in the paparazzis hands go crashing to the ground and Tony has to bite back a smirk when he hears several cracks.

“everybody’s going to be talking about us” Tony says as they get to his car down the street, easily sliding into it and starting it up.

“I know” Loki says as he puts on his seatbeat to avoid the stupid beeping the car makes when he doesn’t wear it 

“you don’t care?” Tony asks as he pulls out onto the road, speeding through the green light and taking less popular roads so they can get home faster.

“why would I?” Loki frowns for a second before smiling seeing Tony concentrate on driving. Loki loved how his eyebrows knit together a tiny bit, how he would bite his lip or press them together tightly, his gaze hard as he focuses all his attention on the road.

“you cared what our friends thought” Tony states his fingers tapping against the gear stick 

_“your friends”_ Loki corrects

“our friends” Tony corrects Loki correcting him “otherwise you wouldn’t care what they would think”

“living together and caring what they think does not make them my friends” 

“I think they would be offended hearing you”

“their own fault” 

“you care, protect and help them, they care, protect and help you”

“no the don’t” Loki states before muttering “you forgot your chicken nuggets” and laughing quietly when Tony swears and then whines.

* * *

“didn’t expect you here” Loki states seeing Natasha sitting at a barstool, sipping a cup of water “bad night?” he asks, pouring his own drink.

she shrugs taking a sip “can’t sleep” she sighs harshly 

_“phantamogriphia decorum”_ he whispers into his cup before taking a shot and he smiles seeing Natasha’s eyes go wide and her mouth falling open in awe as she scans the thousands of stars above them

“Tony told me about this” she whispers with a small smile “he also told me what you said earlier”

“technically it was yesterday”

“everyone needs a family Loki” Nat almost whispers “don’t throw it away because you don’t think you deserve it”

“I’m not related to anyone here by blood, not even Thor so no, I don’t have a family” he states “never have”

“That’s not true”

“Okay let’s see” he clears his throat and leans against the counter 

“my birth father left me on a frozen rock to die as a baby, never knew shit bout my mom. My other father took me as a pawn for war, my mother did nothing but gaslight me, said I was over reacting about how my father treated me and shit like that, Thor and my so called friends spent a thousand years degrading me and criticizing everything I did” 

he takes a breath before continuing “my father said and I quote _your birthright was to die_ , wasn’t allowed to my mothers funeral, my father didn’t even have a trail for the battle of New York, didn’t want to hear a word I said and never allowed my mother or brother to visit me not to mention the infertility spell he had on me for all my life despite the fact that he knew I wanted to be a father-”

“What about now?” Natasha interrupts and stops fiddling with her cup to look up at him “do you still want kids?”

“You want the truth?” He downs his drink and pours another after he sees Nat nod “I do” he states emotionlessly “Tony’s a vampire besides I don’t know if the spell broke or not”

“There’s only one way to find out” she almost whispers before she downs the rest of her drink “well I’m going to try and sleep” she states as she gets up “night Loki”

“Night” he doesn’t hear himself say it as he zones out, staring into his drink

Even so, Tony is a vampire. So even if the spell did break he wouldn’t be able to have kids with the person he wants to have kids with. Sure he could come up with a spell, adjust a daylight ring spell and add in a fertility spell. If he does though, the spirits and nature would be fucking mad, he doesn’t know if he would be forgiven if he did.

The one thing you aren’t supposed to do is fuck with life and death, he’s lucky he got out of purgatory for killing Suna but now that he thinks about it he was doing them a favour, immortality is one of the worst kinds of spells to use and since Tony is considered immortal he wouldn’t be able to do it. 

* * *

“so how is it being a vampire” Bruce speaks up seeing as it's only him Loki and Tony walking together to go to a debriefing

“It was tingly, then I fed and I felt like pure power, like all the energy in my body was cranked up, the sight and hearing I’m still getting used to, food tastes better, drinks are weaker” he shrugs

“what about the blood?”

Tony’s gaze goes flat, dark “it was weird, the metallic taste. Then it felt like electricity, a million stars exploding in my mind at once, it’s incomparable, like nothing I’ve ever felt before”

 _“All Agents, we have found the serial killer”_ they hear Fury’s voice over the intercom and they stop, frowning at each other because Fury said this was a debriefing _“your orders are to terminate Loki Odinson, shoot on sight”_


	18. can’t hold me down cause you know i’m a fighter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when you gotta go, you gotta go

Loki’s heart drops as his gaze shifts to some agents down the hall and as he sees them begin to move he pushes Tony and Bruce to the ground, he uses his foot to push Bruce behind a pillar and uses his own body to block the bullets from hitting Tony.

They have no time to talk Tony realizes as he was about to say something but the bullets stop, replaced by a clicking sound and Tony knows they ran out of ammo.

Loki waves a hand towards them and Tony sees them fall to the ground, a black dagger sticking out of their necks and he flinches when an alarm starts to go off, the natural light of the room turning into a red glow from warning lights lining the halls.

“Why would Fury do this?” Banner asks as he quickly gets up.

“You tell me” Loki spits back “he probably thinks I made up Deco-” Loki stops as he sees more agents emerging from the hall behind Bruce and Tony “- _ fuck _ ” 

before he can think he pulls Bruce into his chest and pushes Tony out the window beside them as he turns around and he was just in time because a knife sinks into the spot between his shoulder blades, a couple seconds later and that knife would be in the back of Bruce’s head. 

Before the agents can attack again he quite literally flops out the broken window, still holding Bruce and only letting go once they hit the ground. 

Loki yells as the knife digs deeper and he pushes Bruce off of him, rolling over onto his stomach, his fingers digging into the grass beneath him to try and cope with the pain shooting through his chest, back and up into his head from the knife pushed into his body. 

He reaches back to try and pull it out but it’s in just the right spot so he can’t fucking reach it, his fingers barely grazing the dull handle protruding from his skin. He forgot he was with Tony and Bruce until the knife was ripped out of his back and Tony bites into his own wrist to heal him.

Tony kneels down and offers his wrist “No” Loki pushes him away as he sits back up, looking over the compound behind them, people running all sorts of ways through the lobby but nobody notices them which is good “vampire blood can’t heal gods, it can only turn us”

“That’s fucking deep Loki” Tony states, his eyes growing wide when Loki hums in agreement before saying “and I’ll live, it’ll heal in under ten minutes-” Loki spins around investigating the floors of the SHIELD headquarters as he hears more gunshots.

“Nat, Thor, Steve- they’re all up there” Bruce breathes out as he too investigates the SHIELD building.

“Shit- you guys stay-” before Loki could finish his sentence Tony disappears in a blur and Loki groans “-here” Loki pinches the bridge of his nose “ok Bruce stay here” Bruce nods, knowing he can’t help without the hulk. 

“Wait what if someone sees me?” Loki stops with a groan before grabbing Bruce’s hand

_ “Invisique”  _

He drops Bruce’s hand “now you’re invisible to everyone but me so stay here, we can’t lose you while we’re fighting” he states and Bruce nods, Loki disappears in a green glow without hesitation and shows up on the third floor.

Wanda is using her powers to block the entrances, so more agents won’t get in, Pietro,Vision and Tony zooming around the room, Thor and Steve fighting side by side and Loki can’t help but smile seeing that they aren’t killing them, just putting them to sleep for an hour or twelve. Bucky and Sam somehow still bickering while fighting, Peter occasionally interrupting them by stealing their kill or simply just being a smart ass and Loki snaps out of it when he sees Tony rip into somebodys throat.

_ “what the fuck”  _ Loki groans, ripping Tony off the now dead SHIELD agent and turning Tony around to face him “the whole fucking reason we were training is so  _ you wouldn’t kill anybody” _ Loki scolds and Tony shrugs him off 

“I got hungry” he states like it’s nothing and Loki straightens with a frown, not believing that Tony is serious.

“I assume you’re joking”

“I’m a vampire Lokes- _ shit” _ Loki sees Tonys eyes go wide and before he could turn around Tony pulls him to the ground and flips a table to cover them in seconds. 

“I’m bulletproof-“ Loki starts to say but suddenly bullets are flying through the desk behind them and Loki kicks the desk so hard it goes rolling, crushing the people shooting at them. “help Nat I got Sam” Loki states seeing Nat struggling with four agents and Sam somehow got his damn wings disabled.

“Fury knows it’s Decoda-“ Sam states as he knocks out a guard “-why’d he say its you?”

“because he hates me?” Loki suggests as he throws some knives at the guard beside Sam, nearly grazing the mans neck as they fly by him.

_ “what the hell?” _ Sam yells, his eyes wide and Loki simply rolls his eyes.

“they’re after me” Loki states

“really? I haven’t noticed” Sam says sarcastically and Loki rolls his eyes again.

“If I go they’ll come after me and leave you guys alone” Loki states before turning around but a hand on his arm stops him.

“this isn’t even a  _ quarter _ of SHIELDS men”

“you seem to forget I’m the most powerful sorcerer in the galaxy” Loki smirks “ _ apné sà mene” _ Loki whispers before stepping back “now no SHIELD agents can leave the building”

“what about us?” Sam frowns 

“technically you’re an avenger, not SHIELD” Loki smirks “and duck” he states seeing an agent sneak up behind Sam.

Sam’s eyes go wide before he ducks and Loki knocks out the agent with a simple backhand.

Loki doesn’t waste time so he focuses and suddenly he pops up outside the lobby. Banner still waiting where he left him, pacing and picking at his chin.

“oh thank god” Bruce breathes out seeing Loki “are you okay?” Bruce asks quickly as he meets Loki halfway.

“I’m fine nice to see you too and we have no time to talk” Loki blurts before grabbing Bruce’s hand and focusing, drowning out Bruce asking what the hell he’s doing.

He opens his eyes when he hears Bruce gasp loudly and as expected they’re at the compound, he doesn’t say another word as he rushes down the stairs to his room and starts packing shit using a small duffel bag from the closet.

A year ago he would’ve been glad to leave, he would’ve happily packed his bags and took one of Tony’s cars, without permission of course, and leave.

But that was when he didn’t care about them, when he didn’t have some sort of an attachment to them.

The complete opposite of him now.


	19. tomorrow is another day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> loki says peace out

Loki packed his shit haphazardly, he was probably forgetting a lot of things, one thing being Tony and Loki’s old wedding ring. Point is that by the time he was done packing and able to find which car belonged to the sleek keys in his hand, the sun was set and the sky was a pastel pink and purple from the transition of day to night. 

“what the hell are you doing?” Loki asks as Tony slides into the car easily and settles in with a smile.

“coming with you” Tony states like this is normal and throws his bag in the backseat “you aren’t taking  _ my car  _ without taking me too”

“what about Morgan, Peter? You can’t leave them”

“I’ll come back to them”

“Tony” Loki says lowly, the guilt starting to creep in.

“I could always come back, whenever I want and if you leave. I don’t know if I’ll ever see you again” Tony says lowly.  Loki knows that he won’t win this one unless he physically kept Tony at the compound but he didn’t want to do that, he wanted Tony to come with him.

Loki also doesn’t want to keep Tony from their friends, he didn’t want Tony to get hurt because of him.

“you’re not going to say goodbye?” Loki frowns and Tony smiles before pulling out his phone.

“you’re so stubborn” Loki mutters with a shake of his head and Tony shrugs before saying “should you drive because last I knew you couldn’t drive”

“incorrect, I just never mentioned that I could drive” Loki states as he starts up the car and tbe ringing on the phone stops.

_ “tony oh my god”  _ Steve breathes in relief  _ “where are you we’ll come get you” _

Tony lets out a short laugh, too short and it makes Steve swallow thickly “this is what that is about” Tony breathes as he turns around to watch the compound fade away as they head down the road into the woods “SHIELD is after Loki, I’m going with him”

_ “wait Tony no you guys would be recognized instantly”  _ Stefan says quickly and Tony frowns at the concern in his voice 

“unless there was no Loki” Loki smirks as his grip tightens on the wheel and Tony sees a green glow slowly traveling up his arms. 

“what-“ Tony starts to ask seeing as the green glow leaves behind thinner arms and fingers.

“ _ brother please don’t turn into Rogers again” _

_ “again?”  _ Steve asks loudly and Tony freezes seeing Loki, but not Loki.

Her hair is just past her shoulders, face still the same except her lips are bigger and her eyes narrowed a bit. If they weren’t on the run Tony would probably be turned on.

“so are you Thors sister now?” Tony asks after a moment of silence and Loki lets out a soft laugh.

“ _ Lucy!” _ Thor says happily from the other side and Loki groans  _ “or is it Lori I can’t remember”  _

“you’ve given me so many names I don’t remember either” Loki states and Tony feels his heart clench at her soft but strong voice.

_ “call us everyday”  _ Steve says lowly and Tony agrees with a hum  _ “I mean it Tony” _

“yeah I know cap” Tony groans and rubs his forehead.

“we gotta toss our phones” Loki states and Tony’s head shoots up from where he was leaning it against the window.

_ “he’s right they’ll be tracking your phones”  _ Nat speaks up and Loki raises a brow towards Tony who deflates with a sigh.

“if payphones still work we’ll use those” 

“ _ okay stay safe Tony _ ” Cap says quietly and Tony can already see tears in his eyes  _ “look after him Loki, don’t get caught”  _

“you underestimate me to the point that it’s sad”

_ “ignore him”  _ Thor advises  _ “you look after yourself too Loki, i don’t want to find out you got caught or died because you were protecting Tony” _

“can’t promise that”

_ “just try please?”  _ Thor says shakily  _ “you said I wouldn’t lose you again _ ”

“you’re not going to” 

_ “I’m holding you to that Loki, I love you”  _

“Love you too” he almost whispers and there’s shuffling on the other end. Tony doesn’t mention Loki’s watery eyes as Natasha suddenly speaks up.

_ “anything happens to you two and I will bring you back to life to kill you myself” _

“love you too Nat” Tony deadpans.

_ “shut up, don’t die” _ and the line beeps, signalling that she hung up.

“so you wanna see Morgan?” Loki asks and Tony sighs seeing the moon rising over the trees.

“yeah”

* * *

“where are you going dad?” Morgan asks as she pulls away from Tony’s hug.

“yeah where  _ are  _ you going Tony?” Pepper crosses her arms

“I’m going on a trip and I wish i could take you” he smiles sadly and Morgan frowns before something behind him catches her eye and he turns to see Loki outside, leaning against the car and on the phone. 

“who’s that daddy?” Morgan frowns harder because it’s not the Loki she’s used to.

“it’s Loki, how ‘bout you go talk to them while I talk to mom?” he smiles when she smiles and wiggles out of his arms to run outside to Loki.

“you’re going to leave Morgan for  _ Loki?” _

“Pep, I’m keeping her safe”

“ _ how?”  _ she almost yells “you’re going to be thousands of miles away how is that keeping her safe”

“SHIELD is after Loki, they could come for me and  _ us _ ”

“they wouldn’t do that” 

“really?” he crosses his arms too “explains the dozens of SHIELD agents shooting at me just a couple hours ago”

Pepper sighs harshly “Morgan needs you”

“Morgan needs to be safe” he says harshly “I could come home anytime I want but Loki is running for their life and if I don’t go then I may never see them again”

“how is everything about Loki?”

“I love them Pep” he states and Pepper deflates “and I would like to spend as much time with them before SHIELD kills them, Morgan can live a couple months without me” 

“would you have done this for me?” Pepper suddenly asks and Tony feels his bones burning with anger “would you have left everybody and everything for me?”

“I had nothing when I was with you” Tony states “so yes I would have” 

“but now you have everything, a family and a daughter. You love him so much you’ll give that up?”

“I’m not giving  _ anything _ up” Tony spits making Pepper gulp loudly “I love them more than I love myself but Morgan is still at the top of my list, don’t doubt that” he says harshly before turning towards the door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tony unknowingly calling loki “them” (I’m projecting but I love when people do that to me) 
> 
> also plsss tell me what you think because it gives me motivation:))


	20. run boy run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> morgan and loki :((

“Loki!” Morgan says happily as she runs out the door and hugs her leg before Loki can even say hello.

“Hey Máni” she says with a fake smile as she easily scoops Morgan into her arms and she immediately throws he arms around Loki’s neck, giving Loki one of the best hugs she’s had since her mother died and it made her heart stutter. 

“where are you and daddy going?” she looks Loki up and down before frowning and Loki smiles at how cute she is “why are you a girl?”

“because I feel like it” she shrugs “we’re going for a trip, your dad has to help me with-“ Loki pauses as she thinks “-work” 

“oh” she frowns a bit before smiling again “I’m gonna miss you” and Loki freezes.

“I’ll miss you too Máni” 

“Morgan” her smile fades into a pout and Loki smiles harder.

“you may be Morgan but you’re my Máni” 

“fine” she pouts harder “only you though” 

“okay” Loki laughs softly making Morgan smile “anyone else calls you that, you tell me and I’ll deal with them, okay?” and she nods vigorously 

“Maguna” Tony says happily as he walks out of the house, Pepper quickly appearing behind him so Loki puts Morgan down.

“wait wait” she says quickly and Loki squats down.

“what?” she raises a brow and Morgan doesn’t say anything as she hugs Loki again making her gasp softly and she runs back to Tony before Loki can hug back.

“how long will you be gone daddy?” Morgan asks as Tony picks her up

“not long” he smiles sadly “be good for mom okay? I’ll call everyday”

“okay” she says happily as she hugs Tony and he lets out a shaky breath, he was supposed to be his turn with her in a couple days “I love you 3000”

“I love you too” he kisses her forehead so she doesn’t see his eyes water

* * *

“are you sure you still want to come?” Loki asks “I could turn around if you don’t want to”

“I love you Loki, I thought we would have thousands of years but we don’t. I’m not wasting it”

“you don’t have to do this to prove that you love me” 

“I’m doing this because I love you, not because I’m trying to prove a point” Tony states taking Loki’s hand from the gearstick and intertwining their fingers

“okay” Loki sighs “where do you want to go?”

“Vegas” Tony says absently as he investigates Loki’s thin pale fingers, black painted nails and rings. 

“Vegas?” Loki asks and Tony can hear a smile in her voice as Loki’s thumb moves to stroke the back of his hand

Tony smiles loving the warmth that causes, the simple affection full of love “yeah”

“we could go anywhere in the world, go up North and see the Northern Lights, go see the pyramids, go to the eiffel tower and you want to go to Vegas again?” 

“you liked it there” Tony states “I like when you’re happy”

“you have to compel us a hotel” 

“I’m going to be doing a lot of that aren’t I?”

“yep” 

“lexi was right” Tony smiles investigating Loki’s leather jacket and black skinny jeans “you do look hot in leather jackets” 

“shut up” Loki can’t help but laugh.

“What does Máni mean?”

“Moon” Loki utters “she was the goddess of the moon, controlled when it would rise and set, she was smart and well adjusted, like Morgan”

“are you genderfluid too?”

“what?”

“well the mythology books were right about your shapeshifting so I was wondering if it-“

“genderfluid means?”

“your gender identity and expression changes”

“I’m me” Loki states with a shrug “first last and always”

“why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“it doesn’t matter, man, woman or neither I am still Loki” 

“I mean like your pronouns”

“I don’t care for pronouns, they, he she. Whatever you want” 

“so you wouldn’t care if i called you he right now?”

“no”

“why?”

“because either way I’m me, I know it and you know it” Loki sighs “Pronouns, my appearance or what is in between my legs doesn’t change that” 

“sorry I just don’t really understand it much”

“it’s okay” Loki smiles before intertwining their fingers again “you don’t have to”

* * *

Tony fell asleep by Pittsburgh and he woke up from his head falling forward and Loki putting the car in park “where are we?”

“Chicago, I’m tired” Loki states as Tony looks over the shitty looking building in front of them “got us McDonalds” Loki nods to the food on the seat between them and gets out of the car. 

“since when do you like McDonalds?” Tony asks as he peers into the paper bag and hears the trunk open.

“since your kid gave me a chicken nugget” Loki states as she grabs their bags and walks towards the hotel “come on” 

“Peter isn’t my kid” Tony grumbles as he grabs the McDonalds and their phones, following Loki to the door.

“the fact you knew i was talking about him says otherwise” Loki smirks “I could have been talking about Morgan for all you knew”

“you call Morgan  _ Máni _ so I knew you were talking about the kid”

“you got me there” Loki states as she walks backwards into the building, using her ass to open the door “pretty nice for only 60 bucks a night” Loki hums seeing the white marble floors and black sleek walls, black couches and arm chairs littering the lobby and a dark wood desk.

Tony instantly heads to the receptionist to compel her as Loki scans the white sparkly lights hanging from the ceiling and looking down the hall to her left to see a couple elevators, a set of double doors at the end of the hall and another on the wall beside it, two women occupying armchairs across from the doors.

“room 202” Tony says, snapping Loki out of it and they head to the elevators together, Loki not taking her eyes off of the couple of women sitting in the arm chairs down the hall until they get in the elevator and she only relaxes once they’re in their room and the door is locked.

it’s nice, a little closet with mirror sliding doors to the right of the door, a bathroom to the left. A bed in the middle of the room with nice tan duvets, a flat screen sitting on top of a dark wooden dresser in front of the bed, a table with a coffee maker, a microwave, a little black plastic container with tea bags, coffee, sugar, coffee cream and two mini fridges underneath.

at the end of the room by the window is another table with a chair and a mirror above the desk, like a vanity. 

“is it bad I expected it to be way worse?” Tony asks as he takes the bags from Loki and puts them in the closet.

“no” Loki says with a sigh as she plops down onto the bed and a second later Tony plops down beside her.

“hi” she says with a lazy smile

“I love you” 

“I love you too” she mumbles back before pushing herself up and off the bed “shower with me” 

“I thought you said you were tired?”

“we can shower without having sex”

“ok because I’m tired as hell” he grumbles as he gets up and follows Loki into the bathroom.

It was way bigger than expected. one wall had the two sinks with a giant mirror, a shower with frosted glass and a toilet in the corner beside it. 

Loki noticed that Tony was cuddly when he was tired but Loki didn’t complain when he pulled Loki into a hug and pushed Loki’s jeans down her hips himself “what if I change my mind?” he asks as he dips his head to kiss up her neck, trying not to smile as he realizes that Loki’s an inch shorter than him now.

“I wouldn’t complain” Loki retorts as she pulls back and catches his lips in a hard kiss, her hands dipping under his shirt and pushing it up, signalling for him to get it off and while he does she pushes her jeans completely off.

* * *

Loki shouldn’t have had a good sleep considering she's on the run but she did, Tony’s arms around her made it much better.

Until Tony started worrying.

“is there even a payphone around here?” He asks before his face drops “what am I going to do about blood bags? it’s not like I can rob a hospital”

“you can drink from me or I can rob hospitals”

“we can’t rob anywhere Lokes we’re on the run”

“then drink from me” she states as she holds out her wrist 

“no” Tony spits without missing a beat and Loki sighs before pulling her sleeve down and dropping her hand.

“I wouldn’t take so much that the hospitals would notice” Loki informs him “about 6 or 7”

“we can’t-“

“nobody knows this me”

“Still Lokes-“

“I should be the one worrying my brain to shit, not you but if it makes you feel better I’ll use the invisibility spell”

“why do you want to do it so badly?”

“because if you drink from me you’ll feel so guilty you’ll probably die, I’m not letting you go crazy or dessicate”

“fine then” Tony sighs before he changes the subject “so we need to go find a payphone”

“I could use astral projection” Loki suggest happily.

“wouldn't your astral form have to walk there?”

“if I focus hard enough I can send it straight there, so you’ll need to stay quiet and not bother me for a minute”

“you say that like I can’t do that”

“you have your hands on me 24/7 Tony” Loki deadpans as she raises a brow and nods to Tony’s hand on her calf.

“okay, I’m going to go brush my teeth and stuff then” Tony says as he climbs off the bed 

“Tony” Loki says suddenly, stopping Tony before he can disappear around the corner.

“yeah?” he asks softly noticing that Loki’s voice was quieter, like he didn’t want Tony to hear him but he did at the same time.

“I love you”

Tony can’t help but smile “I love you too” and he disappears.

* * *

“do you think they’re okay?” Bruce asks quickly, looking between Bucky sitting on the counter and Steve and Thor on the couch across from him.

“if they were found Fury would have told us” Steve states before he starts to eat his BLT.

Bucky gets Bruce’s attention as he says “just because they haven’t called yet doesn't mean anything happ-“ he stops with a yelp and falls back off the counter as Loki suddenly pops up out of nowhere in front of him.

Her form isn’t physical, a blue see through haze. Steve and Bruce frown at each other as they realize it’s her astral form.

“tadaa” Loki says tonelessly as Bucky pops up from behind the counter.

“sister” Thor says happily “Bruce was just worrying about you”

“I’m honored” Loki states with a hand on her chest “you guys wanted to know if we’re alive” Loki says with a shrug “we’re alive”.

“how’s Tony?” Steve, of course, asks.

“worried about blood bags but he’s okay right now I solved the problem”

“you’re going to rob hospitals aren’t you?” Thor asks after his face falls.

“it won’t be enough for them to notice brother”

“sister it’s dangerous” 

“not if i use my pocket dimensions and the invisibility spell”

“I swear if you get caug-“

“Did you forget I could hide from  _ Heimdall _ ”

“actually I did forget”

“where are you guys going?” Steve changes the subject after seeing Thor deflate.

Loki opens her mouth to reply but Bruce interrupts “wait, don’t tell us the more we know the better”

“we’re going to Vegas” Loki watches as Bruce deflates.

“why?” Bucky asks and raises a brow as he sits on a barstool instead of the counter.

“Tony’s choice”

“what’s he doing?”

“I don’t know brushing his teeth” Loki shrugs and Bucky stops talking, having nothing else to say.

“well SHIELD sent out all their agents to find you guys” Thor informs him with a sigh.

“why didn’t they send you guys?”

“they know we won’t help them kill you?” Steve spits back immediately.

“since when do you care about me?”

“bye” Steve deadpans as he head for the stairs “tell Tony I said hi”

“what’s after Vegas?” Bruce asks as he picks up his coffee from the end table.

“I don’t know, I miss the northern lights. Maybe go find some island in the middle of nowhere”

“that’s not funny”

“I’m being serious brother, could make our own little town” 

“how would you populate it?” Drax speaks up from the hall to some rooms.

“can you ever take a joke? and how long were you standing there?” Loki asks as he frowns at Drax who always pops out of nowhere.

“I have master-“

“no you haven’t” Quill interrupts him as he emerges from the hall and squeezes by Drax.


	21. they’re trying to capture you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love bruce but WHAT RHE FUCK

Tony drove the next day, he showed Loki songs, told them what they’re about and at some point Loki started guessing who the artists were, he was right more than half the time and Tony was impressed. 

After ten hours Loki fell asleep, Tony didn’t think anything of it, he just waved it off as driving all day yesterday and by the thirteen hour mark they got to Denver and Tony was thanking every god out there because his eyelids were starting to droop.

Tony had to fight to stay awake when he was compelling the receptionist and getting them a room and by the time he fell onto the bed he was seconds from falling asleep.

“you’re a vampire-“ Loki’s voice gets closer until Tony feels the mattress shift and the smell of vanilla “-you don’t need to sleep”

“but I’m tired” Tony grumbles as he moves closer to the warmth beside him.

Loki doesn’t reply and it makes Tony’s stomach tighten. Tony pops open an eye and moves onto his side to pull Loki closer.

She doesn’t protest or try to push away but Tony feels her tense slightly, her heartbeat skip a beat and she keeps looking down at her fingers fiddling with the strings of his sweater.

“what’s wrong?”

“you didn’t have to do this. You didn’t have to come with me” she says lowly and Tony sighs. He’s told her already _he wants to_ , he doesn’t feel obligated to be there. He’s there because he chose to be there.

“do you regret being with me?”

“what kind of stupid question is that?” Loki frowns up at him and Tony feels her hand moves to rest on the nape of his neck and play with his hair.

“so you don’t wonder what your life would be like if we weren’t together?” Tony raises a brow and Loki’s face fades to nothing, no emotion at all “you don’t wonder what your life would be like if you left or let me die? if we hadn’t went to purgatory?” 

“I didn’t have a life before you Tony Stark” 

“what was the one thousand years then?”

“nothing, I was simply existing-” Loki admits “fighting Asgards battles and merely existing, I wasn’t living until I met you”

“you know technically we met when you threw me out the window”

“exactly, you made me laugh, entertained me- it was like you were my humanity switch, after I threw you out of the window. I started feeling everything, bad and good” Loki states before asking “do you ever regret being with a crazy ass sorcerer?”

“what kind of stupid question is that?” Tony retorts before pressing a kiss to her nose.

“if we hadn’t gone to purgatory you would still be with Pepper”

“and I feel sorry for that guy, all Pep did was yell at me”

“no she didn’t”

“well obviously not, but half the time she did”

“you know she loved you” Loki says lowly and Tony does know it but “I know but I don’t think she was _in love_ with me” Tony says back

“have you met her new man yet?” Tony frowns at that because what the fuck? it’s been almost six months and he still hasnt met him? the man that helps look after his daughter? the man who is looking after his daughter at that moment?

“Tony” Loki says lowly “your eyes” and instantly Tony notices his tight stomach and muscles relax, letting out a short sigh and gulping harshly.

“guessing that’s a no” Loki hums and presses a chaste kiss to his lips “how was Morgan when you called earlier?”

“you were sleeping?”

“I woke up for a few moments”

“she’s fine, she’s used to me being gone by now” and Tony hates it, he was used to Howard being gone for _months_ , Jarvis was more of a father than Howard ever was or could be and Tony didn’t want the cycle to continue with Morgan.

“you don’t see her as much as you want to, because of me”

“it’s not because of you”

“everything in the near two years has been connected to me”

“I feel like you’re going to suggest something”

“move out”

“what- _no”_ Tony says quickly “no no no no” Tony moves to get up but Loki tightens her hold and Tony freezes before reluctantly laying back down.

Loki frowns at the fear in Tony’s eyes and she says softly “of course I’d come with you, after all this shit is over” 

“there’s nowhere close enough to the compound unless I build a place” Tony informs her because he wants to be close to his friends, he needs to be.

“then do it”

“That’s a lot of work you know?”

“less when you have an artist, sorcerer and architect helping you” Loki retorts with a small smirk

Tony’s eyes widen as he asks “you can do all that?” 

“I’m a liar but not with you” Loki says truthfully.

“where though? across the lake?”

“don’t knock down trees” 

“I wasn’t going to, there’s a clearing at the other end so I would only have to knock down three at most” Tony states before he pulls away from Loki and sits up “you say this like you have a plan”

“run for a bit and then go back to the compound, they wouldn’t expect us there” 

Tony is silent for a second as he think about it then he shrugs and says “sounds kinda risky but I trust you”

“what?”

“I trust you?” Tony frowns as Loki looks up at him for a few seconds before pulling him down into a kiss. 

Tony was the perfect distance so that he wasn’t uncomfortable as he was almost bent in half to kiss back harder, his hands on both side of Loki on the bed to hold his weight and he holds back a sigh when Loki’s fingers move to his side and slowly work their way to his shoulder.

When Tony pokes his tongue into Loki’s mouth he’s pushed back. “not tonight”

“sticking my tongue in your mouth doesn’t automatically lead to sex”

“most of the time it does” 

“I like making you feel good” Tony mumbles as he moves to hover over Loki instead of sitting beside her and he kisses her briefly before kissing up her jaw and to her neck.

“thought you were tired?”

“not anymore”

“well I’m tired” Loki mumbles and pushes against his chest lightly making him sigh before laying down and stopping, just like she asked “I’m sorry”

“you aren’t obligated to have sex with me”

“I know-“

Tony interrupts her before she continues “we have sex when _both of us_ want to, no means no”

“I love you” she says softly as she moves closer and rests her head on his chest. His arm instantly wrapping around her back.

“I love you too, would you want a cat?”

“I could be a cat” Loki says with a tune.

“you want to be a pet?”

_“no”_

* * *

“where are they?” Fury asks as soon as the elevator doors open and he steps out, scaring the shit out of Bruce, Natasha and Gamora.

“Loki?” Gamora asks innocently “you tell me, you’re the ones hunting him”

“we know they called” Maria states

“they did?” Natasha lies through her teeth.

“we heard you talking to them Natasha” Fury states lowly

“must be a doppleganger-I mean immortals, vampires, werwolves, aliens what next?” Natasha shakes her head and takes a sip of her coffee

“Bruce?” 

“hm” he asks innocently, trying his best to lie.

“do you know where they are?” Fury presses, knowing that Bruce is a bad liar.

he shakes his head and takes a sip of his coffee “no”

“you’re a _really_ bad liar” Maria informs him and Bruce feels like _crying._

 _“Bruce!”_ Gamora scolds 

“they’re in Denver?”

“no” Bruce says too quickly and he smacks himself in the face when Fury smiles

* * *

“is that a fucking road block?” Tony asks despite it being right in front if his eyes “what do we do?”

“act normal say i’m your new girlfriend or some shit I don’t know” Loki says as Tony parks the car and winds down his windows.

They both watch as two cops make their way over, one standing on each side of the car and Loki instantly knows something is up.

“Tony Stark” the officer hums with a smile but he doesn’t put his gun in his holster “my son is a big fan”

“thank you officer” Tony says calmly.

“sorry but-“ The cop suddenly lifts his gun and shoots, Tony looks down at himself only to to hear Loki yell _“what the fuck”_

Tony freezes as he sees Loki digging in her leg, blood trickling down her thigh onto the seat and only slowing down once she pulls out the bullet.

Wooden bullets.

Wooden bullets shouldn’t be able to hurt Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOODEN MFN BULLETS BIFH THEY KNOOOWWWW.  
> tony should have noticed sumn when loki was tired as hell that’s all I gotta say.
> 
> comments make my day so plssss tell me what you think even if its ✨criticism✨


	22. never say never

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> baby? 🥺  
> 👉👈

Tony was pissed. But he also trusted Loki and if she says that they’ll give in, then Tony will.

But god he’s starting to regret it as the younger cop pushes Loki against the car so hard Tony swears he hears a dent form.

“I’d think twice before treating them like that again”

“you’re being cuffed” the cop states as he puts cuffs on Loki “now neither of you can do anything”

Tony growls lowly as they’re shoved into the back of their cop car. He had to think.

Because how they fuck are they supposed to get out of that? Tony and Loki can’t come up with something without the cops hearing.

“where are you taking us?” Tony asks lowly after five or so minutes of driving.

“we have orders” the bald cop states.

“from who?” his voice changes from low to curious and the cop rolls his eyes.

“not from you so shut up” the younger cop says and Tony wishes he could tap his arc reactor right now or tear out his throat, either is good for him.

“he won’t stop so you might as well tell him” Loki informs him. Loki was calm as hell and it confused Tony, unless Loki had a plan.

For now he’ll find out what he can “c’mon it’s just between us girls” Tony says with a tune and the bald cop sighs.

“Decoda, he wants you both”

“for what?” 

“he needs the cure” The older cop says

“well we know that already but what does he have planned for us” Loki asks with venom in her voice

“We don't know” the younger cop says loudly.

“you see this is why people hate you guys, crooked cops, not willing to help people that  _ actually need help _ but you assist the fucking bad guys” Tony snarls, his hearbeat quickening with each word.

Maybe if he pissed them off enough they’ll stop and beat the shit out of him.

That would buy them about twenty minutes.

“well you can’t make it a race thing since you guys are white and Decoda isn’t” Tony did not expect that from the older cop, he actually kinda liked the bald man.

“He wasn’t making it a race thing but the fact that you brought it up proves something”

“and what is that  _ Loki _ ” the younger cop mocks.

“you wouldn’t have done shit for him if he wasn’t mind controlling you, you probably would’ve ended up helping us, am I right?”

Neither of the cops say a word but the vampire and sorcerer see the glance they share.

“what’d he do?” Loki hums “hang your dog from the chandelier? drown your wife in her famous chili recipe? did he skin your cat?” Loki mocks a sad voice and the younger cop spins around to bark something back.

But Tony lifts his leg and kicks out the plastic barrier between them, he already let the asshole treat Loki like shit and he wasn’t going to let it happen again, even if it was just an insult.

Loki frowns in surprise as she sees blood splatter against the plastic before hearing two loud cracks.  Both the cops slump forward, causing the steering wheel to turn way too fast and suddenly they’re rolling.

All she can hear is glass cracking and metal bending and breaking.

* * *

“when do you think they’re-“

“holy christ motherfucking shit- ah you fuckin bitch” Tony swears as they pop up out of nowhere and Loki rips a piece of glass from his stomach.

They all freeze seeing the two covered in cuts and blood.

“what the hell happened?” Steve breathes out as he watches Loki pick tiny pieces of glass from her palm. Calmer than any of them expected.

“Decoda mind controlled the cops to look for us too” Loki states as she catches her breath and she rubs her head harshly, hoping the pressure would make the ringing in her ears stop.

Tony asks “is there any blood bags here?” before looking at his blood on his hand with a grimace.

“yeah just hold on one moment” Thor says quickly as he darts over to the fridge and pulls out said blood before throwing it over to Tony.

He almost drops it but quickly rips it open and doesn’t pay attention as they talk.

“Decoda doesn’t know where you are right?” Steve asks and Loki can see the panic in his eyes.

“No and nobody would expect us to come back here so we should be good” Loki says with a sigh.

“The keyword of that sentence,  _ should be” _ Bruce retorts and watches Loki roll over onto the couch.

Loki sighs and asks “would you expect us to come here after that?” Loki couldn’t really care if she got caught at this point.

“no” Wanda speaks up from where she’s reading a book on the armchair, completely unbothered.

Loki was just happy to be back at the compound.

“you’re getting blood on my couch” Tony whines as he pops up behind the couch.

“get a new one” Loki smirks at him before saying “you’re getting blood on the couch” noticing blood dripping off of Tony’s chin.

“what happens when Fury and Mariah come here?” Steve challenges them.

“why would they come here?” Tony asks as turns around to face them and goes back to the blood bag in his hands, not caring about the answer to his question.

“they come here once a week to give us updates” 

“Tony’s okay to be here and I can make myself invisible” Loki states before getting up and heading to the fridge “I am  _ starving _ and tired. And I feel sick-” she stops for a second before grabbing the jug of orange juice “If I’m pregnant I’m killing you Tony”

Tony spits out his mouthful of blood but catches it before it hits the floor  _ “the fuck?” _

“relax, you’re a vampire remember?”

“oh yeah” Tony hums before bringing the blood bag up to his mouth and completely forgetting about his worry for Loki.

* * *

“stop worrying” Loki almost pleads as he sees Tony scanning her.

“what if-“

“what if nothing, when Fury comes here I’ll hide myself”

“what am I supposed to tell him?” Tony asks quietly 

“say i left you, ditched you after the crash so you went back to Denver and flew back here”

“we’ll need witnesses”

“compel some” Loki shrugs before shaking her head “I was just fucking kidding” she states seeing Tony’s eyebrows shoot up.

Tony smiles before trying to talk to FRIDAY “Da-“ but of course Loki slaps a hand over his mouth.

“pay somebody to be a witness” Loki demands before removing her hand and Tony pouts at her.

“do you still feel fucked up?”

“no, unless I’ve gotten used to it”

“do you think you could be-“

“pregnant?” Loki huffs out a laugh “you’re a vampire and Odin put an infertility spell on me so no I’m not”

“you said nature always has a loophole”

“I’ve searched for twelve hundred years for one, so trust me when I say there isn’t” Loki sighs as she moves down and rests her head on Tony’s chest. 

“there has to be”

there usually is a loophole for _everything_ but not this time.

“you say this like you want kids” Loki retorts as she looks up at him.

“I do” he says without missing a beat and Loki frowns before laying back down.

“you have Morgan”

“I want a little Loki though” Tony pouts as he starts drawing designs on Loki’s bicep.

“br- I mean sister!” Thor bursts through the door abruptly making Loki jump slightly.

“what do you want?” Loki grumbles only turning a tiny bit to look at her brother

“I missed you I want to spend time with you” 

“why though?”

“um I missed you?” Thor says again.

“i was gone for a year after the bifrost and you threw me around the first time you seen me. It’s been two weeks so no you don’t miss me” Loki grumbles and Tony frowns, still staying out of it.

“we’ve changed Loki” Thor says lowly. They talk to each other now, Thor knows Loki despises it but that’s how relationships work, even between siblings.

“I don’t think I’ve changed enough to  _ willingly  _ spend time with you”

“come on, just today and I’ll leave you alone I promise” Thor pleads 

“what do you want to do?”

“I wanted to show you Wakanda”

“I’m  _ wanted _ ” Loki says slowly.

“they know of the situation, they know you’re innocent”

“who’s they?” Tony finally butts in.

“T’Challa and Shuri”

“almost 2 years and you haven’t met them?” Tony asks as he looks down at Loki 

“we’ve only been out of purgatory for six months so no I haven’t” Loki shrugs. It feels so much longer, the fact that Loki was taken over by dark magic near 2 months ago seems like  _ years. _

“so do you want to?”

“I don’t know, I might be framed for stealing vibranium next”

“you’re no fun”

“actually I am I just don’t want to go” Loki states

“give me five good reasons why”

“I don’t need to give you anything Thor” Loki snarls. She’s given him enough already, it’s Thor's turn to be a good brother.

“just do it and I’ll leave you alone”

“one, I’m nauseous. Two, my head is pounding. Three, the room spins when I get up. Four, my heart is beating out of my chest and five, I don’t want to go”

“are you okay? because you look fine” Tony asks as he scans Loki, the only thing remotely wrong with her is the light layer of sweat but it doesn’t stop Tony’s heart from stopping for a moment.

“I’m-“ Loki stops talking and Tony frowns before she gets up and bolts into the bathroom.

Tony stops breathing as the sounds of gagging and coughing fill the room. Tony and Thor make eye contact and Thor is just as worried. Tony wanted a kid with Loki yes but if she is pregnant.

what’s the cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://lokihzra.tumblr.com/)!.


End file.
